Guest Ilook@allthelonelypeople Posted December 18, 2009 Report Share Posted December 18, 2009 ...And one more hopelessly moronic one before I go get horizontal:What is invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit farts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted January 14, 2010 Report Share Posted January 14, 2010 You mean it's not Sammy the Invisible Carrot? :-( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
genesis Posted January 18, 2010 Report Share Posted January 18, 2010 *Giggle*... Ah-hem... *I have a firm grasp on reality, now I can strangle it.*That's enough to make a maggot gag. (Seriously, somebody says that -- often these days)*Life is what happens when we're busy making other plans - John Lennon (I think, not 100 percent sure)*Your plan B better be da** good 'cause my plan A got us into this mess.*You just keep on trying until you run out of cake. *I took the path less travelled, now I don't know where the he** I am.*Dyslexic Satan worshippers sell their souls to Santa.*Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSouls Posted January 19, 2010 Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 (edited) •"To each is to own."•"The motivations we buy into, some people can rationalize anything."•"Our expectations influence our perceptions, and we look for evidence that confirms our beliefs."•"The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook."•"Concern should drive us into action, not into a depression."•"Thinking is an experimental dealing with small quantities of energy, just as a general moves miniature figures over a map before setting his troops in action."•"The poor ego has a still harder time of it; it has to serve three harsh masters, and it has to do its best to reconcile the claims and demands of all three...The three tyrants are the external world, the superego, and the id."•"The ego is not master in its own house."•"One might compare the relation of the ego to the id with that between a rider and his horse. The horse provides the locomotor energy, and the rider has the prerogative of determining the goal and of guiding the movements of his powerful mount towards it. But all too often in the relations between the ego and the id we find a picture of the less ideal situation in which the rider is obliged to guide his horse in the direction in which it itself wants to go."•"Where id is, there shall ego be."•"No one who, like me, conjures up the most evil of those half-tamed demons that inhabit the human breast, and seeks to wrestle with them, can expect to come through the struggle unscathed."•"Self-belief does not necessarily ensure success, but self-disbelief assuredly spawns failure."•"By sticking it out through tough times, people emerge from adversity with a stronger sense of efficacy." •"Be willing to have it so. Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune."•"How to gain, how to keep, how to recover happiness is in fact for most men at all times the secret motive of all they do, and of all they are willing to endure."•"There is but one cause of human failure. And that is man's lack of faith in his true Self." •"We are all ready to be savage in some cause. The difference between a good man and a bad one is the choice of the cause."•"Truth in our ideas means their power to work."•"Truth happens to an idea." (1907)•"The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change."•"In my early professionals years I was asking the question: How can "I treat, or cure, or change this person? Now I would phrase the question in this way: How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for his own personal growth?" Edited January 19, 2010 by LostSouls Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timothy Posted January 20, 2010 Report Share Posted January 20, 2010 Dyslexic AgnosticThere is really a DOG? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
curtailed Posted February 6, 2010 Report Share Posted February 6, 2010 I think, therefore I am... I think Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluerose Posted February 6, 2010 Report Share Posted February 6, 2010 Demand less and understand more.Talk less and listen more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetliner Posted February 14, 2010 Report Share Posted February 14, 2010 (edited) .......... Edited November 1, 2010 by Jetliner .......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluerose Posted February 15, 2010 Report Share Posted February 15, 2010 Cultivate positive thinking, forgiveness, and an attutude of gratitude and the suffering will simply fade away. It's not what we are dealing with that causes us to suffer, it's how we deal with it. Pain is enevatable, suffering is optional. And when you let go of suffering the pain also fades away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samspruce Posted February 21, 2010 Report Share Posted February 21, 2010 It's the early worm that gets caught! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katleen Posted February 24, 2010 Report Share Posted February 24, 2010 "Life no malfunction." Johnny Five from "Short Circuit" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetliner Posted February 27, 2010 Report Share Posted February 27, 2010 (edited) .......... Edited November 1, 2010 by Jetliner .......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted March 12, 2010 Report Share Posted March 12, 2010 How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb??Just one...But, it's gotta want to change.....(Pretty dumb, huh)? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
confuzzed Posted March 12, 2010 Report Share Posted March 12, 2010 Raising children is like being pecked to death by a chicken.(no offense to anyone who loves chickens - or kids!!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThePetPerson Posted March 12, 2010 Report Share Posted March 12, 2010 How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb??Just one...But, it's gotta want to change.....(Pretty dumb, huh)? I love that! I actually laughed! It reminds me of the how many forum members does it change to take a lightbulb joke Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted March 21, 2010 Report Share Posted March 21, 2010 The best things in life, are'nt things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted March 21, 2010 Report Share Posted March 21, 2010 How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb??Just one...But, it's gotta want to change.....(Pretty dumb, huh)? Its not dumb, its funny,(well I think so) and for anyone thats interested, heres how the rest of the joke goes, (sorry not exactly a one liner - hey hum) Changing Light BulbsHow many therapists does it take to change a light bulb ?- None. The Light bulb will change itself when its ready.- Just one, but the light bulb reallly has to want to change.- One, but it takes 9 visits.How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb ?- "How long have you been having this fantasy ?"- "Why does the light bulb necessarily need to change ?"- One, but s/he must consult DSM-IV.How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb ?- "How many do you think it takes ?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetmom2 Posted March 21, 2010 Report Share Posted March 21, 2010 Hahaha ... Ouch i fell off my psych chair 8-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetliner Posted April 26, 2010 Report Share Posted April 26, 2010 (edited) .......... Edited November 1, 2010 by Jetliner .......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danni Posted April 26, 2010 Report Share Posted April 26, 2010 I before E except after C.... Weird huh???? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted April 26, 2010 Report Share Posted April 26, 2010 My question is, who's expecting a jet engine to swallow an ostrich in flight?Has someone been giving ostriches trampolines, again? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetliner Posted April 26, 2010 Report Share Posted April 26, 2010 (edited) .......... Edited November 1, 2010 by Jetliner .......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted April 26, 2010 Report Share Posted April 26, 2010 Well, I'm still picturing the look on the face of the ostrich ...though the pilot might be able to match it.I don't mind if I'm predictable precisely because you can count on me to say something unexpected. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DahliMOMMA Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 So, If you eat "Smarties" and "DumDums" at the same time... Do they cancel one another out?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted May 5, 2010 Report Share Posted May 5, 2010 Okay, this is the opposite of a one-liner, but I can point to any number of precedents in this thread, so:St. Peter, at the gate of Heaven, recently instituted a new way to evaluate which souls should be allowed in, and which should be sent to ... the other place. Each soul is given a bust of Carl Jung, and a choice of either paints or dyes, to color it in with. The ones who use paint get sent downstairs, and the dyers get in to Heaven.Moral: Only the good dye Jung. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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