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ruined my life as a child


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Suicidal by age 13 . what should I do why didn't my parents protect me from what I was going through. If I knew the things I know now I wouldn't of end up like this . They label me as a girl. It hurts so much inside . :'(  if I make the choice of attacking them I'd be the one doing wrong . now I'm 28 hardly lived a day past age 12 I've only existed deep down its killing me inside :'( I lost my freedom .everywhere I go I'm rejected and ridiculed by society. All that resides for me is death :'(  here I lay trying to keep my mind from going insane :'( there nothing I can do to change the past :'( I live only inside my mind they say everyone would be happy if I died :'( I died a long time a ago wen I was a kid . if I go to the park and sit down they yell at me why don't I stay home :'(  my own sister n my says to me why don't I kill my self :'( all my fault for being a child with no consciousness of what my sin was doing to me .I should of died the day I was thrown in the river :'( I wish I died the day I ran up the street naked when a was I child I didn't want to go bathe . beaten because of that now when the problem started nothing was done to educate di child . I lost all my friends I met I don't exist to them no mre if they see me they turn their heads in the opposite direction :'(  if i had a go cam to show u what it is to be deformed n rejected, shunned by society through the years from 13 strl8 thrgh.

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I don't know what you're going through man but I too feel like my life is just a complete mess beyond repair. Hell right now I feel so alone it's not even funny. I'm getting older sure but I stopped maturing a long time ago. I spend most of my time alone, away from people because I simply lack the ability to connect and engage with them. I feign confidence everytime I'm around people and it gets tiring after a while, so I'll just pull back and shut people out for some time. Then it's depression/self-loathing time and depression/self-loathing time for me means suppressing that shit down with food and sleeping for very long periods of time. Man I'll binge on nonsense until I start to repulse myself. Then it's guilt trip time for a short while thereafter it's "get your shit together bro" time and so the cycle goes on and on and on. I'm rambling. I don't know where I'm going with this. I hope you find someone to talk to and if you do, don't shut them out. Take care.

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