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How to change?


mawmawmaw123
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I'm 17 years old, female, currently on my 1st year of college here in the Philippines. Ok, this would be my first time admitting this, even to myself. I've been confused about my sexuality ever since i was 12? My first love was a girl, I think. Dunno, but I was attracted for some reason, and I thought of it as something not normal...and I don't want that. So I avoided her when we went to highschool (we were schoolmates) and the friendship faded. I didn't regret it though, coz I thought it was for the best, and I hate myself for seeing her more than a friend. Also, I've realized.. I have never been attracted to a guy strongly before. Sometimes I just say I like this ''guy'' as a front. Anyway, I intended to keep my sexuality as long as I can, and I'm not really bothered about it. Not until now... where I have fallen again... to a girl.

She's my bestfriend. We met last year, through an online game. We started to be close, till we got possessive with each other. We have same interests on almost everything, except sexuality and faith. She's a strong christian believer, while I'm... well, not that strong. Being a christian does require you to be straight, even if you're not... err.. but I'm quite sure she's straight. I'm not, and she doesn't know that. Anyway, I wanted to avoid, like I usually do. But then... she blackmails me with things like... ''You never really treasured me.'' or ''I'm quitting the game too, life won't be happy w/o u.''. Well, she all meant it as being a friend, we really have a strong bond. I tried to see her only as a friend, but I just can't. How should I overcome this? Is there any way to force yourself to be straight if you're not?

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Hi...

I just read thru ur post, and coming to terms with ur sexuality is a very hard thing to do believe me,

I am 36 now and i still find it hard to tell people im a lesbian, its not wot "society" accepts with open arms tho it is easier now than it was wen i was ur age, and then theres the family, and the fear of abadoment from them. I went thru high school thinking i cud change the way i felt about girls if i just went out and slept with boys/men, but believe me lookin back that was the most damaging action i cud of done. I feel tho at some point in our lives we all experience same sex crushes cos we can identify and get close to our good friends. I remember feeling very attracted to a teacher, i was confused was it hero worship or was it indeed a sexual attraction, but anyway going off abit here, altho its hard and never easy to come to terms with sexuality u be true to urself and do wotever makes YOU feel right in urself, tho a word of caution be careful wen u have these connections with other girls and ensure that the feelings cud be recipitated otherwise u cud hurt urself and damage the close relationship u have. just be cautious and if u feel there is a connection, try and talk to the girl about whether she finds men or woman attractive, u can do this in a very round about way its not easy but is possible.

I wish u happiness in the future, and if u ever want to talk ill listen

jo x

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi mawmawmaw123,

You are very young and, even though it feels like you have same sex urges, it does not mean that you are a lesbian. Perhaps you are and perhaps you are not. There is nothing wrong with it if you are. All I am saying is that it may be a little soon for you to know for sure.

In any case, have you thought about telling your friend how you feel? It is possible that she feels the same as you even though you do not think so. It is very difficult for young people to be honest about homosexual feelings for fear of being judged and rejected. And, so, she may be going through the same thing as you. I realize that it is taking a big risk to tell her your feelings but, even though you do not want to lose her friendship, perhaps it is a risk you must take.

Have you dated any boys as yet? In fact, have you had any sexual experiences with males or females? Gradually, it will be important experiences for you in order that you discover what your sexual orientation really is.

Allan :)

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Hi mawmawmaw123,

I am not a Lesbian, but sympathize with the way your feeling right now! I am like Allan, have no problems with Lesbian's. In fact, I know a few Lesbian's, & I'd rather be in the company of Lesbians than straight people. Not for the sexual feeling, like I said before, I'm straight!

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Hi mawmawmaw123,

I am not a Lesbian, but sympathize with the way your feeling right now! I am like Allan, have no problems with Lesbian's. In fact, I know a few Lesbian's, & I'd rather be in the company of Lesbians than straight people. Not for the sexual feeling, like I said before, I'm straight! But, just for their company in it's self!

I would suggest that you follow what your Heart tell you. You won't go wrong there. Also, if any, I probably go with Jo's advice. You are hearing it straight from the Horse's mouth then (excuse the expression Jo) She will be talking from experience!

Good Luck!

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