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I'm a Lazy Bastard.


Klingsor
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I hope you find enjoyment in your school work and future profession.  A lot of guys love analytical, problem solving work. Your writing software right? If not I know it is something technical / engineering.  You'll feel good about yourself that you can do something a lot of people can't do and make a decent buck too. Money means way more than people want to admit. People w money get respect, don't have to take shit from anyone and basically can do anything they want. Sounds motivating to me!  

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May I ask you what do you think about your lack of motivation? Where there times when you felt motivated / not lazy? What was different?

(BTW; I feel very similarly, in this regard, the last few years, so I can relate, and at the same time I can't help none of us :( ... )

Edited by LaLa
typo
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Pax, I'm sorry you felt uncomfortable and deleted. :( It's okay to be you. It's okay to struggle. Lack of motivation can be caused by depression. Maybe rather than label yourself and beat yourself down, try and observe what is happening without judgment?

You wrote about work. I do think it helps to do something we find meaning and enjoyment in, but I understand this is not always possible when trying to make ends meet. Many of us do what we have to to pay our bills. If you could have a job that you wanted and that felt meaningful to you, what might that look like for you? Work can also be another means of avoidance and coping, if a person uses it to push away feelings and problems.

What feels meaningful to you, what do you enjoy? For me, the most important thing is my family and friends, connections. I also want to help others and make a positive difference. The older I get and as I fully realize that my time here is limited, seeing loved ones pass away, has shown me with more clarity what has most meaning to me. At work, I feel motivated because I care about the store and how it looks so that helps. It feels good to see how my work has a positive effect. But I also need to be challenged.

How do things work for you? Do you feel challenged and engaged at work? Do you have any connections there? What about school? Do you feel any enjoyment or purpose in that? If you could imagine what you would like your life to look like in 5 years, how would that look? Would setting some goals possibly help? Some questions that came to mind...

I hope your day is kind to you. Take care.

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@Victimorthecrime

You didn't say anything wrong. I realize how it sounds to people when I complain, and I shouldn't do it. I am fortunate in many ways. 

The best way I can explain this is that opportunities are simply wasted on someone like me. I can't do anything with them even when they present themselves. 

It doesn't matter. I'm just procrastinating. 

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I think that many of us did not have a safe space to express negative feelings when we were growing up and that makes it difficult to feel okay doing so throughout our lives. :( But I do think we all need to do that at times and it doesn't have to mean that we aren't also grateful. I think it's possible to be both.

I hear your self doubting critic. What do you think the critic's purpose here is?

I hope you feel better. Take care. 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am motivated by other people. For me motivation is (practically speaking) being noticed and accepted. If I cannot look into the eyes of others and see myself, then my identity and feelings are a mere memory and I anticipate only further neglect of them. Attention and acceptance from others is a light and it is energy and fresh air. I like to meet other fragile and suffering people. And I like to hear laughter, see smiling faces.

Edited by mts
Late edit: maybe this is too early to make such a statement though...
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  • 3 weeks later...

 Pax - I can completely see where you're coming from. I have very little motivation to be constructive or to apply myself. I know I need more money and I know that will improve my standard of living somewhat, but I have also felt a weak association between: Work > Money & Money > assets. Consider brushing your teeth as an analogy. Most people might strongly associate their bi-daily brush with dental health whilst I would brush instead to avoid social stigmatisation. The latter don't brush in the evening. 

 

I associate hard work with the elusiveness of time and feel like I'm wasting it. This creates a "fear of missing out" which feeds into my anxiety. What I found to help even the odds is online banking on my mobile phone. This has helped strengthen the connection between money and well, everything which does generalise to the importance of work to some extent. Not sure if it will help you but it does help me somewhat. 

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I'm forced to look at laziness and ask myself what it is. Can it sometimes stem from a yearning for reflection or self exploration? After all keeping busy more associated with men than women and this introverted longing isn't a typically masculine attribute. By definition there's a either a barrier between inertia and a required action (punishment),  or a stronger connection with inertia and a variable that rewards it (reward). 

 

I have tried to reflect in moments of laziness and I am ashamed to admit that it's the punishment associated with positive action tthat has the greatest impact on my inaction however - I can't downplay this need for a sort of self bonding. This ties in with something that Victim talked about which was being oversensitive. I like to call this emotional intelligence and I have no doubt that it has an integral role in the need to self explore. 

 

Anyway I think I've gone off the point. Whatever it is, whether or not you're able to associate work with it's benefits, the bbenefits will still be there. And while you might be missing out on some of the motivation most men enjoy to work harder, I get the feeling you'll labour through it anyway. I lack motivation too. I do believe that there's a reservoir of motivation in self actualisation but I have yet to get there. In psychological terms I think this is where ones nature reaches a threshold in the psyche for beyond their nurture and it triggers a seamless connection between the conscious and subconscious mind. 

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Beth have you heard of the model that theorises that the inner voice is that of a parent or caregiver? I don't remember the name or the author since I briefly read on this long ago but I think it's the primary phenomena caused by early bonding and beyond. Mine is my mum. What I notice is that this voice takes on the narrative that out current relationship has.

 

Her current bond with me triggers some sort of an subconscious archetypal construct deep within me which manifests itself as a voice. In Freudian terms I believe this voice resides in the second layer of each subconscious unit and is central to the nature of our inner critic. It's probably why therapists place so much emphasis on parental relationships.

 

Anyway this is guesswork I haven't studied this sort of thing. I thought I'd ask if you were familiar with this.  Sorry Mr K I am done. 

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I often feel our behaviors are related to our attachment style. The need to draw in and away from others during times of stress (as a means of coping) can be related to attachment. 

Motivation, I think, is very complex and many different factors may play a role in this that could be unique to the individual as well.

I haven't heard of that specific model, no. It's interesting to consider, though. I do think our first relationships, and especially with our main caregivers, are very important in shaping how we look at ourselves and the world, how we relate to others, how we cope...

Could the inner voice you have be a held and internalized space that represents your mother, as in object relations theory?

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Bonding/objects relation theory is certainly a facet of influence our parents have on us. I do find myself seeing or searching for my mother's attributes in women or at the very least, bond with them in the principally same way. Particularly though I'm speaking our inner critic & motivation. Logically there are 4 ongoing barometers to which we judge ourselves. From the outward in we have: 1) Society/Status Quo, 2) Family/friends, 3) Parens' values, 4) and our nature. 

 

1 & 2 are closely paired but 3 & 4 are almost indistinguishable. The inner critic is formed by a combination of the 4 feeders to the psyche, but 3 & 4 are the only ones that reside in the subconscious while the former two are stored in the conscious mind and to some degree the pre conscious.

 

In fact, I believe that the social and family/friends barometer are only employed as a defens mechanism to repress or divert the anxiety and critique caused when a person falls short of or rebels against their parent's values and their nature.

 

The deeper in we go the closer we are to self actualisation which is why I don't think we can self actualise if we have excessive praise or criticism from our parents (or their voices that reside within our subconscious units). 

 

I think the closer any action we take reflects the values of each 4 of these barometers the more motivated we are to do that task. However the motivation produced by our parents voice and our nature far surpass that of society and family/friends because it is sourced in the subconscious mind. I feel that true seamless motivation is a harmonious balance of these sources which need to be of greater relevance as we go down these barometers, although this is rare.

 

I don't have models or theories to support this. I'm not as read as I should be on mental health and these are my personal thoughts. It appears you are FAR more read than me.

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Thanks for the comments, Small. I've never totally bought into the idea of laziness, so I'm not sure what it is either. I think it's another one of those concepts that privileged people like to invoke as proof that everything in life is a choice (you just aren't working hard enough). 

To define laziness you would have to define work in the context of action. There is a difference between action and agitation - action has a point while agitation is pointless. To me, modern life is agitation...noise, pointlessness, obnoxiousness, chaos...therefore, work is pointless. In times past, contemplation was considered to be the highest activity one could perform, even though outwardly there's nothing to show for it, which makes it worthless in the eyes of the world. 

I don't think even Europeans understand how much the idea of work/laziness is a part of American society. In my estimation, the Puritans were practicing Communism long before the Bolsheviks. When I became a "professional" and had the opportunity to work with some Germans and French people, I was dumbstruck that it is common in Europe for workers to get months of vacation, just like a school holiday. Absolutely dumbfounded.

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I doubt that I'm more read, Small. Some of what I've learned has come from my studies, but my expressions here are largely my personal thoughts and insights as well. I will have to think more about what you've written here.

Contemplation can be a mechanism of introversion too, the need to recharge.

Victim, I can definitely see how that could beat a person down and cause them to give up. :( I had a friend who grew up in that kind of environment who conversely drew motivation out of the constant criticism and being labeled a failure. The motivation to prove them wrong..

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