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"No one ever feels a need to leave a relationship because of bad sex" [trigger warning]


LaLa

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1 hour ago, Toosmallforcomfort said:

My Mother thinks she had all this planned from the very beginning. She is very intelligent, her IQ is 140, more attractive than I am given our XX/XY differences, and one of her best friends is a divorce lawyer (not representing her). Perhaps I'm in denial.

It sounds like a nightmare, but it also sounds like the money she gets was money well spent to get her out of your life. Hopefully you can find a decent woman who isn't a malignant cunt and move on with your life. 

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Talking about it is therapuitic. My business partners and friends all know many, but not all of the details mentioned here.  Alas, there are two sides to every story, but I tried to be fair and express her feelings/side as well on here as she is quite vocal about her needs/feeling toward me. We just have very different views on happiness for one's life. Unfortunately, there are kids involved, but they seem to be doing ok.  Years ago, she called alimony as "combat pay".  I wonder if she still feels the same way.

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43 minutes ago, Toosmallforcomfort said:

Talking about it is therapuitic. My business partners and friends all know many, but not all of the details mentioned here.  Alas, there are two sides to every story, but I tried to be fair and express her feelings/side as well on here as she is quite vocal about her needs/feeling toward me. We just have very different views on happiness for one's life. Unfortunately, there are kids involved, but they seem to be doing ok.  Years ago, she called alimony as "combat pay".  I wonder if she still feels the same way.

As long as the kids are doing ok, it's them who can really suffer during divorce, so it's a definite bonus if they're doing ok. If I was married and got divorced we'd be splitting my Miami Vice boxset down the middle, because that's all I've got 😂

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15 hours ago, Toosmallforcomfort said:

Well for full disclosure, my wife told me that she was 6 weeks pregnant on my birthday when we were just married four weeks earlier.

What are you saying?  One of the kids is someone else's?  That, in itself, is not a big deal in my mind as parenting makes you the parent.  What is this woman like as a parent?

But I guess she didn't want to outrage her family by getting pregnant out of "wedlock?"   Maybe she feared abortion or wanted some stud's offspring?  Or just thought it was time to get some "betabux".  (dollars from a low sexual status male?)

Interesting that these great sex partners for adventurous women so often are not marriage material.  I remember expressing shock about that to some of the women I mentioned when they disparaged some of their outstanding fuck partners as totally unfit to be a husband or even shack-up material.

What is the deal with the Urban Dictionary?  Why isn't it demonized as racism in "progressive" circles?  Or is it?   Doesn't it make Black People look uniformly uncivilized?   Does it really spring from street culture or is it some sort of covert social engineering from feminist or other well funded activists?

The women I was close to for internet discussion of sexual issues were all into the "Urban Dictionary" in a completely uncritical way.  Some of these women were Black, others White.  They were always using Urban Dictionary terms and I would have to look them up.  Right at the moment, I can't think of any "anti-woman" or "slut shaming" stuff in the Urban Dictionary, but, then again, it was only women directing me to it.  I'm no expert.

 

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On 12/6/2019 at 10:49 PM, lbaker said:

Yup, that is exactly the lingo they used,  "He's gay.  I'm his beard or I DON'T WANT TO BE HIS BEARD."  And speaking with friends settles it!

Really what they mean is "you" aren't like the other men she has known that have a strong desire to have sex frequently, insist on frequent sex, very actively want to make her orgasm, and want to repeat "all night long" or at least have a short refractory period.   They want to be desired in a demonstrable way.

This has nothing to do with sps or bdd as defined by the Medical / Psychological Establishment.  It's about hormonal inadequacy though we often project it on our small penis.  According to the women with whom I discussed this, the men in question did not have a below average penis.  One was six and the other just under.

This is not to suggest that a small penis handicap does not exist.  But a woman won't get tired of a hormonally adequate man who displays normal male desire for her, even if he has a small penis, in the same way she would a man that, most of the time, doesn't seem to want her.  When one of the women I was discussing this with finally had sex outside her marriage she was totally thrilled to have a man that wanted her for a change, to feel that desire from him.  She wasn't' even concerned that the initial sex was "so so" as far as her orgasms were concerned though she did orgasm.  Soon, after they practiced, she was having multiple orgasms with him.

Might as well have full disclosure (I wrote this in the "small and gay" thread):   Maybe it will be therapeutic.

Almost every woman I've been with except my 1st wife suggested I might be gay.  I was quite resentful of such questions.  I'd ask what made you ask that?  Do I look gay?  I never got an answer and I didn't want to suggest any because I thought maybe I was gay just like they did but didn't want to pursue why at the time.

Now, I can see they were referring to my non-aggressive personality, especially my lack of sexual aggression which they saw as the sine qua non of maleness.  In women's mind it seems if you aren't real aggressive sexually, you must be gay.  They don't want to think they aren't attractive, esp. to real men.  

Prostitutes were very quick to ask if I was gay.  Almost universally they would mention how gentle I was and mention how most guys were very disrespectful of prostitutes fucked really hard as if it was a compliment to me.  Somehow I knew it wasn't a compliment, but I wanted to think it was.  Some would hold my dick to see if I responded to gay fantasies or gay porn.  I actually didn't respond to that sort of thing, but could respond in private to gay porn if I made an effort.  I didn't know if that proved I was gay or not.

When I actually experimented with gay sex decades later to "decide the issue" I didn't get erect either, but must admit enjoyed in an odd, but dramatic way the dominant behavior of the dominate gay guy.  To put it bluntly, I literally enjoyed the "big dick energy" which I could actually feel.  Maybe such energy is real as Reich claimed.  I was glowing everywhere.  

I ran into this quote in Wikipedia while studying Alfred Adler:

"Adler believed that he had established a connection between homosexuality and an inferiority complex towards one's own gender. This point of view differed from Freud's theory that homosexuality is rooted in narcissism or Jung's view of expressions of contrasexuality vis-à-vis the archetypes of the Anima and Animus."

The modern theory seems to posit inborn tendency defying cause and effect analysis.

I was thinking, maybe all these theories are true for various subsets of gays.  To the extent I've had some homosexual feelings, it is based on inferiority complex, I think.

Ok.  I'm finally getting to the "small penis and gay (or gay experiment)."

Using Craig's list, it took me forever to find a partner for my experiment.  You guessed it!  Everyone was looking for young and hung.   I was 55 and unhung.  All wanted erect and flaccid pictures before meeting if they didn't reject me out of hand.  Many, but not all, seemed to enjoy rejecting me.  Some actually apologized for a size obsession.

Finally, I heard from an Asian who was looking for a large Westerner who would accept domination from a petite, well-hung Asian.  I said ok, but he wanted pictures showing height, weight and penis hard and soft.  He said he would prefer a hung submissive, but I would have to do for now.  I said no anal, but he said with a chuckle,  "We'll see, you might change your mind."  He did say that me being a virgin to gay sex was a big plus as he enjoyed that.

As I said, I never got an erection, but I must admit I was really impressed by his "big dick energy". though I didn't know what to call it at the time.  It wasn't just his aggressive dominant sexual self assertion, but also my responsive full body tingling and glow in a seemingly real energy transfer.  In spite of no erection or orgasm for me, I actually saw him 3 times within a couple weeks under the premise I was still confused about my sexual orientation.

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1 hour ago, Toosmallforcomfort said:

No, they are definitely both mine. But we did agree to wait awhile.  

I must be dense. 

You agreed to wait?  When?  About what?  Maybe when you got married you had agreed to wait awhile to have kids, but she knew she was already pregnant by you?

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5 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

so what’s the next step? Are you going to purse another relationship or stay single for awhile?  (If I’m following the bouncing ball here)

Although, I'm in a better mind set now than I was 2 months ago, I'm just in no mood to pursue another relationship at this time. I have a lot of healing to do first plus I want to see where I stand after the divorce is final.

 

4 hours ago, lbaker said:

You agreed to wait?  When?  About what?  Maybe when you got married you had agreed to wait awhile to have kids, but she knew she was already pregnant by you?

Before we got married, we talked about waiting maybe 2 or 3 years before we have kids and I believed both of us were on the same page.

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23 hours ago, lbaker said:

What is the deal with the Urban Dictionary?  Why isn't it demonized as racism in "progressive" circles?  Or is it?   Doesn't it make Black People look uniformly uncivilized?   Does it really spring from street culture or is it some sort of covert social engineering from feminist or other well funded activists?

Nope!  Looks like it really rises from the street slang with uploads and definitions from millions of people.  "Crowd Sourced"

Some don't like it.  Here is a New Republic Article:  New Republic:  Urban Dictionary Horrifically Racist

But is the New Republic really progressive by current standards?

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The Guardian, certainly viewed as "Progressive" seems to like the Urban Dictionary:  Guardian on Urban Dictionary

In my view, the desire of the progressives to be with it and appeal to the young over-rides any qualms they might have.  Or do they have no qualms and see the future as social chaos of vicious youth competition embodied in "Urban Slang".

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