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Helpless Loner....


Helpless_loner
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I open this thread with the sole purpose of venting. I mean, this is not something that you comment publicly to others, for obvious reasons. As the title says it, I feel that devastated I just don't want to continue with this miserable existence of mine. Well I´m just turned 30 years old last december and I’ve NEVER had an affair (not even kissed a girl, for that matter) let alone a long time relationship due to the fact that just the mere thought of reaching the point of intimacy -and thus REJECTION and even laughter- when I just barely hit more than 5 inches when I’m SUPER aroused -which  doesn’t even happen that often anymore- scares the hell out me and adding insult to injury, is not even thick. 

My parents, friends and others believe that I’m gay –which of course is not a bad thing, or anything like it, by the way-. You know, I wont say I’m the nicest guy around, let alone I won’t blame girls for preferring well endowed guys or at least normally endowed ones. It’s just a question of having the bad luck of not being one of them.

I know it's easy to say, but unlike people who might be fat, or girls that have small breasts or even a butt they don’t like, that can be fixed through exercise or surgery, but mine  is a problem that cannot be dealt with, I just was born like that. I cannot cope this loneliness and never felt like a true man -so to speak- in my life . Everything I do feel so pointless that I just don’t want to continue for the pain just overshadows anything that I might do on daily basis. My work, friends and even family started to mean nothing to me in comparison of how tired I’m from life at this point. When I'm not angry I  feel super depressed and the thing is that HATE either of those two feelings. I don't want to continue to live felling like this, it might be better off gone.......

 

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22 hours ago, Helpless_loner said:

I open this thread with the sole purpose of venting. I mean, this is not something that you comment publicly to others, for obvious reasons. As the title says it, I feel that devastated I just don't want to continue with this miserable existence of mine. Well I´m just turned 30 years old last december and I’ve NEVER had an affair (not even kissed a girl, for that matter) let alone a long time relationship due to the fact that just the mere thought of reaching the point of intimacy -and thus REJECTION and even laughter- when I just barely hit more than 5 inches when I’m SUPER aroused -which  doesn’t even happen that often anymore- scares the hell out me and adding insult to injury, is not even thick. 

My parents, friends and others believe that I’m gay –which of course is not a bad thing, or anything like it, by the way-. You know, I wont say I’m the nicest guy around, let alone I won’t blame girls for preferring well endowed guys or at least normally endowed ones. It’s just a question of having the bad luck of not being one of them.

I know it's easy to say, but unlike people who might be fat, or girls that have small breasts or even a butt they don’t like, that can be fixed through exercise or surgery, but mine  is a problem that cannot be dealt with, I just was born like that. I cannot cope this loneliness and never felt like a true man -so to speak- in my life . Everything I do feel so pointless that I just don’t want to continue for the pain just overshadows anything that I might do on daily basis. My work, friends and even family started to mean nothing to me in comparison of how tired I’m from life at this point. When I'm not angry I  feel super depressed and the thing is that HATE either of those two feelings. I don't want to continue to live felling like this, it might be better off gone.......

 

I know how you're feeling, I've felt like that myself and there's no question, it's a living nightmare. My family thought I was gay for most of my teens and early 20's, I dunno, I think it helped them with the confusion of me never having a girlfriend. It's also a let off for us, especially if we don't deny or confirm it, saves embarrassing questions. I'd love to lie and say my life went from shit to golden, but having a small cock (and in my case balls too) can feel like a flu that won't budge and it has many ups and downs. You can do the things everyone else does but you mainly feel like crap on the inside, but it can get better. It feels like a cruel fate sometimes, but it isn't without its benefits. It wrenches our eyes open to the way the world works and you get to peek behind the curtain of suffering long before you're old and inferm. This place isn't perfect, but we belong here for now and our only choice is going within our going without. The suicide route is always an option that rears its ugly head, but it's an option for pretty much anyone who doesn't see a way out. And if we're truthful, it's healing we want, not escape. And if cock be the man, then all men are cocks. But we're so much more than that. Our cock defines us in the worlds judgemental eyes, but it doesn't have to define us in our minds. There are women out there who will love us despite our size (I wouldn't have belived that either, until it happened) even tho most of them wouldn't admit to not being shallow in public as they suffer the same stigma as anyone else. Don't give up on yourself HL, give yourself a chance to be unburdened. I've said this to a few people on here and I wouldn't say it unless I could tell you from first hand experience that it works. Get your own back! Look at the man in the mirror, fist bump him and remember why he's unhappy. He's unhappy because he's got nobody...so give him somebody.  If you don't love yourself, you're fucked regardless of your cock size. When you've truly given up on yourself your options are few, but there's a world of possibilities out there if you let yourself see them. You're not helpless and you're not a loser, you're just a guy who's going through some shit. There's more of us in the same boat than any of us could imagine, so we need to look out for eachother. Keep posting HL, we're here if you need us ☮❤☮

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  • 2 weeks later...

HL, that is really tough to hear, man.  You're still young, and you have time to break through this fear.  I wasn't as extremely shy as you, but I was shy, and avoided sex until about your age. Twenty years later, I realize my fears were utterly unfounded.  I passed on many opportunities in my youth, all because I thought I didn't deserve to be playing the game.   Dude, we do deserve to be in it.  My advice is to get away from the porn/masturbation (assuming you have the habit as I did) so you can rebuild the libido... That was key for me.  You'll want to have all five inches available when time comes to use it.  When you feel ready to bust through your zipper, ask someone out.  And don't say shit about the size of your stuff.  Just go with the flow.  Because I was married for a long time (now divorced), I've only been with a few women myself, but the sex has been great.  I never had to apologize for my body.  As a fellow 5-incher, I hope I have some credibility with you, and I hope you'll find yourself in all this.

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On 06/02/2017 at 2:22 PM, YahwehOrTheHighway said:

If you don't love yourself, you're fucked regardless of your cock size. When you've truly given up on yourself your options are few, but there's a world of possibilities out there if you let yourself see them. You're not helpless and you're not a loser, you're just a guy who's going through some shit.

I'm going to try your advice and stop hating on myself. I feel like shit everyday and I can't live like this. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
11 hours ago, Helpless_loner said:

Saturday night at home and alone :( I just can't stand this any longer.......The only reason I'm still alive is the fact that I know suicide will eventually drag my mother to her grave.

I feel you, man. Those thoughts are never too far away from the forefront of our minds. But if suicide isn't something you'd want to happen (for your mother's sake or your own) then they're not really worth entertaining. I know you were by yourself last night, but you're not alone. I know it seems like nothing will ever change the way you feel right now, but I promise you, it will subside. At this moment you're in a prison of misery, but there's no guard. Only you have the key (sounds cheesy ?, but it's true). What do you like to do for fun? Do you play the PS4/Xbox? What movies/TV do you like? I'm a huge Bowie fan myself and I play guitar and write songs, I find it helps me express my feelings when I'm on a low ebb. What's good in your life, what skills do you have? Stay positive and keep your chin up, because we spend way too long looking down. ☮

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I have hobbies but as time goes by, I feel worse and worse about this. See, I used to think that I was average and porn guys were like aliens, so I was ok in that regard (hated the rest of my appearance, though) but like five years ago I found out that I was abnormally small too and that ended up ruining my life.

I almost lost all my will to live, I 've got a job and a car just to keep appearances, I get up every morning "just because". I mean, I used to be super slim, but I began to gain some muscles through some home routine and diets and I started feeling better until I discovered I was hung like a 13 year old boy....

 

I became and sad bitter man ever since. I started to hate/dislike almost everything from life itself to even my family blaming them for my poor genetics (that's awful, I know) and envy my friends who were able to get from swift affairs to long time relationship whereas I've never kissed a girl.... As I said, I'm not gay, but almost every guy out there looks bigger me (5.1 long and 4.1 girth). How would I ever please a woman??? I'm sure I'll be her shortest companion ever....

 

I just don't want to "live" like this anymore...I've fantasized for a quick death in the likes of a car accident or a failed robbery, something that won't be as traumatizing as a suicide (the worst thing ever for a family, I've read) to finally rest.....

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I know how hard it is, and this is a set of circumstances that nobody can fix physically. If you woke up tomorrow with a 7" cock, the truth is that life would probably be more manageable, for most of us in here. But this place (human existence/life/the universe) doesn't work in our favour. It's as seemingly random as it is cruel. The truth is we're all dead anyway, suicide may speed up the inevitable, but even if we're happy as pigs in shit with an idyllic life with no money worries and a 10" brick cracker, we're going to get sick/watch family get sick then get old and die. And let's be honest, cock size doesn't equal happiness no matter what social media would have us believe. Nobody gets out alive as a body. And porn has a high suicide rate too. That profession is linked to more mental health problems that we'd ever care to realise. Let's be honest, people don't go to uni for 5 years to become professional prostitutes. There aren't any magic words that are going to fix you either because like the old Buddhist cliche says 'change comes from within'. For me, my misery was mixture of childhood sexual abuse, my cock size and people's judgement and of course being my own worst enemy. I blamed everyone, parents, abusers, teachers, friends, family, strangers, for my pain but never ever me. I was innocent, a victim of a cruel fate worse than death. And on the back of that I was an unhappy drug addled pessimist with the likeability factor of shit on a slipper. And I hit rock bottom, hard. I had to go through hell to find peace. And even now I become irrational sometimes, even if I come around eventually, forgiveness and acceptance is many things but easy isn't one of them. It's simple, but it isn't easy. You're in pain right now and it's shit, it's worse than shit, it's unbearable shit that feels like a boulder of burden.

But for me, I had to realise that the only thing holding me back from being happy was my own guilt, I felt I'd let myself and everyone around me down for being such a freak. It manifested as many things like angry projection, bullying, insistant blame (and as you mentioned, blame builds up resivours of guilt that can tide you over for a hundred years +) but I had to forgive myself for believing I was weak and helpless and hard done to and let myself heal. I had to be my own saviour. I found peace through Jesus, but it took finding him inside myself before I could see him. A version of him that doesn't see imperfections and lack. Not some myth in a dusty book that'd been amended to make him the brooding martyr geared for war, but a forgiving mind that sees only perfection. This isn't where it starts and ends, this where we come learn/remember what we really are. Not unstable humans who get sick and die, but minds that heal themselves and each other in the process. You're perfect the way you are, so am I and everyone who posts in here. I implore you to try meditation and personal card pulling. An old neg thought pops up, and you think 'well I know where this leads, let's not today' and opt for contentment. I also wish I'd given therapy a try when I was younger, I shunned it for a good ten years only to wind up right back where I'd left it. And if I'm honest, It helped a lot. 

I hope you see the light in you, my friend, it's the only thing that's real and everything else is bunk. Take it easy ☮

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  • 2 months later...

It's been awhile and not a particularly good "while".

A couple of days ago I was seated  with my earphones on near a group of girls in my work's cafeteria. After a brief conversation one them asked how was the date with a certain guy from a another department and well.....The girl's response was soul crushing to say the least and not only because she completely ridiculed his size to say the least, but also due to the fact she hated the guy's confidence on what she thought it was a "blatant" lie. She later said that "how did he dare to ask her out. I mean, he knows he is small, doesn't he?".

The saddest part is that the 6 girls agreed and participated on that guy's humiliation. One of them  even said that "it was sooooo unfair for them (women in general) having to cope guys with small penises showing confidence on what they have" and that "they should wear an special hat or something".

Geez, this hurts and it just doesn't go away.

 

 

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@Helpless_loner Fucking hell, that's brutal. A special hat? Sounds fancy lol. I wouldn't read too much into it though, we're only looking for one person to love us for who we are, not validation from every shallow cock gobbling tramp. One thing I've noticed about girls who publicly shame men about cock size is they're usually masking a crippling unhappiness within their own lives. You have to find it in your heart (no matter how difficult that may be) to have compassion for people who seek to validate their own self worth by judging others. It's a sure sign of weakness masquerading as strength and warrants pity rather than anger or upset. We're never going to be studs mounting everything with a pulse, but a girl is out there for you HL if you keep the faith. ☮

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13 hours ago, ba51th said:

if my mother dead, my little brother will kill himself. after he kill himself, maybe it's my turn next

Im not trying to shame you or anything but this is genuinely the most fucked up thing I've ever read here. I'm really sorry you feel this way.

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13 hours ago, ba51th said:

well, me and my lil bro are both shut-in n.e.e.t. I ever asked him, "if mother died, what you gonna do?", he replied, "I'll kill myself". I bulied my lil bro when he is still... 5 or 6 yo, so he had a strong bond with my father, my father is like a kryptonite to me. I think his life turn to shit because of me, and also because he find his father live in the same roof with a woman that he didn't know (that time my parents is not yet officially divorced), it torn his heart to pieces... so I think, I should take responsibility for what I've done to him...

if I kill myself first, and then the time comes for my mother to die, and my lil brother still have a will to live, it would be difficult for him since he will be alone. but if I didn't kill myself yet, if he still have a will to live, at least he is not alone, if he still want to kill himself, then it's fine

My friend, its really heartbreaking to read this comment. I'd be devastated if my little brother expressed to me that he wanted to end his life. I think I care more about him than I do for myself. 

 

He isn't like me, he is actually more of a people person, extroverted and hilarious. He has a live in girlfriend and they've been together for a while. He seems to have his shit together and I'm happy he didn't get all fucked up like I did. 

 

EDIT: I bullied my little brother too when he was younger.? He reminds me of incidents of me bullying him that I don't even recall.

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On 5/14/2017 at 9:22 PM, Helpless_loner said:

It's been awhile and not a particularly good "while".

A couple of days ago I was seated  with my earphones on near a group of girls in my work's cafeteria. After a brief conversation one them asked how was the date with a certain guy from a another department and well.....The girl's response was soul crushing to say the least and not only because she completely ridiculed his size to say the least, but also due to the fact she hated the guy's confidence on what she thought it was a "blatant" lie. She later said that "how did he dare to ask her out. I mean, he knows he is small, doesn't he?".

The saddest part is that the 6 girls agreed and participated on that guy's humiliation. One of them  even said that "it was sooooo unfair for them (women in general) having to cope guys with small penises showing confidence on what they have" and that "they should wear an special hat or something".

Geez, this hurts and it just doesn't go away.

 

 

The worst mistake i ever made was dating someone I work with. This was about 15 years ago. We dated for almost a year. The sex, for me, was fine. And it must've been for her as well 'cause even after we broke up she'd show up at my door just wanting sex..and I obliged her. But then a really bad scene happened between the 2 of us (having nothing to do with sex) and naturally she told the female with the biggest mouth where we work how small i was and that she could only feel me when she was riding me, etc etc....The whole place knew I was small. It was tough...it was humiliating....but I just tried to spin it that I was normal size and that she was extra large in her vaginal area because of her slutty past and would offer to whip my cock out on the spot to prove i wasn't small....they'd always stop me. I called their bluff and I won. I sucessfully spinned the story against her, even though I was lying my ass off. But I'm not above lying if it avoids me feeling humiliated. 

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@jackbolin That's awesome ?. I wouldn't wanna be sitting across from you in a game of poker lol. But seriously tho, that's one cheeky mare. Hitting you up for booty call and then calling you small? Lol, that's cold, by the sounds of it she had that big pussy rumour coming. I avoided girls at work like the plague, I'd even tell people I was seeing someone just to put a wall up. But I did a similar thing on a working holiday, hooked up with a girl when I was pissed. Nothing shrivels up my cock like booze and coke but I went for it. I passed out and she spread the rumour ?

 

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  • 1 month later...

I've  been told I'm handsome, interesting, charming and that I could date "any reachable girl I want"...Little they know about this curse of mine..Oh man, I hate my body and I hate being a 30 years old virgin. I also hate my "luck" and the way I face it.  I hate the fact that few inches here and there mean that much yet in comparison to other things is just a trivial problem. I hate the fact there's nothing I can do about it. I hate the fact that no matter what I just can't be happy with myself.

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@Helpless_loner I know what you mean. If my feet were size 8 nobody would give a shit, but if you're cock is 5 it's life changing, literally. And as for being happy, it's swings and roundabouts tbh. Just try to take time in the day to relax and give yourself a break from the negative thoughts. I meditate and it can make all the difference. Helps me find a peaceful centre where I'm not hating myself for the things I can't change. Don't give up hope tho, I truly believe there's a non judgemental girl out there just waiting to meet you. 

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Hi all, I have been looking for a thread like this.

I am 30 yr old white male from UK as well, I know how @helpless_loner feels.

The ongoing torment from worrying about size, the isolation and unrelenting dragging sensation created. If you are like me - I think that you need a male friend, someone who understands your worries and wants to support you instead of bullying you about your size. Please reply if you are looking for a genuine supportive friend.

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, lookingforafriend said:

Hi all, I have been looking for a thread like this.

 

 

 

Hi, welcome to the forum. Without sounding too forward, what's your story? it's always helpful to read about what others have gone through, even if it's just too realise how similar we all are. Again welcome, and it's cool that you're reaching out to people ☮

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I am 30 white male, i have some serious body image issues about my privates. I know my penis is quite skinny and short - like a finger soft and about 5 inches hard. My main trouble is that I make friends with a group and then situations like going swimming, gym or the toilet mean I feel awkward. I normally find within 6 months any friend or group of friends i make start acting weird about my desire for privacy whilst changing etc. Its crushing to know that people mainly blokes want to laugh at something that makes me feel suicidal at times. I am sure the answer is to make friends with a person or people who are also lonely because of this.

If any other guys understand this please let me know - be good to meet and be mates.

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@lookingforafriend I know what you mean, it can be a complete nightmare. I haven't been to the gym or swimming for going on 15 years, which is crazy, but as you say, locker rooms are not a good place to be and for me personally an absolute no no. I'm hoping that I can change my ways in the future and be more confident within myself but for now it makes me feel ill thinking about it. I don't have many friends to be honest, but that's by design. I moved away from the area I grew up in to get away from friends who I got into trouble with, so my friends are now just 2 lads who I've known for a few years and lots of acquaintances/work friends. But, I would avoid certain situations anyway and if I'm out drinking with one friend I'd just wait for him to come back from the toilet and then go myself. I'm a stall guy too, not a fan of the troffs tbh, although I personally think they should put up screens between the urinals anyway. It cuts deep when guys see a weakness and rather than be compassionate just see it as something to be used against you. So where abouts in the UK are you? (you can put the answer in a private message if you want). 

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14 hours ago, lookingforafriend said:

I am 30 white male, i have some serious body image issues about my privates. I know my penis is quite skinny and short - like a finger soft and about 5 inches hard. My main trouble is that I make friends with a group and then situations like going swimming, gym or the toilet mean I feel awkward. I normally find within 6 months any friend or group of friends i make start acting weird about my desire for privacy whilst changing etc. Its crushing to know that people mainly blokes want to laugh at something that makes me feel suicidal at times. I am sure the answer is to make friends with a person or people who are also lonely because of this.

If any other guys understand this please let me know - be good to meet and be mates.

I'm tiny when flaccid, a finger would be good for me, I'm worse :D

 

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