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I just want to understand


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Hello everyone, my name is Wesley. I am 31 and have four wonderful children and an incredible woman in my life but I can't seem to get my mind right. No matter how happy I get or what I do it always seems to be a reoccurring issue that the smallest things upset me. Even as I write this message, I am gritting my teeth because I feel like I cant even put into words the way I feel or what happens to me. It's like something takes over my mind and emotions when something trivial and meaningless that I should know better than to believe is said or done. I feel like I cant take a joke and that I wont let myself trust anyone. Little things give me anxiety and instead of talking about them, I get quiet and distant. I know its affecting my relationships but i can't seem to stop it from happening and when I'm doing this, it makes me hate myself and get self conscious.

I guess what i am trying to say is that I feel like I am a prisoner to this overemotional drama filled powder keg of a man and I wish it would let me go. I have tried talking to people i think are close to me and it always seems to push them away cause they just don't seem, to me anyway, to understand just how intense this problem is for me.

Can someone please help me? I wanna trust, i wanna love, be free, be fun again, i just wanna stop hating me.

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Welcome to our community, Wesley. The first thing I became aware of while reading your post was a sense of harshness and frustration that you seem to have with yourself. I do hear your frustration. If a friend had shared similar feelings and struggles with you, how might you respond to them? Can you offer yourself the same compassion and care? Rather than judge yourself for your responses and feelings, maybe instead observe what happens and try to listen to your needs?

I think it's especially important to care for ourselves during times of distress. Have you tried counting or taking several deep breaths when your emotions feel overpowering? Sometimes our brains get into fight or flight mode during upset and these activities may help the brain shift back to parasympathetic mode, which can offer balance.

When you mention not talking and sharing during times of stress, have you found this is a coping method that you commonly use? Have you ever read anything about attachment styles and relating?

I have found the information in this link very helpful. I don't know if any of this might fit for you or not.


Take gentle care of yourself. 


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