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Seo Alvin

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Hi, it's me again. I'm 15 and I'm currently in Renaissance International School Saigon in Ho Chi Minh City. Surprising or not, I'm both Korean and Vietnamese.

I came to this school at year 9. My first ever friends there was, Minh. He's a nice kid. He's a great person to talk to when you're sad. We were always together regardless what. Then, in year 10, a Korean girl came in to our school. She wasn't that pretty nor that smart. He fell in love with her in his first sight. They dated in her 3rd day of school. At first I though they were a cute couple until I realize he completely abandoned me. I was lonely for straight 2 months. His other bestie faced the same scenario. His name is Vinh. He's one of those toppers in all subjects. We became best friends. We started to call Minh faggot for choosing hoes before bros for 1 year. However, that was to save him from further sadness due to arguments. We usually see him sad or angry and already can tell that he just argued. I don't know why he keeps arguing with her. I decided to find out why. So I asked her out to watch movie once. She immediately accepted. From that I could tell that she's been talking to other boys except for me. When we were choosing movie, she kept on changing her mind. Moreover, she wouldn't even Dutch pay and I had to pay for all. During the movie she kept on wrapping her arms over mine. I didn't like it because she just invaded my personal space. After the movie, she made me take her home by Uber. I was so mad about it. I told all my friends about it. We all decided to give them advice to slowly break up. In nutshell, their reputation has gone bad to worse. I fear him suffering from depression. He sometimes had nosebleed out of the blue and constantly taking pills which I have no idea what it is. He overeats almost everyday and still wants more. Seeing him smile is like winning the lottery. They've dating for 2 years and that 1 years and a half was my friends and I giving them advice to break up asap. Minh was getting worse and worse. His girlfriend is now considered a bitch and the whole school knows it. They finally broke up about 4 months ago. We were trying to get him back on us but he wouldn't listen. He was going for other Korean girls. All my friends gave up on him and not support him anymore. After he got rejected by all Korean girls in my year group, he still wouldn't get back on us. Nowadays, he got even worse. He started to yell us for no reason. He got mad at me merely because I hung out with Korean girls. No one can understand him now. No one knows what he wants. In addition, no one wants to get close to him because he's been hitting all the girls he knows.

Even though every body gave up on him, I am still yet to give up. I want to do something to change him and make him a better person. What can I do? I need your help!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey Seo,

It's good of you to not give up on your friend. I imagine he's probably a bit heartbroken which is why he's acting so irrationally. My advice would be to listen to him. Invite him over and ask him how he's doing. If he's ready to talk about what's bothering him then he will and if he's not ready then just keep inviting him over and asking him how he's doing/feeling. Hopefully he'll eventually share what's going on with him and then I would say to just be there for him: lend your support, tell him you understand and what you think might help him, etc.
But I'd also be adamant that he needs to stop hitting girls. That behaviour is inexcusable.
Most of all, try to be patient and understanding with your friend. Remember that he's a person and people can be complicated, life can be hard and that sometimes there are things going on below the surface for people that would surprise you.

All the best,
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

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Thank you for your reply! I've tried contacting him to have a talk. Although he's been avoiding all contacts from everyone, he replied to me. He said he needed someone to stand on his side. I also helped him to go over his feelings about his ex-girlfriend by playing 4 hours of csgo with him. Even though, it was the most tiring 4 hours, I'm glad that he doesn't take it personal anymore. Thank you once again! 

Wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

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