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Self deprecating fantasies


Lodz
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Sph. Cuckolding. Serving superior men and women who berate me about my size.

These are the things virtually all of my fantasies revolve around. I can't stop it. Sometimes they hurt, and i wish i could make them go away. Sometimes i feel like Mr. Zen Master (ie. i can have my fantasies and not let them interfere with my happiness). And sometimes i feel like i need them to get through the day. Once upon a time, being able to incorporate my small penis shame into a hot fantasy was like i conquered my fear and shame. It was liberating and life changing. But now it's just there. Another bit of baggage to juggle.

Not sure where i'm going with this. Just wondering how many of you experience the same thing. 

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Hi @Lodz,

I've been there for sure. Typically it's me fantasizing about my wife with another man (the most frequent is her ex, who I do not care for by the way, who actually does have a large cock). I have not idea why I fantasize and masturbate to this but I do. Normally when I am through I feel beat down and depressed.

I could fantasize about anything or anyone I want but my most frequent is guys pleasing my wife with me helping where I can.

Life would be much easier if I could just jerk to hot girls like most other normal guys. I am a firm believer that my fantasies are driven by SPS 

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I fantasise about similar things. It's just the quickest road to being turned on. If I've been drinking heavily, then the next day my fantasies are fucking brutal. I go to some really dark places hung over, so it just shows how much it's tied in with our physical and mental state. I kind of think about masturbation as taking a shit from my cock. It's filthy, dirty, shitty work, but it's essential. Just wipe up the mess and mentally flush. I used to have a lot of guilt about my thoughts when I was horny, but there's no difference to those thoughts and every other stupid throw away thoughts I have by the bucket load all day long. It's crazy the places we go to get off even if it's the worst possible scenario we could imagine. I think that's probably why I do it, to get out of reality when I'm not needed in it sexually. Role play (dressing up etc) always seemed really fucking stupid to me, but it seems to be the most common and widely accepted 'kink' in society.

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I've just been pretty wrapped up in it lately. I'm pretty sure i know why. My wife got really sick, my job got really demanding, and i've been really stressed. It's a coping mechanism. It turns on whether i want it to or not, and distracts me from unpleasant realities. And i don't think it's lessening any time soon. My wife is better, but work is still crazy and just last night my 1 year old was breathing too fast and shallow, and my wife is at the doctor with her right now. 

At times like this, i don't want the fantasies to go away. I want to act them out. But that would be very stupid.

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18 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

My 2 cents - the way to get past a fantasy is to live it out.  I had a fantasy that centered around humiliation and Goddess worship and I met the exact perfect girl in a strip club to do it.  We went thru this whole rigamorole twice and the 3rd time I saw her she tried to start it up again and I said "sorry Chasey I'm not feeling it" and she said "oh thank god, that was too intense".  

I have done that too. First with just men, then professional Dommes and eventually had a cuckold relationship for two years. It is not out of my system. I want to do it again. Only i also don't. Conflicted 24/7.

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Sorry to hear that @Lodz I'm sure she'll be ok. I had something similar happen recently and it's fucking awful, nothing makes a man feel so useless as when our kids are unwell. I haven't even toyed with the idea of ever doing something like that in real life with other people. I take my hat off to anyone who has, it's a brave thing to do, not for me but whatever works. Hopefully work will ease up for you soon, when it rains it pours with work, never lets up sometimes. Don't even get me started on the school holiday rush and the overwhelming Christmas melee 😲🎄😲

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Thanks @YOTH, she's fine. Getting enough oxygen. She was in ICU at 7 months old for the same thing and her oxygen levels were dangerously low. But this isn't that bad, for now. Still scary. I need to feel that fear and not escape into fantasy land. Real life problems > perceived genital inferiority complex.

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It happens. More than you might think. I am reluctant to share too much in the way of details on here, for fear of triggering folks. But that relationship began and ended in that dynamic, so there was nothing else to compare it to. We weren't married, but i can say she genuinely enjoyed it. 

Privately, i definitely don't mind sharing more, but i want to respect the rights of folks who don't want to know to not know.

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There are lots of video clips available on sites like Manyvids, Clips4sale and other similar sites that feature a sexy dominant woman humiliating the viewer for having a small penis, being secretly gay, being a cuckold, or whatever. It's basically femdom that involves the debasement of the male viewer.

Many of these women who make this sort of material are on Twitter - there is a whole porn/sex culture out there on Twitter that doesn't exist on other social networks to the same degree at all.

For the most part though, these women are not particularly aroused by what they do. It's just easy money to them. There can be no doubt that some of them do genuinely enjoy humiliating men, but largely they are catering for a male fantasy to make money. Basically, the male viewer is being aroused by degrading himself.

Any attention that a woman shows to a man can be seen as potentially sexual, whether positive, negative or just neutral. So even material that involves men being dominated and abused by women is seen as erotic.

That being said, some women are indeed sexually aroused by humiliating and dominating men. But in general, women are actually more submissive than men and if you look at what actually turns women on, they tend to prefer being dominated by a man and assuming a submissive role themselves.

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  • 3 months later...

I just found this site, and was surprised, and glad, to see the posts about SPH and cuckolding. This is something I've been perplexed by for a couple of years. Like everyone else, I've spent most of my life trying to keep my small penis a secret, and was horrified and embarrassed if someone saw it. I'm about 5.5 inches erect, but less than an inch flaccid. Sometimes it retracts completely inside my body, leaving only a small ring of wrinkled skin exposed.

Through no choice of my own, most of my doctors have been female, which never really bothered me. I guess the whole "medical professional" thing put me more at ease. But other than that, I was terribly embarrassed by my small penis. I can pinpoint the first time that SPH started to turn me on, but I really have no idea why it did. Right at the beginning of my yearly exam, my doctor had to leave the room for a moment. I was sitting on the exam table, completely naked, when the door started to open. I assumed it was my doctor, but to my horror, it was one of the girls from the office. As soon as she entered she gasped, and then apologized for coming into the room, saying she thought it was empty. I noticed that her eyes were locked onto my penis, which was barely visible.She kept apologizing, but made no move to leave. It felt like minutes went by, but it was probably only 10 or 20 seconds until she turned around and left.

After the exam, I stopped at the office window to collect some paperwork and make a new appointment. Just as I was leaving, the other girl came over to the window and apologized again saying "I really am so sorry about intruding on your privacy and embarrassing you like that".  I noticed that the office had grown quiet, and all of the other girls were now staring at me. As I drove home, I kept thinking about that. Of course, they would ask her what happened. But would she tell them everything, in every detail? To my surprise, thinking about that was starting to turn me on. Knowing that all of those girls knew exactly what my penis looked like, and they all knew exactly how small it was. For the life of me, I don't understand why that turned me on so much. How did I go from being completely embarrassed about my penis size, to being turned on when someone sees it. I would love to know if anyone else experienced that turn around. Or can explain how it happened.

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I have the same sort of thing when I drink @YOTH, except I do stupid scenarios where I pretend like I sent a pic of myself to a chick and apologize and try and peak their interest. Then when I’m hungover and they have responded it’s a little cat and mouse game basically to see if I can get them to agree to me sending the pic and then get them to comment on my size. 

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I went to a clothing optional open air spa a few years ago and chose to take the spa treatments fully nude (this is the first time that anyone other than my significant other has seen me nude in years and this includes doctors). Fortunately for me it was not very crowded but the masseuses (2) plus the owner (all younger females) saw me laying there on my back, fully exposed, with all my shrinkage for several hours.

I was a nervous wreck the entire time and I have no doubt that at times, due to the cool breeze, that I had an "innie" no matter how much I concentrated on keeping my turtle from going into hiding.

As I was preparing to leave I gave the masseuses a nice tip but it felt (based on their smiles) like they couldn't wait for me to leave to discuss what they just saw.

It may have all been in my mind but I could just picture them snickering and talking to each other, after I left, about the tiny penis they just saw on a fully grown man. I think it was a turn on to think about this but it was definitely different than a "normal" turn on. I'd probably do it again.

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I fantasize about being cuckolded by a girlfriend or wife.  I'm single now, but I was in a poly relationship.  She didn't use the term cuckolding, but she had a husband, and two boyfriends with big dicks.  Yes, she really did.  That 2nd boyfriend was a trans male.  She asked him to buy a larger strapon than the one he was originally wearing.  

It wasn't until my birthday about 5 years into the relationship that I had the chance to see her with her tall hung boyfriend.  He never wanted to let me watch, but she would have from the beginning.  He frustrates the hell out of me, yet we are neighbors and really close friends to this day even though she has moved in with her trans male partner.

A year or so into my relationship with her I realize that even if I couldn't watch her with the biggest boyfriend, if she called my penis small, I'd get somewhat of a similar dynamic.  It did work.  I didn't want that often though.  At the end before she moved on she offered to do it more as she was trying to build intimacy between us again.  It had died down because I saw her drifting really really close to the trans boyfriend and away from the rest of us.

I have been and still am accepting of my desire to be cuckolded.  The only BIG problem that I have with it is finding a primary life partner that is into it as well, or as my last girlfriend......is poly and has hung lovers.  I don't need a whole lot of cuckold talk, just the right ingredients/people.  

Another thing that happened to me was that I got interested in fisting and large insertions early on in my sex life.  My first girlfriend had a large vulva and very elastic vagina.  It intimidated me, made me curious, and turned me on big time all at once!  I've been into fisting ever since that first relationship, but I didn't know that fisting was an actual sex act till getting on the internet a year or two later.  I had my first sexual experience in  95'.

 I think we should not feel shame for having these fantasies.  I think when we do it is because we are believing mainstream opinions about these fantasies.

Something that helped me too was looking at tumblrs about small penises.  There are some that are not about humiliation.  Both the SPH posts and the non humiliation posts have helped me to see that smaller penises can be sexually fun too.

I think giving some light small penis humiliation a try is a good idea.  It can be therapeutic.  Some amount of acceptance happens.  Going to nude beaches or being nude at hippie festivals has helped me too.

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  • 2 months later...

Years after the "event" I still fantasize about it. I didn't really know or accept that I had a small penis until my wife of two years in our mid twenties had a random 3some with a guy I had known from childhood. We were a bit imbibed at the time and it seemed innocent at the beginning. She was giggling a lot and it seemed all that was going to happen was she was going to show her new tits from a year prior. It escalated when she said he had to show something too. Once she saw it the giggling stopped, even though she kept asking " is this alright?" I could tell she was really excited and once she handled it I was excited as well. Seeing him make her orgasm so easily and so often in a short time made me feel so inadequate. I had thought I was a good lover and had been told I was by her and others but I was out of my league with Steve. He was larger than average length but the girth was incredible. As a matter of fact as he was doing her I thought she was in pain so I asked if it hurt to which she replied, " omg no, it feels incredible." 

I suffered from premature ejacultation for months after this event. Every time we would have sex in my mind all I could see was him inside her and hear the sounds she made as she orgasmed on him. I just couldn't get it out of my head. 

Now when i travel years later for business I lay in the hotel bed and relive it in my mind as i masturbate. I remember the looks she gave him and and how she would look at me and how I knew she was comparing his size with mine. 

Now when I see guys talking to her I always figure they have a much bigger penis than me and that she is thinking the same. It makes me excited and depressed at the same time.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 5/2/2018 at 8:30 AM, Joboo said:

Years after the "event" I still fantasize about it. I didn't really know or accept that I had a small penis until my wife of two years in our mid twenties had a random 3some with a guy I had known from childhood. We were a bit imbibed at the time and it seemed innocent at the beginning. She was giggling a lot and it seemed all that was going to happen was she was going to show her new tits from a year prior. It escalated when she said he had to show something too. Once she saw it the giggling stopped, even though she kept asking " is this alright?" I could tell she was really excited and once she handled it I was excited as well. Seeing him make her orgasm so easily and so often in a short time made me feel so inadequate. I had thought I was a good lover and had been told I was by her and others but I was out of my league with Steve. He was larger than average length but the girth was incredible. As a matter of fact as he was doing her I thought she was in pain so I asked if it hurt to which she replied, " omg no, it feels incredible." 

I suffered from premature ejacultation for months after this event. Every time we would have sex in my mind all I could see was him inside her and hear the sounds she made as she orgasmed on him. I just couldn't get it out of my head. 

Now when i travel years later for business I lay in the hotel bed and relive it in my mind as i masturbate. I remember the looks she gave him and and how she would look at me and how I knew she was comparing his size with mine. 

Now when I see guys talking to her I always figure they have a much bigger penis than me and that she is thinking the same. It makes me excited and depressed at the same time.

For some reason we can enjoy a professional ball player perform way beyond us, but not a sex athlete, particularly with our regular partner.

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On ‎5‎/‎2‎/‎2018 at 8:30 AM, Joboo said:

Years after the "event" I still fantasize about it. I didn't really know or accept that I had a small penis until my wife of two years in our mid twenties had a random 3some with a guy I had known from childhood. We were a bit imbibed at the time and it seemed innocent at the beginning. She was giggling a lot and it seemed all that was going to happen was she was going to show her new tits from a year prior. It escalated when she said he had to show something too. Once she saw it the giggling stopped, even though she kept asking " is this alright?" I could tell she was really excited and once she handled it I was excited as well. Seeing him make her orgasm so easily and so often in a short time made me feel so inadequate. I had thought I was a good lover and had been told I was by her and others but I was out of my league with Steve. He was larger than average length but the girth was incredible. As a matter of fact as he was doing her I thought she was in pain so I asked if it hurt to which she replied, " omg no, it feels incredible." 

I had a very similar experience with a girl friend when she submitted to a 3 man gangbang in front of me.  On top of the kind of thing you describe above, each of them came 2-3 times sometimes in her mouth and sometimes in her vagina plus she talked dirty with guys throughout.  Sometimes they hurt her with inconsiderate insertions, but she only objected for a moment.  She said she didn't love or even like the guys, but admitted they were "good fucks."   I was very aroused watching, but was to cowardly to joint-in being so small and ordinary by comparison.  We didn't last long together after that.

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  • 4 months later...
On 10/26/2017 at 5:16 PM, Victimorthecrime said:

So this consensual cuckold stuff really happens in real life?  I was always skeptical about the reality of it. 

I've been married to my wife for over 20 years. The first time she was with another man was about 10 years ago, but it didn't become a regular thing until 4 years ago.

For those that don't want to know, I'm not going to say more.  For those that do, find a way to get in touch with me.

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i have a similar thing. i have become obssesed with being humiliated by friends and family knowing how small i am. i told an old friend and it was a huge thrill. now i worried i am going to tell/expose myself to others as a result of this. it has begun to produce bad urges/ideas. thankfully i have not acted but still. l hope to overcome it. because its a real raw sexual thril and is bound to cause trouble.

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