Here Comes the Rollercoaster

[Victimorthecrime]

9 hours ago, YOTH said:

but all this 'men who are insecure lose women' nonsense only works on women who are equally insecure

YOTH - don't conflate being insecure with being vulnerable. Two different things.  A great man could have vulnerabilities but a great man could never be insecure.  

[Victimorthecrime]

5 hours ago, Klingsor said:

Small did a good job of summarizing my thoughts on this.

He always fucking does that 😋😂😆

[Klingsor]

49 minutes ago, Victimorthecrime said:

 A great man could have vulnerabilities but a great man could never be insecure.  

 

 

[YOTH]

@Victimorthecrime Very true, agreed. 

[LostBoy]

I honestly wasn't looking at placing blame on my wife for any of this that's happening. She's out of town and has no idea of my "mood" because we're only talking by text and a phone call or two each day. I'm very introverted so I don't say much to give clues of my mental state. I guess I was just hoping that she was looking forward to a bedroom reunion and thought that would lift my spirits a little. When she showed little to no real interest it bruised an already super fragile ego.

I do, however, agree that females can be emotionally manipulative and that their feelings matter but guys should just "get over it".

To hell with it....I agree with you guys....women are "bitches". 😎 

[Klingsor]

Just to clarify - I wasn't implying your wife is a bitch, just incapable of understanding your/our situation and need for reassurance. And there are rarities like IrmaJean who are genuinely decent human beings. But if you're expecting to find understanding and reciprocity in a twenty something with raging libido, don't.

[LostBoy]

@Klingsor, no worries. I didn't take it that way, I was just commenting on the overarching conversation shift downing women in general. I do agree that females, for the most part, are incapable of understanding. 

As I mentioned before, it's been years since I've even spoken to my wife about my self-esteem issues (SPS).

She's had her own personal battles with depression so I do my best to play the "strong" one. I also go back to the fact that I wasn't looking for her to understand what I am going through, I was just wanting a small sign of sexual desire for me during our absence from each other.

Hoping that would relieve the voices of suspicion in my head and would give me something to look forward to upon her return.

[RonaldU]

8 hours ago, Klingsor said:

Just to clarify - I wasn't implying your wife is a bitch, just incapable of understanding your/our situation and need for reassurance. And there are rarities like IrmaJean who are genuinely decent human beings. But if you're expecting to find understanding and reciprocity in a twenty something with raging libido, don't.

 

I don't share that vision on women to be honest. I don't think Irma Jean it's a rare exception, y think there are many more women like that than men.

It's like if women rule the world and all man are oppressed, not the case I think. In fact this subject is one of the few ones where women have power over men. The alpha male culture we live in makes a small penis symbol of lack of power, so women use it, still from a submissive position ("you are not capable of satisfy me" in the same way they would say "you are not able to feed your children"), to gain certain power over men by questioning your adjustment to the traditional concept of masculinity. 

But blaming women for not being sympathetic... try to share this issue with men that don't have this issue and after it tell me how sympathetic and respectful they are with it... just try. 

 

[Klingsor]

Ronald I agree with most of what you've said, especially the last part. I'm not really accusing women of being intentionally malicious, I'm just saying they're incapable of showing pity or understanding simply because they're women and not men. How could they understand?

I completely agree with what you said about women using this issue as a weapon. I don't think they realize how hurtful it is, and they've simply picked up on it over the last 30-40 years as an effective way to piss a man off. True, there are actual bitches out there, but I don't think even those understand how hurtful it is, only that it works.

I will always contend homosexuals and porn started this big dick obsession in the 70's. That and locker room sports culture. Nobody understands this unless they've worked in industry/manufacturing, but there is not a week that goes by that I don't hear some reference to cock size among the guys I work with. It could be something like taking a measurement and inevitably you'll hear a "that's what she said" type comment about dicks. One of my coworkers apparently has a small dick, and it's a frequent subject of ridicule. He takes it well, sometimes he'll even mention it offhandedly in a joking way. He's good looking and works out and is married to a hot girl, so maybe he doesn't care. I've never inquired about it or participated in the joking, so I'm not sure how or when it became known, I just know it's a frequent running joke. All I can do is laugh and try to make myself busy, inside I'm cringing. THATS what a lot of people don't get - it isn't just in these rabid feminist offices that you have to hear this shit, it's everywhere. And the men are as bad as the women or worse. Granted it's claimed all "in fun", but they really give him hell. 

[YOTH]

@Klingsor I heard about 3-4 penis reference jokes yesterday. A few during measuring a cupboard and another two about a pipe that was being fitted lol. Not to mention a whole gathering of staff to snigger and laugh at a guy with less that subtle makeup on. I thought he looked like Marc Bolan or something, but the whole place was buzzing about it. Weird and disturbing to see people get together as a pack to mock someone different. But that's work I guess. 

[Small]

Well that's people for you. A bunch of clueless animals. Can't stand humanity & I have no respect for them. I sincerely hope we are invaded by a technologically advanced alien civilization and are extinguished. Lol. My only wish would be to see the look on people's faces the exact moment they realize they are about to die. Haha. Fucking cunts. I only have time for people that reflect and self evaluate. Fuck the rest.

[Klingsor]

Yes that's work. Glorious, liberating, self-actualizing work. Where the weakest and least suited to it are forced to endure the harassment of coworkers behaving like hyenas around a dying animal just to put bread on their plate, all in the name of progress and community. Where "jobs, jobs, jobs" are the pinnacle of human civilization and achievement. I would gladly do without cell phones, social media, computers, automobiles, washing machines, and wipe my ass with corn cobs if it meant I didn't have to go to a fucking job every day. We live in the most brutal period of human history. Wage slavery is slavery. Choice is an illusion. Instead of whips and chains you've got a labyrinthine network of tax codes, beauracrats, and federal and local cops armed with warrants who throw you in jail with brutes to be ass raped, beat, tortured and humiliated for not giving Uncle Sugar and "society" your fair share. 

[YOTH]

The Work Cult. 5 days on 2 days off (if you're lucky). Studying Scientology opened my eyes to the fact that they didn't know or don't know they were in a cult, neither do most of us. Who needs shackles when you're tracked every step with phones and kept in line by the other sheep. Who needs wolves when the sheep herd themselves? Sheep analogy is tired and over used by conspiracy theorists, but it's accurate in this case. I want to work smart and spend Christmas in the fucking Alps. That Alps thing is a personal gripe XD

[Klingsor]

1 minute ago, YOTH said:

Who needs shackles when you're tracked every step with phones and kept in line by the other sheep. Who needs wolves when the sheep herd themselves? 

Exactly. Exactly. The whole thing is an exercise in subtlety because there is no single individual, no matter how evil or cruel, that can match the oppression and sheer brutality of public opinion.

[Victimorthecrime]

2 hours ago, YOTH said:

I thought he looked like Marc Bolan or something,

Or maybe Ronnie Montrose, on a good day. Rock Candy 🍭 🤘💋baby!  

[Klingsor]

9 hours ago, Small said:

I sincerely hope we are invaded by a technologically advanced alien civilization and are extinguished.

"Thereafter, at the end of the Kali Yuga, when there exists no topics on the subject of God, even in the houses of the so-called saints and respectable men of the twice-born castes, and when the power of government is put into the hands of ministers elected from the shudras and pariahs, and when nothing is known of the techniques of sacrifice, even in word, then at that time will the Lord appear as the supreme chastiser."

- Bhagavata Purana 2.7.38

[YOTH]

9 hours ago, Klingsor said:

"Thereafter, at the end of the Kali Yuga, when there exists no topics on the subject of God, even in the houses of the so-called saints and respectable men of the twice-born castes, and when the power of government is put into the hands of ministers elected from the shudras and pariahs, and when nothing is known of the techniques of sacrifice, even in word, then at that time will the Lord appear as the supreme chastiser."

- Bhagavata Purana 2.7.38

What's the deal with airplane peanuts? - Jerry Seinfeld

[Klingsor]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-5056107/Stephen-Hawking-says-technology-end-poverty-urges-caution.html

 

So there are some happy thoughts for you @Small ... Hopefully the earth stands a good chance of incineration within the not too distant future, whether it's God, the Grays, gamma bursts, nuclear holocaust, nanobot swarms, comets, asteroids, black holes ... It seems a lot of people, both ancient and modern, have thought we need a really good annihilation event. 

[LostBoy]

Well if you have read my other posts, today, in "Embarrassed in front of my wife" then you will know that it has yet to get any better for me. I am reminded of failures and embarrassments in my past and my lack of manliness and masculinity.

I feel very low right now. I've continued to obsess with porn and alcohol after a full week of work and while I have had distractions I cannot take my mind off of my psychological struggles. The more I think about it the more my small penis issues have haunted me for years and the more depressed I feel about the present. I am too old to feel this way, too late in life to have this amount of low self-esteem. I must be extremely tough because otherwise I would have given up by now and just drifted into eternity. From my youth to the present day I have struggled with so many vices, so many insecurities, so many sins, and so many pains and yet I am still here. Yes, I must be one tough SOB.

Strangely enough, tonight, I fell back to music as my only solace. Unfortunately it doesn't really help but only drives me further into the abyss. I am really not looking for help from anyone because I truly believe that I cannot be helped, I don't deserve help for the things I have done but I am only looking to express myself, to tell the story, to be vulnerable, to show my weaknesses and my vices. God only knows how much time I have left on this earth and my only prayer is that the afterlife is something very different than the present.

My favorite song of all time, because it is how I feel and how I have felt for years, is Behind Blue Eyes. It's my theme song, if you will...

No one knows what it's like, to be the bad man, to be the sad man, behind blue eyes

No one knows what it's like, to be hated, to be fated, to telling only lies

But my dreams, they aren't as empty, as my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely, my love is vengeance, that's never free

No one knows what it's like to feel these feelings, like I do, and I blame you

None one bites back as hard, on their anger, none of my pain and woe, can show through

But my dreams, they aren't as empty, as my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely, my love is vengeance, that's never free

When my fist clinches, crack it open, before I use it and lose my cool, when I smile, tell me some bad news, before I laugh and act like a fool

And if I swallow anything evil, put your fingers down my throat, and if I shiver, give me a blanket, keep me warm, let me wear your coat

No one knows what it's like, to be the bad man, to be the sad man, Behind Blue Eyes...

 

I am a man behind blue eyes. I have a false exterior that many cannot see through. I am good at masking what is going on inside my head and my body. I have told a lot on this forum but it is just a drop in the bucket of my life. My conscience is empty, if it wasn't I would feel remorse for past actions. I am hated by many and I have told so many lies to many more. I do have dreams but they do not mean much anymore. I can be in a room full of people or just with an acquaintance or two but I am lonely beyond belief...so lonely. I have no close friends to confide in and I feel things that I cannot express or explain. They are painful and erotic thoughts that tend to disgust me yet continue to draw me to them. I continue to wear the mask of sanity while inwardly my anger is eating away at what little is left of my humanity. I am angry at myself, angry at God for giving me this body, and at the world for emphasizing the value of a large cock. I cannot smile or be happy because it is only a mask to be worn... something to cover up the pain and embarrassment... No one sees what's behind my blue eyes and they never will. I cannot be exposed for the piece of shit worthless loser that I am.

I will overcome this hurdle, this rut, this phase as I have done many times before but it is of little comfort because I know that I will return to this hell, once again, to be pulled into darkness and despair. It is hells version of groundhog day where I wake up to the same struggles that I have always faced.

My only hope is there are people reading this who can have the fortitude to break this ruthless cycle, if they too feel this way. I am not a healer, but a case study to be examined like a corpse in a morgue. Learn from me and my pains and struggles and do not fall into this fathom of loneliness. Be brave, and not a coward like me. Find help, assistance, and friends who you can confide in to overcome these trials and tribulations. Please do as I say and not as I have done.