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I don't even know


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I really honestly don't know anymore. I don't even know what to say or even think anymore. Like, I'm I just making this all up? Maybe I just want attention or something. Its probably it. Maybe I should say whats wrong? Yeah. 

Well, let's see. A lot of things are wrong? I don't even know anymore. Its Kinda late here. Just wanted to make a note of that. Sorry. But. Uh. I'm not even sure about myself anymore. I think I'm just a liar. You can think whatever you like. I just want to get it off my back. 

I'm situation is kinda iffy. I don't know what's wrong, so I'm putting it here? Anyway, I'm only a teenager. I feel like that's important. So I can't fix anything. I really want help, I honestly really do. I can't do this anymore. I tried to talk to my parent about things, but, she doesn't want to hear about any of it-  she just, "Only you can help yourself.", and "You don't want help." I try to tell her about anything relating to me. She just keeps telling me its my fault. Starts yelling.  So. I guess its my fault. Yep. Uh.. Anyway. I just 'struggle' with some really bad thoughts. Suicidal. Things that cause harm to me. Just normal stuff I guess. One of my close friends, bless her, said that they're  intrusive thoughts. But, It's like they have a mind of their own sometimes, my thoughts? They're really loud sometimes. But, other times their not?? And they're not always there either. It's weird. I dont even know. They have like other voices, Is that normal? Like, a male voice or a females. Sometime close sounding to my families. People I don't know. The thoughts are just complete nonsense most of the time. Please note, they're not always there. so uh.. Yeah. 

On another note! Is it normal to feel 'away from yourself'?? I don't even know. I feel so distant. Gone. Like I'm not me. Or something. I don't know what's going on anymore. I feel like I'm falling away from everything I know. I can't even remember very well anymore. I get so off track. And I can't think. I'm super sorry if this makes zero sense. Uh.. I feel like I'm being stupid now. 

This isn't really urgent I just don't know. I have some other problems too. Mood swings.. But they're really dramatic and I don't think they matter. They're normal i guess. I only typed this originally because I was feeling like I wanted to die.?? But. I'm honestly okay now. I guess. Maybe.

Sorry.

Edit; along with the weird thoughts.  I would like to also note that I often see odd things. I do ask if anyone else experiences things like this? They really make me fearful/paranoid, and its just a side thing I'm wondering. If anyone knows. Because I'm really unsure. Its just when I'm not doing too well with everything. It's really distressing.

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Welcome to the community.

This all sounds very stressful. :( It's good that you reached out. I'm sorry that your mother is not offering you the support and help you need right now. Do you think she might be open to taking you to see a therapist? Is there another trusted adult in your life who you could share with?

I think that self care is always important. Are you able to care for yourself through these difficult times? Deep breathing through anxious feelings, utilizing relaxation techniques, exercising, participating in enjoyable activities, writing about feelings...anything that seems to be helpful...Aside from the intrusive type of thoughts, how is your self talk? Are you able to be kind and compassionate with yourself? I hope you won't doubt yourself or minimize your experience

We don't diagnose here, but we can listen and support you. I'm sorry you're struggling. Take gentle care. 

 

 

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Hello and welcome! :) 

I can only second what IJ has written. 

I also wonder if these sources could be useful to you in your attempts to understand more the 'voices in your head':

http://www.intervoiceonline.org/support-recovery

http://www.intervoiceonline.org/children-and-young-people

https://www.hearing-voices.org

Is that what you experience? Or is it rather something like this?

http://moodsmith.com/intrusive-thoughts/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/am-i-normal/201110/intrusive-thoughts-normal-or-not

And also; does your school provide some psychological services? If yes, it would be probably the best to try them, as your mom is in such a denial...

Good luck and take care!

 

 

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