Downhill

[Technofreak93]

Hi everyone. It’s my first post on this website. Happy to be here and apologize for the typos. Here it goes.

I recently graduated from med school in china and I decided to take a sabbatical for a year or two before starting to work as a doctor because I felt pretty burnt out from all the exams and tests. Anyway, here I am doing what I’m usually doing(volunteering as an English teacher) and I am told by the entry and exit admin that I can’t work as an English teacher as I’m not from a native English speaking country. Now, I have two options: leave the country or stay here using extralegal methods. I’ve been in a relationship with my current gf for the past 3 years and I don’t want to end it. She’s the best person I’ve ever met and I can’t imagine my life without her. I’ve been living here for 7 years and leaving everything behind is something I’m not ready to do yet. I love living here and my gf and I have two dogs that I adopted two years ago. Even more daunting is the fact that I have to go and live with my family. They always put their needs before mine. I was at my worst when I was with them and I couldn’t wait to leave them. I have 4 siblings. When I was younger my older brother and my older sister had all of my parents attention and when I left it was my younger brother and younger sister. Every time I call my mum, she goes on and on about how they’re doing and how concerned she is about them. 

So, the problem here is that I don’t know what to do. I definitely don’t want to leave and when I brought it up, my gf was very broken up about and I tried to put on a brave face but I’m not okay. I can’t eat or sleep right. I don’t even feel like going to work. I find it difficult to smile or talk to people. I was riding my scooter to work and got hit by a car. I didn’t get hurt but I was disappointed that I didn’t. At my lowest point in my life, I cut myself in multiple places and hid it. When parents found out they yelled and screamed at me(my dad hit me with belts and anything he could find when I failed my tests or was disobedient in any way). I don’t want to be under the same roof as my parents ever again. I feel myself slipping into the dark void that I spent years trying to get out of. Any help would be greatly appreciated 

[LaLa]

Hello, Technofreak, welcome!  

I see that you're facing very difficult decisions  . I know it can make one desperate and/or depressed, but I hope a lot you won't "succumb" and will try to search for solutions, not cutting or being suicidal etc.

3 hours ago, Technofreak93 said:

I am doing what I’m usually doing(volunteering as an English teacher) and I am told by the entry and exit admin that I can’t work as an English teacher as I’m not from a native English speaking country. 

I'm not sure I understand this properly: You cannot work as an E. teacher means also that you cannot volunteer as one either? Or does it mean you can only volunteer but that wouldn't bring the income you need to stay living without your parents? Also, would it be impossible for you also to teach English privately (if such an activity is legal in China) - would you need to be an Anglophone in that case, too?

3 hours ago, Technofreak93 said:

I have two options: leave the country or stay here using extralegal methods.

It seems to me that you have more options, you just haven't discovered them yet. Leaving the country doesn't seem to be the right choice (at least not "at this moment") - you made that clear. And any advantages of "extralegal methods" very probably wouldn't probably be worth the risks.

But what about some other job during your sabbatical? Something unqualified or perhaps a job in healthcare that would be easier than being a physician?

I don't know what your options are, but I hope you have more of them and will explore them (and share your thoughts with us  ) with some useful results.

Good luck!