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Im Losing Wife.......sexually


Mr Hopeful
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Hi everyone,

I have never joined a forum before but I guess i dont have anyone else to talk to about this so I guess here goes: I have been happily married to my wife for over 20 years now. We have 3 kids, a home, we get along and she is my best friend. I love her with all of my heart. She is funny sexy witty smart and a great mother. we have always had difficulty when it came to our sex life in regards that i would release to quickly leaving her unsatisfied. This wouldnt happen ALL the time but you could say alot of times. We decided to try the so called swinger lifestyle and see if that would help. We have met many great people and have had some experiences together. Alot of times though they weren't always that positive and many times we would have issues with the couples. So one day we decided hey since she very much satisfies me and im very pleased with her, why not just try involve another male in a "straight" situation meaning us two would give her all the attention. The thing is, the male we brought into the equation happened to my best friend. At first i was weary of the whole thing but afterward i gave in. It was weird at first but then it really was a positive experience she was very satisfied. It helped us connect deeper sexually when we would be alone. there wasn't any rules except safe sex practice only one thing i asked her and him though out of respect to please not do anything with each other without me present. it was agreed upon

.....it wasn't kept. I left out of town on business and decided to bug one of the rooms in our house with a digital tape recorder. long story short i caught them. I decided to forgive her and him because i believe that our love is stronger than anything but i know deep down inside that i couldn't satisfy her sexually, so we continued on with the sexual encounters up until they, my wife and friend, had sort of a falling out. 

I am still friends with him because she made us work it out and see that in the end it can be worked out, but now she is not friends with him. Now almost a year later we are on a rocky road to recovery together (wife and I). I know that she loves me and i love her and we both love our 3 boys but that urge exists in her and sometimes i feel intimidated performing sexually because of fear i will disappoint her....effectively one night i did again. let me explain, when all this started it was at first that i was finishing too early.....now after the whole infidelity i get it up, but in the middle lose my erection. She feels like i think she is ugly AND THATS NOT THE TRUTH I LOVE HER. I want to be her lover, the one who pleases her and i don't know what the hell is wrong with me....

In conclusion, we are now at a point in our relationship where we are trying to have whats called an "open-relationship" basically have other partners yet we are each others exclusive. Im scared though......I don't want to lose my best friend and i don't want to hurt my kids emotionally because this world we live in is FULL of divorce. I came from a family that stayed together both my mom and dad until he passed away, I want my kids to see Mommy and Daddy as a unit and as their home base. Their rock shall I say...... I am a man but im not afraid to admit that Im sad, and scared and just feel lost....... she herself feels that way too. She is a good woman and has a good heart. I truly do Love her that is why i am accepting my flaw taking this path but i am really hoping we can stay together..........i guess this is just a form of therapy for me and if anyone has an opinion I would love to hear from you. i wish you all well.

Mr Hopeful

 

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Hi Mr Hopeful and welcome. I read your post and my first thought from what you've said was the open relationship option may be playing with fire. You are the best judge of your situation but your self esteem could go into freefall if you let someone you love get into situations that are unpredictable. Just because you have started down this path don't be afraid to change your mind if you need to.

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Hi, Mr Hopeful. What is your experience (if any) with Viagra/Cialis? I found both to be helpful in this situation and took one or the other for a few months while I worked on what was making me turn soft mid fuck. Turned out it was pressure to perform for me. Sex is supposed to be spontaneous and animalistic, not awkward and full of worry. It was also a power thing for me. I'm not passive sexually, so I had to take the dominant role. She once spent our money on clothes instead of bills and I was furious with her, that night we had the best sex ever. As for coming too soon, I found wearing condoms helped, it took some sensation away but coupled with the enhancers it worked out well. If you have tried Viagra and it's still an issue, then maybe some form of counselling might help? Hope you figure it out. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 6/10/2017 at 5:27 PM, jazz said:

Hi Mr Hopeful and welcome. I read your post and my first thought from what you've said was the open relationship option may be playing with fire. You are the best judge of your situation but your self esteem could go into freefall if you let someone you love get into situations that are unpredictable. Just because you have started down this path don't be afraid to change your mind if you need to.

Thank You for you honest opinion i truly appreciate it.

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On 6/11/2017 at 11:06 AM, LovingTheAlien said:

Hi, Mr Hopeful. What is your experience (if any) with Viagra/Cialis? I found both to be helpful in this situation and took one or the other for a few months while I worked on what was making me turn soft mid fuck. Turned out it was pressure to perform for me. Sex is supposed to be spontaneous and animalistic, not awkward and full of worry. It was also a power thing for me. I'm not passive sexually, so I had to take the dominant role. She once spent our money on clothes instead of bills and I was furious with her, that night we had the best sex ever. As for coming too soon, I found wearing condoms helped, it took some sensation away but coupled with the enhancers it worked out well. If you have tried Viagra and it's still an issue, then maybe some form of counselling might help? Hope you figure it out. 

I actually went to a cardiologist and he told me that I may have an issue mentally because i am healthy. He did prescribe Viagra to me in the meantime, im going to try them and see what happens. Thank you though for your comment it was very helpful.

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