How to apologize

[LaLa]

[Victimorthecrime]

I dislike it when in an apology someone says "IF I offended anyone I am sorry".  Sounds half hearted and insincere.  

[LaLa]

Yes, they said that, too.

(BTW, here is an interview with the authors: http://www.cbc.ca/radio/outintheopen/sorry-states-1.4268248/how-to-apologize-well-and-avoid-apologizing-badly-1.4268296 )

[YOTH]

I regret to inform you that I am regularly apologising and find myself in situations like this on a weekly if not, daily basis. I'm not sure what impact my actions have had on you and I can't guarantee it won't happen again, not that I care very much anyway as I'm extremely busy buying low and selling high. 

Again, I regret the situation and my secretary Linda apologises from the bottom of her fragile egg shell heart. 

Many thanks.

Mr Ralph ( pronounced Rafe )  Mupplit-Jones Jr

[Small]

A few years ago I mastered the worst ever apology. My wording was sooo patronizing. The centerpiece was always "I'm sorry you feel that way (...) I didn't realise you'd feel offended by that". My younger sister & I would have a right blast exchanging notes. Now I believe I say something like "Soz". To be honest I really couldn't give a fuck if I upset someone - unless I broke their trust. Now that is something I would not do.