Jump to content
Mental Support Community

My intro


Lodz
 Share

Recommended Posts

My fear of being judged for my dick size has held me back in so many ways. I intentionally only dated women i was not attracted to, because i figured the attractive ones would not settle for me. I am now in my second marriage, to a woman who loves me dearly, but who i feel quite ambivalent toward. We have 2 children, who mean everythung to me, sonleaving is not n option. My first wife was someone i was completely unattracted to. My second i find physically attractive, but i find boring in many ways. Both, and another girlfriend i had, have been sexually demanding in ways that make me feel emasculated.

I have also debased myself by being sexually submissive to well endowed men on many occasions, behind my wives' backs. This, in spite of the fact that i am not attracted to men. I just find myself strongly aroused and compelled by men with superior endowment. I tried to channel these dark desires by having a cuckold relationship with a very dominant woman. that ended horribly. I still fantasize heavily about having that lifestyle back, but it was absolutely traumatic. Still, 95% of the fantasies i have when i masturbate are about cuckolding, small penis humiliation, and submitting to superior men and women.

I am now 38. I wish more thn anything in the world that i was bigger. I have tried stretching and jelqing and pumping with decent results, but even though i am a little bigger, i still feel tiny. I feel like everyone knows i am small. Like they suspect i'm even smaller than i am. Like i just have small penis written on my shirt. Every laugh i hear triggers my small penis shame.

I am not suicidal but sometimes i pray that i can be reincarnated as a well hung guy. What i can't seem to manage is being okay with myself in this life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm glad you put your story out there, I found it helped me a lot to put mine up. I personally feel it can be the first step to loving yourself (which understandbly can take a while). It's a nice thought but much harder to practice, but what isn't in this life? But really, where the fuck can you go with these problems? If embarrassment was a drug, small cocks would be a smack, crack and meth bong. Every person I've ever known who could have been a potential confidant has had so much of their own shit going on that they'd be happy hear that they weren't the biggest freak on block. I swear, most mental health problems in adult males are penis related, and why wouldn't it be? We're bombarded with massive cocks in porn and TV is constantly putting our self worth on our guestimated size. Most men are so terrified of being outed as a guy with a small cock that they'll ignore everything they know about cocks. Including size fluctuation, shrinkage and some growing more than others. All that goes out the window, what matters is what people think you're packing and unless you're willing to whip it out and stir your coffee with it, what people think is their truth. But, all that aside, I now see this seeming burden as a learning 'tool'. If you can love yourself and others despite what the world says, does or thinks, you've found true peace. Ok, so we're not the guy who's constantly out on the pull banging a new girl every week, but neither is over 50% of the male population. I personally think your story is the most common and the least talked about story lived by modern men. I say modern, because that internet has really fucked us over lol. I was on a path to destruction myself, and it took looking in the mirror at the fat hairy little dicked guy staring back at me and saying "You've been through enough, I've got your back" before anything could change. It's a hard lesson of 'So within, so without'. If I feel like an unworthy POS, I'll pecieve myself as being treated like one. Projection makes perception. But, the crazy fact is, despite what the world thinks, we're about as normal as it gets. But convincing the world is another thing altogether. Take it easy, brother. I truly believe we'll all find peace eventually ☮

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for posting your story, Lodz.  Yahweh put it well.  I just want to emphasise that the first thing to go should be porn, and as much as possible, decrease masturbation.  Doing this helped reverse the course of my life, sexually.  I never got as far as cuckolding, but I was off in weird directions, fueled by daily porn use, and I also did things you did, like choosing the less conpatible woman as my wife, which ultimately proved itself a farce.  I'm older than you are, and I'm having what I'll call a second (more like first) youth with my girlfriend.  It's a much healthier me.

I think the benefits of avoiding porn are both psychological and physical.  You'll get the most out of what you've got when you don't waste your energy on porn and wanking, and you won't worry about the bigger dudes so much, especially when your partner enjoys sex with you.  My two cents of advice...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Thank you guys so much for your responses! It really means a lot to me that there are guys like you who understand and relate to what i've been through.

As far as porn, i have watched my share, but it's never been a daily thing. What did me in was comoulsively acting out the things we all see in porn, usually as the girl. And guys and girls alike always noticed that i was really small and sometimes commented. The men were meaner, but when it was a woman it really meant something to me. Huge emotional defeat. Crushing. Traumatic. I still hear them in my head like it just happened. I sometimea wondernif it gave me PTSD (post traumatic small dick, haha. Kidding but not kidding)

Cuckolding actually helped me cope in a way. Like the premise just seemed so ridiculous, and i could tell that despite how she enjoyed much bigger men, she wanted me most of all. It showed me that i could be loved despite my size, and that the reality of being small could be dealt with in a playful way. But in the end, she verbally abused me and shamed me (in a non-sexy cruel way), threatened to out me as a small dicked cuckold, blackmailed me, and screwed me out of my half of our rent deposit. Fun times lol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah very complicated. Lol. I am ok being small in some ways now. Sexually, my wife enjoys what i have, and that is an awesome feeling, though i think she exaggerates it some to make me feel better. But I do wish i could walk around in my normal life without feeling like everyone who sees me knows i have a small one and laughs at me behind my back and nobody respects me. Like work people, friends, strangers at the gym...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

I can really relate to a lot in this thread. I married someone i wasn't all that physically attracted to (i'm divorced now). She'd never had sex with anyone before me, so she didn't know what she was missing I suppose. It turned out, i married someone who wasn't at all interested in sex. She told me a couple years into the marriage that she thought she was pretty much asexual, even though she was attracted to guys. So i was in a sexless marriage pretty much. I started to hook up with anonymous guys and give them oral, even though I'm not really physically attracted to men. I somehow needed to be sexually useful to someone. Of course i did this behind my wife's back, and she never found out. I'd feel guilty for weeks after each episode of this. Then i really got into watching cuckold videos and actually talked online to some actual cucks. They talked about how great the lifestyle was and how much their wives loved it. I thought this may be an answer. So I tried to bring this up to my wife, but I didn't get started good and she shut me down and told me she wasn't interested in sex with anyone. This wasn't the reason for divorce but i gave up hope after that. Still have no hope. I think eventually I'll get used to being a hermit. Most of the time it doesn't bother me. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Having a small dick sucks, but only as much as we let it. Loneliness will hurt you much more. That's my opinion.

I actually had some really good luck finding women interested in cuckolding me, but most of them had serious issues. It reinforced my feelings of inferiority, but it made it into a fun novel thing that i could be an essential part of. And it helped me accept myself as a small man with a small dick. Yeah, he was fucking her better than i ever could, but they were doing it for MY arousal. I was an essential part of their very exciting sexual experience. It worked for me. But it's definitely not for everyone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...