hi

[I-hate-usernames]

well not sure what to say

excuse my typing and grammar I can't fix it. I got tired of being forced or thrown out of every forum known to man grammar, typing etc,and I guess I suck all around socially because my wife is the only one who sticks around long 15 years and I haven't had to even chain her in the basement to keep her lmao

but forums, emails, real life all dissappear fast. anyway I have gifts not disorders lets get that right challenges and obstacles, but labels well let's say that I never knew that a person could have so many problems at once I thought adhd or bipolar nope I'm adhd, bipolar, borderline, ptsd, traumatic brain injury due to a stroke I just found out that I had and didn't know I thought I was just clumsy always been dizziness etc didn't notice that it was severe until the neurologist checked me

then I have benzo brain damage from 10 plus years on lorazapan that's part of the grammar problem I have always had crappie typing etc now I can't remember exactly what goes where and when a day can seem like a week so I annoy doctors and people because I think more time has passed etc date day to much to list

luckily I can still safely drive and do most normal crap it's just the little things but there getting worse. I also have a ton of physical health problems fibromyalgia, chronic pain, chronic fatigue, to much damage from years of overdoing it do to ptsd overdrive etc

I tend to be void of emotions feelings dead just angry etc my counselor and wife have been able to get me to feel more but it's in waves followed by back to the void until something sets off the next wave

im here because im bored and a glutton for punishment and I can't remember if I have been thrown out of this one before

[LaLa]

Hello and welcome!  

We won't exclude you from the forum if you don't post any obscene material or any advertisements - and certainly not for grammar or spelling!  I really cannot understand how that could be an issue; moreover, I've already seen several anglophones with much, much worse way of writing (and they didn't even care or mention it). (I'm not anglophone, BTW.)

The issues you've described are quite horrible by themselves, not to mention their combination!  ... But I suppose you didn't come here for being pitied and perhaps neither for compassion. You wrote:

11 hours ago, I-hate-usernames said:

im here because im bored and a glutton for punishment

but that sounds rather like a joke which intents to avoid rejection and disappointment by anticipating them, or even something worse. Yet you came here, despite several rejections elsewhere, so there must be a need in you, even if you don't consciously feel or admit it. I understand that it feels much safer to hide your needs when you know that not having them met would be painful. But without expressing them, you cannot give us a clue about how to be somehow useful to you. I know we, unfortunately, cannot heal any of your illnesses, but perhaps you have a need for some kind of connection, some kind of sharing, that shouldn't be neglected and that we could, hopefully, meet, at least to some extent...

BTW, have you seen this TED talk? Writing about the need for connection reminded me of it:

https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability

Good luck and take care! And keep posting!   

[IrmaJean]

Welcome to the community.

Grammar and typing abilities don't matter here, so I hope you will freely post. We want you to express yourself and receive support. 

Diagnoses, to me, are only helpful for insurance purposes or to gain a better understanding of oneself. You are a human being just as all of us are. The TED talk that LaLa posted touches on the beauty of our vulnerability. It's something that we all share. I have found this realization enlightening, inspiring, and comforting.

You have a lot to cope with and understandably it may feel too much at times. Do you think this could be part of why your emotions feel flat at times? I hope the waves of feelings you do experience also include moments of joy. If there is something that brings you moments of self connection and inner peace, I hope you will continue to connect with this.

If it helps to express yourself and share, we are here to listen. Best to you.