3rd time would be the last....

[3rd time would be the last]

I hope somebody would prove me wrong but I think this is a waste of time....though I hope somebody could help me. I am in deep pain - the reason is that, due to a number of circuimstances,     I am bound to live alone for the rest of my days. The truth is that I need a person, someone I can love, and hug, and keep close to me, to be the center of my world, I need a person, an ''engine'' that would motivate me to live and breathe....and I can't have that. Now my only motive to live is not making my parents burry my lifeless corpse, not too soon. And I'm stuck living with my soul shattered, dead.  Only the thought of such live is hurting me - sometimes the pain is so much that I feel it physicaly, too. I tried to talk to my parents and I expected them to understand and support me but my father mocked me and called me ''girly'' or ''whiner''. My best friends aren't any different.I am left alone in my room, writing this and crying quietly so my parents can't hear me, hopefully. Cuz if they do they'll start mocking me again how I ''overreact''...I have 2 attempts on my life til now and I've decided that if I get to the point of emotional pain that brought me to the decision of the previous 2 attempts, I'll make a 3rd - and the 3rd time would be the last....

[IrmaJean]

Welcome to our community, 3rd. I'm sorry you are in so much pain. I'm also very sorry that you reached out to your parents and they were dismissive. Your feelings matter. Are there any other adults in your life who are supportive? Could you speak with a counselor at school or possibly another relative? Maybe even the parents of a friend?

Connections with others can be a beautiful thing and I do think they can be very healing. I wonder, though, how is your relationship with yourself? Are you able to be compassionate with yourself? 

My heart goes out to you, 3rd. I hope you will stay safe.