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Best options for dating/meeting women online?


Powerhouse8000
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So just decided to create a separate thread from my other one, asking what people's opinions were on online dating and the various apps/websites that are out there.

First things first, I'm a pretty well connected person digitally. I am on Facebook, Twitter, Reddit and YouTube as well as using WhatsApp and Kik messenger for chatting.

But when it comes to dating sites and apps, what do people find works? I used Plenty of Fish between 2012 and 2016, and had sex with 4 women I met off it and had one long term relationship out of it too, as well as a handful of shorter ones.

I ended my long term relationship in August after dating for a year. That was the longest relationship I'd ever been in, and it had to end because we weren't right for each other.

In the past few months I've been using two "sex sites" to chat to and meet women - Fabswingers.com and Fetlife.com. Between those two sites I had one date, two phone calls, plenty of dirty chat and plenty of normal conversation too, but no sex whatsoever and no followup meetings/dates. Whilst I do get responses on these sites from women, the quality of the conversation is generally not great and it's not necessarily easy to find someone on these sites!

I don't have a full face pic on any of these sites, just had body pics that only showed the lower part of my face at the most. Only one photo contained actual nudity as such and it was a dick pic. It is NOT TRUE that women don't want to see a dick pic in my experience because I've been asked for one quite a few times; it's just that they don't appreciate seeing such a pic without seeing who it's attached to.

So today I went back online, and decided if these "sex sites" were not great then I should just go back to normal dating sites.

Signed up for Tinder today for the first time, but couldn't get my head round it. Apparently you only get a limited number of swipes and then you have to pay or something? I really don't understand it at all. The one message I did get was from a bot, not a real person. Some scam bullshit. So not sure if Tinder is a con, will have to speak to people about that one.

So I decided that the only other option was to go back to using Plenty of Fish.

I deleted my old profile so decided to create a new one altogether. I signed up around 7pm this evening, wrote out a good profile for myself and put up one decent pic.

And I've been very busy! Honestly I've had conversations with 9 different women tonight already in the past 4 or 5 hours, it almost feels like trying to fight them off! Every time I'd sent a message, a new one appeared. If it's going to be this easy to get chatting, theoretically I could have quite a large pool of potential women interested in me but when you live in a small and remote city like I do, your options can be somewhat limited.

I also got one girl's number off of there tonight as well but not sure about her, not sure she'd be a great match with me in all honesty.

What are others' experiences of using dating and sex sites and can anyone tell me how Tinder works in practice because I just can't get my head round it at all. Thanks.

Oh yeah and before I forget to mention it, I saw two women on Plenty of Fish tonight who are also on Fabswingers.com. I knew that already as I recognised their pics from when they were on POF before. One of them was quite tidy with brown hair and brown eyes and curvy, the other was unattractive IMHO.

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I had a friend whose wife left him for her supervisor but then the supervisor dumped her and she tried to come back to him but he was having none of it.  Anyway he had a lot of luck on Match.com, everything from women wanting to marry him to a ones that were just looking for sex.  He is a really good looking guy the lucky bastard but very lazy and weird which is why he was friends w me.  

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Never been on Match.com, is that a pay site?

Well on my first night back on POF I had ten different women chatting with me, and one more this morning. The quality of the conversations varied of course but for a first night back that's pretty good going.

Strangely enough I found the last two girls I'd been talking to on Fabswingers.com also on POF as well. The ones that I got the number of and were talking to on the phone. You couldn't make it up. One profile even said "not just looking for sex", despite the fact that she was also on a sex site as well!

Anyway. Nothing much more to say just now.

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I still don't understand Tinder, and the whole swiping thing.

Unless it's a particularly unattractive woman (fat or ugly or both) then most guys are always going to swipe right. So in that case, what is the point of swiping at all? I'd heard of this one dating app called Bumble or something where the woman had to be the first one to start the conversation?

I think I would actually like that if only because if a woman started the conversation you would know that she had some interest to start with.

Anyway I'm sticking with the POF website for the moment. At the end of the day the website is only a means to meet people and it's the people that make the experience what it is.

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I have deleted my account on Fabswingers and hid my account on Fetlife today. I honestly think it's probably better to try using a normal dating site. Between those two sites I met up with one woman in total. Compare that with 30+ that I've met off of POF over the course of five years.

I don't really understand Tinder that much, so have been chatting to some women on POF again. Generally what I find is that while I do get conversations - I've had about 20 different conversations of varying lengths in the past week since I joined - the women that I do talk to tend to be pretty average or in some cases below. The genuinely hot women are for the most part out of reach to me.

So I think I should join a gym.

Yes, I do get exercise at my work 5 days a week, and it is physical manual labour most of the time. Yes, I am trying to eat a reasonably healthy diet most of the time. But I could still be in better shape than what I am, even if I don't look awful.

I don't have a lot of money this month, but after the clocks change next month I'm going to seriously consider joining a gym. I have done the gym before but that really was years ago. I have doubts about whether I would have the time or energy to go to the gym through the week, but definitely I would have the time to go on weekends.

Don't know whether I would like to do cardio (rowing machine, treadmill etc) or weights or both. I have got some trainers and some sports clothes so have all the necessary stuff to get started.

What about swimming as well? Is that worth a try? I have a couple of reservations about swimming though - I would only want to go at a time when there are no kids there. Don't want to be seen as a paedo. Again, it's the demonization of men thing.

Also I'm not sure what the accepted standard clothing for swimming is. Is it better to wear long shorts that drag in the water, or the tight Speedo type swimwear? You have to have a good body to be able to look good in the latter as it is very tight - they basically just look like women's bikinis but with extra space to accomodate a man's bulge. But then the problem with the long shorts is that they can also fall off your arse if they are loose, and I have had that happen on holiday before.

Also whether it's at the gym or at the swimming pool there are going to be lots of women in tight clothing to perv on. One thing that puts me off a little bit, especially with swimming, is the idea that people would think that I was going there to have a perv. But even at the gym women wear all these tight leggings don't they that show off their ass?

My body is not actually bad, I am tall with broad shoulders and quite a lot of muscle already. I just think I could do with improving my stamina and also getting rid of some excess body fat. I am not by any means very large and I don't look particularly fat but I am carrying a little more weight than I should.

I do find the hot women very attractive. The ones that look like porn stars or pop singers. The only way to get them is to be the sort of guy that they would go for, and since they are for the most part every bit as shallow and looks obsessed as men, if you want them you have to look your absolute best and be in good shape.

Anyone want to offer any advice on this?

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  • 2 months later...
On 10/8/2017 at 3:49 PM, Powerhouse8000 said:

What are others' experiences of using dating and sex sites

The only sites I've ever used are OKCupid and Plenty of Fish (POF). I actually did go out on two dates with a girl from OKC before she "ghosted me", and then after that, I really could get no luck on OKC it seemed and eventually I got frustrated and deleted my account. I would say when I deleted my account, I had a message response rate of probably less than 1%. I then tried POF and had way better results than OKCupid. I would say my response rate is somewhere in the 10-15% range. I think my response rate would be higher if I didn't aim for the prettier girls. I mean, I myself am not bad looking (just about 20 pounds overweight). Honestly, as long as a girl isn't fatter than me I have no problem with her being chubby or what not. Part of me would actually prefer a woman around my weight because at least then she would be understanding of my SPS. What is one thing fat chicks and small dicks have in common? They are both starved of sexual attention and society makes a joke out of them.

Anyways, I have probably gotten about 5 phone numbers from conversations on POF. Out of those, I am still in touch with two of them (one of them mostly in touch just on Facebook). If you swing over to the SPS forum section you can see me talking about one of them in "Big Step For Me Today". However, as excited as I was that night I have to say the last few days have been kind of a let down. She did finally get back to me last night, but we didn't have a conversation like we did any of the first three nights. My problem is I am self conscious about my weight (even though like I said it's only 20 pounds that I need to lose) so meeting up with any of these girls scares me. And then when I do feel comfortable being around a girl, then there's a whole 'nother hurdle to jump with the dick issues. Fortunately (as you can see in Big Step For Me Today), I have talked to her (and the other girl) about it and she says that she truly doesn't care and understands the body shame because of her (probably not even 20 pounds) of weight. The other girl told me to join fetlife lol.

I have never really done much Tinder because that is almost just for sex (I feel) and I lack the confidence as well as the dick a lot of the women are probably looking for. I need a shy, caring, loving, and understanding girl who has as little sexual experience as possible and is looking for what I am looking for in return. What I don't need is a confidant and sexually experienced female (yet another reason I avoid Tinder). You would think OKC would foster better results (thanks to the more in depth profiles and the quizzes and percentage match rating system) but like I said POF seems to be what has worked best for me.

Even with the two girls, I still find myself going on POF and messaging new girls every night. I won't be satisfied until I have one in my bed, in my arms, after I have gotten her off sexually multiple times (by any means necessary). I started to hit it off with a flight attendant girly late last night, so who knows, maybe she will be Girly number 3. But honestly, as you can probably tell if you have read any of my SPS stuff, I can knock online conversation out of the park, but real-life conversation is a whole different matter. Hanging out in person is gonna be scary and taking off my pants and doing whatever sex things with a girl is going to be...just the thought of it makes my dick turn inside out and disappear (and I'm not exaggerating).

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4 hours ago, PDXsUnHungAndUnsungHero said:

The only sites I've ever used are OKCupid and Plenty of Fish (POF). I actually did go out on two dates with a girl from OKC before she "ghosted me", and then after that, I really could get no luck on OKC it seemed and eventually I got frustrated and deleted my account. I would say when I deleted my account, I had a message response rate of probably less than 1%. I then tried POF and had way better results than OKCupid. I would say my response rate is somewhere in the 10-15% range. I think my response rate would be higher if I didn't aim for the prettier girls. I mean, I myself am not bad looking (just about 20 pounds overweight). Honestly, as long as a girl isn't fatter than me I have no problem with her being chubby or what not. Part of me would actually prefer a woman around my weight because at least then she would be understanding of my SPS. What is one thing fat chicks and small dicks have in common? They are both starved of sexual attention and society makes a joke out of them.

Anyways, I have probably gotten about 5 phone numbers from conversations on POF. Out of those, I am still in touch with two of them (one of them mostly in touch just on Facebook). If you swing over to the SPS forum section you can see me talking about one of them in "Big Step For Me Today". However, as excited as I was that night I have to say the last few days have been kind of a let down. She did finally get back to me last night, but we didn't have a conversation like we did any of the first three nights. My problem is I am self conscious about my weight (even though like I said it's only 20 pounds that I need to lose) so meeting up with any of these girls scares me. And then when I do feel comfortable being around a girl, then there's a whole 'nother hurdle to jump with the dick issues. Fortunately (as you can see in Big Step For Me Today), I have talked to her (and the other girl) about it and she says that she truly doesn't care and understands the body shame because of her (probably not even 20 pounds) of weight. The other girl told me to join fetlife lol.

I have never really done much Tinder because that is almost just for sex (I feel) and I lack the confidence as well as the dick a lot of the women are probably looking for. I need a shy, caring, loving, and understanding girl who has as little sexual experience as possible and is looking for what I am looking for in return. What I don't need is a confidant and sexually experienced female (yet another reason I avoid Tinder). You would think OKC would foster better results (thanks to the more in depth profiles and the quizzes and percentage match rating system) but like I said POF seems to be what has worked best for me.

Even with the two girls, I still find myself going on POF and messaging new girls every night. I won't be satisfied until I have one in my bed, in my arms, after I have gotten her off sexually multiple times (by any means necessary). I started to hit it off with a flight attendant girly late last night, so who knows, maybe she will be Girly number 3. But honestly, as you can probably tell if you have read any of my SPS stuff, I can knock online conversation out of the park, but real-life conversation is a whole different matter. Hanging out in person is gonna be scary and taking off my pants and doing whatever sex things with a girl is going to be...just the thought of it makes my dick turn inside out and disappear (and I'm not exaggerating).

"Ghosting" is really childish, immature behaviour. If you don't want to talk to someone then just fucking tell them that. It's happened to me a few times before, not very often but occasionally.

I've never used OK Cupid - is that a pay site? Personally I cba with pay sites, because really it's the people that make the site what it is not the site. Seems like a scam to me and I don't have the money to waste on that sort of shit.

I actually looked through my phone book just to check how many numbers I have gotten off of POF after using it for 5 years (I never delete phone numbers) and I have the phone numbers of 60 women off it. Not even joking. Probably won't ever talk to any of them again, so none of it actually matters.

I was seeing a woman I met on POF around October time and went on 4 dates. That went tits up, and since then I've had nothing at all. Every time since then that I've been on POF it's been dead, which is strange as I was having lots of conversations before. I myself am saying that I'm not going to date again until spring time. Need to save money and also go to the gym and eat a better diet and only then will I be ready to date again.

I think the picture(s) you use on an online dating site are extremely important. You have to get that part right to do well.

It seems that virtually every guy on this forum has issues with penis size. Am I the only person here who doesn't feel that his penis is too small? I genuinely think I could be.

In all honesty, I would say that women generally find these qualities to be attractive to varying degrees:

* Being decent looking
* Being tall
* Having a good body
* Being confident, but not arrogant
* Being intelligent, but not geeky
* Good sense of humour, but not a clown
* Being popular and having friends
* Having money and a decent job
* Being well dressed, but appropriate to the situation
* Coming across as "going somewhere in life"

Obviously, we can't be all of these things all the time at once. You can only be yourself. But it's worth remembering that penis size is in all honesty probably less important than many of these other qualities. None of us are perfect.

I will check out your thread in the SPS forum. Why did the other one tell you to join Fetlife? I've deleted ALL accounts of mine on sexual sites. I am only on "clean" dating sites now and that's honestly the way I prefer it. I was never truly comfortable with being on those sites. Honest.

Is Tinder "almost just for sex"? I honestly don't understand Tinder, whereas at least POF makes sense to me. It seems that Tinder is very much image based - like, if you're good looking and prove that in your photos, then you'll do well on Tinder regardless of anything else.

My Tinder picture right now isn't that great so I should probably change it. Like I said in the new year getting to the gym and dieting again will be my top priority, then I can get some new photos up. I've only ever had a few conversations on Tinder ever and they didn't really go anywhere.

Having met 30+ women off the internet now, I honestly don't find real life conversation to be all that difficult really. Sometimes if you don't know what to say, sure, but otherwise it's not usually too bad. If you find it awkward talking to someone on a first date then that's probably a sign that it's not meant to be.

If you don't mind me asking, what is your age, height, and ethnic background?

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3 hours ago, Powerhouse8000 said:

I've never used OK Cupid - is that a pay site?

No, OKC is just like POF in that it's free but paying money unlocks a ton of features and improves your chances.

3 hours ago, Powerhouse8000 said:

It seems that virtually every guy on this forum has issues with penis size. Am I the only person here who doesn't feel that his penis is too small? I genuinely think I could be.

Most likely, lol.

3 hours ago, Powerhouse8000 said:

If you don't mind me asking, what is your age, height, and ethnic background?

28 years old, 5' 11", white boy.

Apparently I'm now pretty involved with three girls (involved meaning texting/messaging outside of POF with intentions of hanging out). I spent like all day talking to that flight attendant (I might have mentioned that). The thing that's great about her is that she lives in my town (the other two live a half hour and an hour and 15 minutes drive away). I assume me and this flight attendant will hang out soon especially since I am going to have the place I'm staying at to myself for three weeks starting Tuesday. Me and the girl who told me to join Fetlife are going to go hang out in early January. I wanted to introduce her to these two great people because they work in the same area of coming up with food outside of society's norm's. Here's a local newspaper article on them, they are two of my best friends: http://www.thereflector.com/home_scene/article_27346582-b8bd-11e5-8236-9b74124684c2.html

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That's all fair and well, but with online dating there is no loyalty and absolutely nothing is guaranteed. No matter how many women you talk to, the outcome could still be nothing. I have talked to hundreds of women online and the vast majority of the conversations went nowhere.

From my years of experience of online dating, it is very easy to get talking to someone and think that you're getting on great and for it to be completely different in real life. You go on one date and then that's that. Most of the time you don't get a second. And even if you do, that doesn't guarantee anything. There is simply no loyalty in it at all.

The truth of it is like this: for every woman you start a conversation with, only a small fraction will give you their number. For every woman you have the number of, only a small fraction you will go on a date with. For every woman you go on a date with, only a small fraction you will have a second date with. For every woman you go on a second date with, only a fraction you will end up having a relationship with. For every woman you have a relationship with, only a small fraction of them will be with you for any significant length of time.

All I'm trying to say is that if you go in expecting nothing, you won't be disappointed if it doesn't work out.

At the moment I am just having a break from the whole dating thing. Sick and tired of all the fucking bullshit. Can't be bothered with it anymore.

Not sure why I asked your age, race and height last night.

I am 31, 6ft 3 and a white guy from Scotland.

I struggle with a lot of self-hatred. I have gone on a lot about it in other threads. This thread here explains at least partially how I feel - maybe you might want to check it out and reply and you could maybe tell me what you make of my situation:

 

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11 hours ago, Powerhouse8000 said:

All I'm trying to say is that if you go in expecting nothing, you won't be disappointed if it doesn't work out.

Believe me, that is exactly my mindset. I have been ghosted by dozens of girls. Back when I was on OKCupid, I went on a couple dates with this girl I met on there, thought things were going well, GHOSTED. That's just how online dating is. It sucks, but whatever, at least it's something to do and you never know, you might get lucky (there are a few success stories).

I've just now started to put this issue out there from the beginning just because I don't want to waste my time or the girls time. So far, all three that I have revealed my SPS to haven't ghosted me. The first one had a great reaction to it (you can find it in that thread "A Big Step For Me Today") but since that night, we haven't really texted or messaged at all and she says it's just because she is busy, but we'll see if that's true. The second one of them told me to join fetlife, didn't really say whether dick size mattered to her or not. The third had a good reaction to it, but then gave me a nice "can I be honest with you" speech about how I probably shouldn't unload that much of such a private issue on a girl as quick as I did. But I can tell from our conversation that we will at least be friends (maybe if I'm lucky, friends with benefits or what not). One of the reasons I have started to just put the SPS out there from the start (besides the fact that it's on my mind because of this site) is because I have this fantasy of the girl being like "I accept you, size isn't important, now let's fuck right now so we can get over this issue." lol. Like I said, a fantasy, but oh well.

 

11 hours ago, Powerhouse8000 said:

I struggle with a lot of self-hatred. I have gone on a lot about it in other threads. This thread here explains at least partially how I feel - maybe you might want to check it out and reply and you could maybe tell me what you make of my situation:

Same here man. Like, you have no idea.

11 hours ago, Powerhouse8000 said:

At the moment I am just having a break from the whole dating thing. Sick and tired of all the fucking bullshit. Can't be bothered with it anymore.

May I ask what exactly your experiences that have driven you from it? Yeah, I mean, we'll see how it works out with these three girls (I'm suppose to be getting together with one of them at the very least, and I feel like the one I have been talking to the most as of lately would be down to hangout since she lives in my town). I feel like if it does end poorly with ALL of them, then I might be taking a break for a good while.

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Well I was in a relationship with a girl I met online for a year, but I ended it because although she was a really nice person and I got on well with her, she was really fat and I just wasn't attracted to that at all. It was a difficult decision to make.

Other than that, my experiences have been - first dates that didn't result in a second, short relationships, one night stands, fat girls, completely crazy girls, selfish bitches, women I had nothing in common with ... overall it's been more bad than good.

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