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Hello everyone! I am so happy I have found this place!


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Hello everyone! I stumbled onto this forum and man and I am glad I did. It is very relieving to see other guys that struggle with this issue. This is an issue that eats at me every day. It is an issue that, except for a one time quick 30 second event when I was 16, has kept me being a virgin (that's right, no sex of any kind for 12 years), despite two girls absolutely wanting me and begging me to bed them. I am very tired of being lonely and have recently started exploring dating sites (mainly POF). I know that if something does click with one of these girls from online (or if I find one in real life, which I still think is my best chance of finding someone based on my results from POF so far), I will be in quite the predicament. Just like I was 5 years ago when I had a lovely brunette female in my bedroom late at night, or 8 years ago when my friend's step sister (a redhead, which are my weakness, who turned out to be a model a few years later) started sexting me and begging me to drive 45 minutes south to "take a bath" (among other things).

This is an issue that I think deserves way more attention. I even wrote an article about it that I think is worthy of publication (if I was man enough to attach my name to it and send it to various outlets that is). I gave the article the title of "The Last Frontier of Humiliation". Here are a couple paragraphs from it and I would love to hear your feedback:
"Whereas jokes referring to race and sexuality are now socially taboo, not so is the case with regards to the less-endowed men of America. Being one of these men, I am used to the constant reminder that what I have under my pants is a joke according to society. I quickly realized this fact in middle school back when we were calling everything “gay” and using the word as a synonym for "lame". But unlike that immature practice (which faded away as we became adults) the small-penis jokes remained. And they, along with the social stigma that come with them, don’t appear to be going anywhere.

What’s most intriguing to me is that this is the last form of society judging someone based on the way they were born. For many men this means a lifetime of ridicule and embarrassment. Nobody sticks up for them. Nobody even talks about them except in a negative or joking manner. Guys who have them either hide the fact or desperately try to compensate. There is no such thing as a magic penis-enlargement pill (science has proved such), but yet millions of dollars are spent on them every year. It just shows the level of desperation guys with small-dicks endure."

Well, I am happy to say that this site has proved me wrong when I said "nobody even talks about them except in a negative or joking manner." I am very grateful to have come across this forum and I look forward to sharing and helping all of you who, like me, suffer daily with this problem that is now known as "Small Penis Syndrome".

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Well my night just turned to absolute shit. I just spent a good half hour crying, near weeping. The most I have cried in some time. And the reason itself is pretty stupid. I had a chance to win $50 for $0 risk (my 91-year old grandpa runs an NFL football pool and buys me in for free, and every week I have a chance to win $50), I had a good chance, a 75% chance, and then like a 90% chance towards the end of the game, and then, of course, I lost. But for some reason, it killed me. I mean, it's not like I put any of my own money up, but I am in between jobs and I really needed the money and so most of my cries on the ground in agony (like I said I took it very hard) were due to my thinking that God (or fate, or chance) or whatever hates me. (This is the 2nd time this year I had a 75%+ chance to win $50 too and lost), It's fucking cruel this existance. It's like, whoever is running it (the fate of the universe I guess) is fucking sick and it seems like whenever you really need something, whenever you are on your knees (like I was much of the game) and at your weakest, it never works out or comes through (at least not for me).

And the thing about this SPS thing is, whenever you run into really bad luck, you can always remember how you got unluckiest where it counted most: biologically. And then when you think about that, you find yourself on the ground screaming at the sky: "what did I do to deserve this?" I am no way a perfect man, but I can proudly say that I have never fucked anyone over or intentionally caused anyone any type of harm. And if I did by accident, I am always the first to apologize. So then, I am reminded of all the love I could have spent over the years (so much love to give type of thing), that I am sure the few girls that were into me would have paid forward back onto me and everything would have been better. So now I am reminded how lonely, sad, and tired I am. How, even though I have been texting a few girls over the last few days, how, it's not going to work out. Even if you were able to get to the point of being with them, they are just going to reject you based on your size.

You mix all these things together. The bad luck of the evening, when you needed that $50 so bad, how much it would have helped you as opposed to one of my grandpa's rich retired doctor friends. How, life just shits on you time after time (I am a recovering drug addict too, so yeah, I'm not kidding when I say the universe has shit on me). Anyways, you mix all of those things plus not crying for a few months (at least), and you get an epic 30 minute cry on the carpet in agony. I made my first Facebook post in a while and it read:
"Like seriously, what's the point of anything if God (or fate, or chance, or whatever) hates you? It's a fact that in this cold, indifferent, and completely random universe (I'm sorry people, but I go off of facts, and although I like to think there's something more, the fact is THIS life is all luck/chance. Some people are going to be just absolutely shit on and some aren't. Some people are going to make the train commute to work, some aren't. (And no this isn't about that, just referencing it). I realize I live in a first world country (which could be considered lucky), but this is all I know, and I just can't catch a break in this fucking existence. And all I see around me is negative shit, bad news, basically no real genuine human beings, just...I'd rather death take me now if this shit is going to continue for much longer."

I'll just say the cliche as fuck saying here: Sometimes I wish I was never born or could have died at birth like a lot of people expected me to, or died of an overdose like a lot of people expected me, (I guess the next step is people expecting suicide, which, as a 28 year old pseudo-virgin with nothing to show for his pitiful life despite being born into an upper-middle-class family, who is so cripplingly lonely that he dreams about a romantic relationship every day of his life, suicide seems pretty practical.)

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@PDXsUnHungAndUnsungHero I am so sorry

you feel this way. You are an awesome person and I hope the woman of your dreams sees that. I can’t thank you enough for all that you’ve given to me, a stranger. I hope you realize that you have so much to offer the world and you’ve made an impact on me especially. Keep fighting the good fight. None of your past problems define who you are as a person. You’re a victor my friend!

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I must have missed your post which is unusual for me, I normally read everything on here because I've got nothing better to do lol. Sounds like you've had it rough but it also sounds like you've come through a lot. Drug addiction seems to come hand in hand with our thing, at least it did for me, but you sound like you've got a bead on it which ain't nothing. Welcome to the forum anyway, and I enjoyed your writing, you should get in on this book we're supposed to be writing. 

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11 hours ago, YOTH said:

I enjoyed your writing, you should get in on this book we're supposed to be writing. 

Yes, I would love to.

13 hours ago, BellaMeilan said:

You are an awesome person and I hope the woman of your dreams sees that. I can’t thank you enough for all that you’ve given to me, a stranger. I hope you realize that you have so much to offer the world and you’ve made an impact on me especially. Keep fighting the good fight. None of your past problems define who you are as a person. You’re a victor my friend!

Bellllla, why are you so nice? Thank you though every bit of encouragement helps. I hope my PM wasn't a bit too much lol.

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Just now, PDXsUnHungAndUnsungHero said:

Yes, I would love to.

Bellllla, why are you so nice? Thank you though every bit of encouragement helps. I hope my PM wasn't a bit too much lol.

No, I haven’t had a chance to read all of it. I’ll respond to you shortly. I wanted to quickly respond to your question if I was trolling because I didn’t want you to think I was. 

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Quote

Just like I was 5 years ago when I had a lovely brunette female in my bedroom late at night, or 8 years ago when my friend's step sister (a redhead, which are my weakness, who turned out to be a model a few years later) started sexting me and begging me to drive 45 minutes south to "take a bath" (among other things).

 

 

I know how it feels. I've had girls, really beautiful ones, literally sit on my lap at the bar and say "take me home". I usually find a way to back out of it. Just last month I was at a girlfriend's (not a girlfriend but a friend that is a girl) birthday party. A random woman not associated with our group came over and sat next to me obviously interested and then she asked if I'd buy her a drink. I told her I don't think my girlfriend would like that. And you guessed it. I don't have a girlfriend. I wish I had some actual advice you but I don't.

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5 minutes ago, Someday said:

A random woman not associated with our group came over and sat next to me obviously interested and then she asked if I'd buy her a drink. I told her I don't think my girlfriend would like that. And you guessed it. I don't have a girlfriend.

Oh man, it broke my heart to read that. Yeah, I honestly don't know how I would respond to a chick hitting on me in a bar. Yep, we were not meant for the life of promiscuity I'm afraid.

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On 12/19/2017 at 4:22 AM, YOTH said:

I must have missed your post which is unusual for me, I normally read everything on here because I've got nothing better to do lol. Sounds like you've had it rough but it also sounds like you've come through a lot. Drug addiction seems to come hand in hand with our thing, at least it did for me, but you sound like you've got a bead on it which ain't nothing. Welcome to the forum anyway, and I enjoyed your writing, you should get in on this book we're supposed to be writing. 

Totally agree, while chasing life's dopamine we settle for food and drugs I thought it was just me :image: :sad_huggy:

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On 12/20/2017 at 12:18 AM, PDXsUnHungAndUnsungHero said:

Oh man, it broke my heart to read that. Yeah, I honestly don't know how I would respond to a chick hitting on me in a bar. Yep, we were not meant for the life of promiscuity I'm afraid.

Unless were rich & famous, like how George found his Martha or how the rest of these sps celebrities get laid, money is a man's make up :Dunno:

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George? Which George? And yes, it's true money makes it way easier for a guy with SPS, but I think it's unfair to the rich SPS celebrities to say it means too much because, well let me put it this way, the girl would be putting herself out for a rich and famous guy no matter what (probably even if he had no cock). It's just this fucking life man. Money = everything. And what's 2nd? Fame,

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On 12/19/2017 at 5:40 AM, PDXsUnHungAndUnsungHero said:

Well my night just turned to absolute shit. I just spent a good half hour crying, near weeping. The most I have cried in some time. And the reason itself is pretty stupid. I had a chance to win $50 for $0 risk (my 91-year old grandpa runs an NFL football pool and buys me in for free, and every week I have a chance to win $50), I had a good chance, a 75% chance, and then like a 90% chance towards the end of the game, and then, of course, I lost. But for some reason, it killed me. I mean, it's not like I put any of my own money up, but I am in between jobs and I really needed the money and so most of my cries on the ground in agony (like I said I took it very hard) were due to my thinking that God (or fate, or chance) or whatever hates me. (This is the 2nd time this year I had a 75%+ chance to win $50 too and lost), It's fucking cruel this existance. It's like, whoever is running it (the fate of the universe I guess) is fucking sick and it seems like whenever you really need something, whenever you are on your knees (like I was much of the game) and at your weakest, it never works out or comes through (at least not for me).

And the thing about this SPS thing is, whenever you run into really bad luck, you can always remember how you got unluckiest where it counted most: biologically. And then when you think about that, you find yourself on the ground screaming at the sky: "what did I do to deserve this?" I am no way a perfect man, but I can proudly say that I have never fucked anyone over or intentionally caused anyone any type of harm. And if I did by accident, I am always the first to apologize. So then, I am reminded of all the love I could have spent over the years (so much love to give type of thing), that I am sure the few girls that were into me would have paid forward back onto me and everything would have been better. So now I am reminded how lonely, sad, and tired I am. How, even though I have been texting a few girls over the last few days, how, it's not going to work out. Even if you were able to get to the point of being with them, they are just going to reject you based on your size.

You mix all these things together. The bad luck of the evening, when you needed that $50 so bad, how much it would have helped you as opposed to one of my grandpa's rich retired doctor friends. How, life just shits on you time after time (I am a recovering drug addict too, so yeah, I'm not kidding when I say the universe has shit on me). Anyways, you mix all of those things plus not crying for a few months (at least), and you get an epic 30 minute cry on the carpet in agony. I made my first Facebook post in a while and it read:
"Like seriously, what's the point of anything if God (or fate, or chance, or whatever) hates you? It's a fact that in this cold, indifferent, and completely random universe (I'm sorry people, but I go off of facts, and although I like to think there's something more, the fact is THIS life is all luck/chance. Some people are going to be just absolutely shit on and some aren't. Some people are going to make the train commute to work, some aren't. (And no this isn't about that, just referencing it). I realize I live in a first world country (which could be considered lucky), but this is all I know, and I just can't catch a break in this fucking existence. And all I see around me is negative shit, bad news, basically no real genuine human beings, just...I'd rather death take me now if this shit is going to continue for much longer."

I'll just say the cliche as fuck saying here: Sometimes I wish I was never born or could have died at birth like a lot of people expected me to, or died of an overdose like a lot of people expected me, (I guess the next step is people expecting suicide, which, as a 28 year old pseudo-virgin with nothing to show for his pitiful life despite being born into an upper-middle-class family, who is so cripplingly lonely that he dreams about a romantic relationship every day of his life, suicide seems pretty practical.)

We're all going to die one day anyway. Death can wait. No matter how shit life is, just stick it out and see what it brings. The more shit it throws at you, the tougher you become!

But you're completely right when you state that life is unfair. Of course life is unfair - that is the rule for all biological life on planet Earth!

The philosophy of Social Darwinism, associated with Nazis and fascists, is undeniably true. Much more true than any politically correct notions of 'equality'. Quite simply, the Darwinian biological laws apply to human beings as much as they do to any other animal. I would go as far as to say that society is biology.

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When it rains, it takes a shit. My car is playing up, I have to wait until after the New Year to get it fixed, took it out today and it ran like shit. Hopefully it's a simple fix, but who knows, it could have a broken Johnson Rod for all I know. On top of that my insurance is being cancelled due to Audible taking money from a card I removed. That meant my balance was off, my insurance didn't come out (3rd time) as now they're cancelling it. My water bill didn't come out last month after falling behind and they're wanting to send collectors, that won't end well. When it rains, it shits on you. I just have to keep positive and take it one day at a time, I don't want 2018 to be the same as 2017, I want excitement and new horizons, new opportunities and positive thinking. This flu kicked the living shit out of me this year, more so that any previous flu, it kept coming in waves and felt like it was gaining strength every day for a fresh arse kicking. I still don't feel quite right, I'm tired and just off slightly. I had sex a few times which was nice, once was spontaneous and awesome and the other time was an attempt at recreating the spontaneity and as usual when trying to catch magic in a bottle, it didn't work. It was still nice to reconnect after a long time apart from illness etc. But I don't want to start the year struggling uphill, I'd like to start from a place of positivity and move forward with purpose. 2017 was a strange year, it had birth, death and everything in-between. So, positive attitudes and a cup half full for 2018, let's see what it brings. 

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Hang in there YOTH.  I know that 'when it rains it pours' feeling.  All I can say is get over this flu and then try to find some source of income, maybe start w an easy part time job and go from there because it sounds like your biggest problems are financial.  Not trying to preach, just offering an idea.  

Try things. That's all any of us can do. Keep trying things until you find what works for you.  

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7 hours ago, YOTH said:

I don't want 2018 to be the same as 2017, I want excitement and new horizons, new opportunities and positive thinking.

It's not going to be. 2018 is going to be a muuuch better year, it has to be. Like, there's no where to go but up (which means lots of excitement, new horizons, ect.)

7 hours ago, YOTH said:

I had sex a few times which was nice,

Well, shit man, there you go! Like, I can't understate how lucky you are YOTH. Guys with SPS often end up like me, no sex for years and little to no hope of it happening anytime soon. Luckily lately (for me) it has went from no hope to a little hope and I'm thinking 2018 will be the year I finally lose my pseudo-virginity.

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The one that I first told about my small dickism? We're still texting but nothing like that one night. And she just moved a further 30-45 minutes away so now she's over an hour away :( . But luckily I am in contact with two other girls, one that lives in my town. I feel like 2018 will finally be the year but maybe not until the summer or whenever I get in better shape. Like, I feel so physically unable to fuck. I just don't feel attractive but who knows, I'm told it's mostly in my head.

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Well it's my number one new year's resolution (not that I ever do those), enough of one that I grabbed my basketball from my ex-landlady's. There's a court a half mile away so I'm gonna go back to walking and shooting hoops every day or other day (especially since the skies have finally cleared here in PDX area, let's hope it isn't that rainy of a winter). But yeah, based on my experience from the summer at least I know I can get in shape. Before I lost my job (or hours more accurately), I was starting to look quite acceptable but I was walking a mile or two every night at work and playing mad sessions of ping pong with my co worker (which I miss the most from working at this place).

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