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Irrational fear of HIV


sunflower2873
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I have struggled with Anxiety, OCD, and panic disorders my whole life. I'm now in my early twenties and sexually active and developed a fear of STDs. 

I have been with 3 people. And after each partner I've been tested and tested negative for all STDs. However the last person it was a one night stand and I didn't know them that well. Before I asked if he had been tested recently and he said yes. We had protected sex once and I got tested a month later and was negative for HIV and other STDs. But I started to have irrationally thoughts about the test being wrong or him being positive. I started examining my mouth and body for any signs of symptoms and convinced myself I had oral thrush and would look in my mouth over 50times a day. I tried to gain reassurance by calling the AIDS hotline and said my test would be conclusive since I was considered low risk but I still can't stop my thoughts. 

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The Looming Tomorrow! I like it, sounds like an Emo band. I just went to type Emo and it auto-corrected it to Emotional lol. Sounds like it know what I was going for. 

I've had this same fear myself. It's really crap because the thought is almost like a virus itself, it kind of resurfaces when we hear it mentioned on TV or wherever. If it's really concerning you, get tested again for peace of mind. 

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Welcome to our community, Sunflower. 

Possibly this new fear you have about having an STD could be a manifestation of anxiety and OCD? You mentioned that you recognize that some of your thoughts around this are irrational. What has helped you in the past to cope with such fears? What helps to clear your mind? 

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