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Am I a Pedo?


Scareddd
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Okay, well first off, I am 14 years old and new to the community. "Hey Guys!"

About a week and a half ago, I was watching “To Catch a Predator.” In a point, there was a part where a police officer asked the man “Do you think that wanting to teach the child is the main source of this.” At that point, I was hit by a ton of bricks. Am I a pedo? I haven’t seen CP at my own will; I have once accidently on 4chan, and masturbated to it. I sometimes, and try not to, think of having sex with children when I masturbate, and it brings intense sexual feelings when i do. However, I don’t know if this actual pedophilia. From what I have done, it seems I am incredibly aroused by doing something I am not supposed to do.

Don't get me wrong, I still love girls my age, and older. I still masturbate to regular pornography. And I would like to get married someday, and possibly HAVE kids.

Anyways, after the episode I have recently sunk into spiraling depression. Everything is feeling like a dream, and I have had constant suicidal thoughts. I am not going to tell anyone I know about this.

Please Help!

What Am I?

Edited by Scareddd
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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Scaredd,

Let me welcome you to our community.

I think it very brave of you to ask this question and to contact us. Good job.

No, I do not think you are a sexual predator or pedophile. My heavens, you are a child yourself, please do not take offense at that. If anything, it is important that you protect yourself on the Internet. Pleas, please, do not communicate with individuals on the Internet, or make appointments with anyone, or give them your real name or address or contact them in any way. You are very young and you are the one who must be protected.

At age 14 and being a male there is nothing unusual about masturbating to all types of lurid sexual fantasies.

How do you feel about this answer, does it help, do you have other or more questions and what do other community members want to say?

Allan:)

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I am a young teen and have been going through a hard time for the last couple of years. I looked at porn on the internet and think i was addicted. I felt guilty, vulnerable, worthless. I have trouble thinking clearly and feel like things are being taken away in my head. I get jealous of other kids who do things better than me and can't get it out of my head. I do not feel like i am me and i should be able to do things better than I do. I am on meds and see a therapist and sometimes feel better, but my thoughts do not go away. Some days are good, but then when i have bad days, then i think the good days were fake. When I masturbate, it helps me to think but I have guilt and do not want it to control me. I am a fighter an try hard to get past all this and wonder when it will stop. I am wondering if the porn caused all this stuff going on in my head? I hope scarredd gets help so he can talk out his feelings.

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Dear Allan,

Thank you so much to responding to my post. It has helpped me alot in the troubled times I am having right now, and I don't like to talk about my feelings, so it makes it even harder. As for me "not being a predator", I hope your right. This is probably just something I'm going through now, and it will pass. I am still having depression with the "What If" statement, but it will end overtime, (I hope).

as to peaceonearth,

With pornography "making you feel depressed" It is possibly that you are just going through depression, like most teens do (and probably me also :mad:). I don't think, however, pornography has something to do with it. I started to look at porn when I was about 12. I also felt guilty, and dirty. It got even worse when I got caught. However, overtime, I began to learn that many people in their teens look at it. This has helpped me immensly, and I no longer feel remorse.

I am not saying pornography is good, I'm just saying that it is normal to be looking at it. Hope that helpped :)

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Guest ASchwartz

To both Scaredd and Peaceonearth,

I am pleased that you feel somewhat assured by what I said in my response, Scaredd. I want to add, for both you and Peace, that you find a way to get into psychotherapy or counseling. There are High School counselors and there is usually a school psychologist. The other option is to speak to your parents about feeling depressed and asking them to send you to a psychologist for therapy.

Allan :)

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Dear Allan,

First off, i laughed out loud when I read Paula's response to my comment :).

Anyways, I am feeling a lot better now. I read up a little more, including the stuff on this site (like the forums) and realized that I was just over reacting. Unlike some people, who "Need to have sex with children when they see them, and want to masturbate about them", I really don't want to do either. :D.

I'm back down to Earth, and have realized what I was even talking about. Having sex with children? Um....not acceptable. Ever.

That entire week kind of feels like a dream, and I don't remember much of it, just that i was really really depressed, my hands were constantly sweating, and I was thinking about killing myself. Mabye I was having a mental breakdown? I have no idea.

Anyways, I'm doing well now, thanks to you: Allan, and the other people who posted on this site. I'm glad this site exists, it gives people like me, who are going through a rough spot, to get answers.

Thank you very very VERY much :)

- Scareddd

Edited by Scareddd
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Guest ASchwartz

Scaredddd,

I am pleased we could be helpful. However, please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. Problems are not so easily solved and you are likely to re experience some or have new ones. I still think therapy would be a good idea. I hope you at least think about it.

Allan:)

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Hmmm. I'll think about having therapy. I currently talk to a girl at my school about stuff, and she does the same to me. we don't share anyone our probs, and so far it has been going well (She is my age). Its my "therapist" ;)

Anyways, I might go to a realy therapist, i am not quite sure yet.

Ill still stay on this site, and post things if something bad happens or whatever :)

-Scareddd

Edited by Scareddd
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My anxiety has come back. And I am having suicidal thoughts again. I think this was caused by reading something on this site. It said when you masturbate to the kids stuff, your heart begins to pump, and adrenaline pumps through you. This is what happened when I did. But, when I see kids in real life, I don’t have any urges. I even think some of them are cute (In a non sexual way). I keep second guessing myself on thinking I am a pedo.

WHATS GOING ON!?

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I think I am a pedophile

I recently masturbated. Everything was going okay, until I thought of a child (Not a specific child, even in fact the same body of a person I was thinking of [No Face]), but the thought of a child in general. I reached orgasm quickly, very quickly.

I still feel no need to have sex with children outside of my imagination. Did I reach climax quickly because it was wrong of me to be thinking of that stuff? Or am I a pedophile, the thing I have been fearing most of all, and I need to accept that. WHAT?!

I need help. fast.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Scareddd,

The only real way to determine if you have a problem is for you to see a psychologist. That would be good for a lot of reasons: 1. If you have those tendencies you can be helped now before anything happens. 2. If you do not have that problem it can help you reduce your anxiety and determine what issues you are really dealing with.

Allan

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Hi Scareddd,

The only real way to determine if you have a problem is for you to see a psychologist. That would be good for a lot of reasons: 1. If you have those tendencies you can be helped now before anything happens. 2. If you do not have that problem it can help you reduce your anxiety and determine what issues you are really dealing with.

Allan

Okay, I'll get around to doing that, I just hope my parents don't find out...

So how would they test me? ask me questions?

Again, thank you so much for this, it means alot :)

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Okay guys,

I brought up the courage.

I really did.

I couldn't take it anymore. The living hell I have been through for the past month has been the worst month I have ever had in my whole life, and probably will ever have.

It took me about 1 hour of back and fourth to finally tell my mom about this, about whats going on. It was really hard to do, and it was extremely emotional on my end; considering I never ever EVER like to show my emotions. I told her everything. About the TV show, about the CP i accidently found, and about the suicidal thoughts.

Anyways, suprisingly she wasn't shocked, which I thought she would be. She told me "It is normal, and it is not taboo to be thinking about that stuff."

Anyways, she said she is happy I said something, and she is going to get my a pscyologist.

I don't know how i feel right now. This whole conversation happend about 20 minutes ago. I'll tell you guys how things turn out.

Thanks.

-Scareddd

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Scareddd,

Wow, how great of you to take that huge step. It took courage and guts and I feel extremely proud of you. Just terrific. I always say that hiding things or keeping secrets makes things worse but bringing things out into the open is hugely relieving and healing.

Great, great, great.

Keep us updated.

Allan :)

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Woah, I feel SOOOOOOOO much better :)

My mom told my dad, and we had a "talk" :eek:

I feel alot better, and it is no longer on my mind, nor is it a "turn on"

It goes to show ya, if you talk to someone, alot of things get solved.

I'm still going to go to a psycologist, I just don't want it to happen again.

I'll keep ya posted

-Scareddd

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hey Guys. Well I have been to therapy a few times now, and I feel ALLLLOT better. I still feel things every now and then, but only in my mind and NEVER in the public and with other people.

Anyways, i think I'm in love with someone ( the girl who was my "therapist", ill get back to you on that.)

Speaking of which - you guys rock the block :D

But coming back to the fact. I think this started thinking of that stuff because I have never had a girlfriend, been intamite with a girl, or really made much physical or emotional contact with any girls. I got some self-conscience issues, and such and so-forth.

Anywho, get back to you on what happens

Edited by Scareddd
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Hi Scared

Hey Guys. Well I have been to therapy a few times now, and I feel ALLLLOT better. I still feel things every now and then, but only in my mind and NEVER in the public and with other people.

Anyways, i think I'm in love with someone ( the girl who was my "therapist", ill get back to you on that.)

Speaking of which - you guys rock the block

But coming back to the fact. I think this started thinking of that stuff because I have never had a girlfriend, been intamite with a girl, or really made much physical or emotional contact with any girls. I got some self-conscience issues, and such and so-forth.

Anywho, get back to you on what happens

You have made me very proud Scared! You go for it, you deserve it!

Hey, don't you forget us here you know! We will miss you! I know your not leaving us, but you won't be on as frequent!

Well I'll miss you anyway! No one to have a go at! But knowing me, it won't be long!

Take care!

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Scaredd,

It is really good that you feel better but you need to understand that this immediate feeling better is something that can happen very fast in therapy. However, do not be surprised if some of your bad feelings return. In other words, it is important that you be patient and give therapy time to really work. Therapy is life, it has its ups and downs. So, just know that you have lots of good work to do and that there will be bumps in the road.

Paula seems to think that you are leaving us. Is this true? My hope is that you will stay with us and continue to be a member here.

Allan

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I don't Allan. What I am saying is what is happening. Scared has met up with a girl so he explains that he could not be on the site for a while, being busy with this girl!

So I was clearly stating that he will be missed! I think its you that have got it wrong!

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  • 1 month later...

hey guys, well I'm back to have a little check up.

Alot of things have been happening in my life recentley, regarding to this "Pedo" stuff.

I have been going to a therapist recentley. I asked my parents to block sites that could potentially have CP such as 4chan and such. I don't want to be a pedo, and i am sure i won't be one.

I'm becoming alot more self aware of myself when i think. For instance, a few days ago my therapist told me that pedophiles want to see Child pornography and such, and don't want treatment. So after that i began to realize "o god, do I want CP?!? Do i think that child molestation is ok?! Am I a Pedo?!" and then i realized "Wait i minute, I am working myself up on the fact that I think I'm a Pedophile, even though I'm trying to trick myself into thinking I'm not." :)

I really believe this is a phase that will come to pass, I'm not attracted to kids in real life. Its kind of like how some people think their gay in the teenage years and realize they aren't.

I feel less and less depressed each day. I realized that I am working myself over, like when Doctors start medical school and start to believe they have a desease that they really don't have.

I got into an Art school for music, and I'm exited to head out soon, oh and I turned 15 a few days ago.

Thanks for the support, send me your responses :)

-Scaredd

(P.S: Thearapy Rocks.)

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Scaredd,

It sounds like you are making good use of your psychotherapy.

It also seems as though you really torture yourself with this stuff.

Anyway, continue to work hard in therapy and try to remind yourself that you are in therapy because you want to be and that is a good sign that you are NOT a pedo.

Allan :P

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