Jump to content
Mental Support Community

Recent anxiety with T


Proverbs31:28
 Share

Recommended Posts

This is really just a vent but, as always, words of wisdom are appreciated.

I have only been seeing T every 2 weeks lately, instead of weekly, because insurance increased my co-pay on 1/1. Which is okay, I guess, except, I usually forget what we have discussed or what I agreed to work on and never know if there is real consistency. Plus, my moods and level of function fluctuate during those 2 weeks so sometimes by time I see her again I don't want to dredge up something that happened almost 2 weeks ago when I am feeling "fine" at the moment. So, then, I wonder if I am withholding something I should be discussing. Which, of course increases anxiety. So, I guess, having typed this out, I now realize that every two weeks is increasing my anxiety but its all I can afford right now.

Anyway, the real issue is separate. The last time I saw T professionally was a little over 2 weeks ago. At that time, she was running very behind (for reasons I still don't completely understand.) Well, timeliness is a huge issue for me and tardiness is a HUGE trigger for my anxiety. LOOOOONG story short: I finally got in 30 minutes after my appt time but, by then, I was a nervous basket case, shaking uncontrollably, heart palpitations and on the verge of tears. As soon as she asked if I was ok, the waterworks started, which set the stage for the rest of the session. It was not pretty is all I can say.

This past Wednesday should have been the next appt. I got to her office only to be told they had left a message for me that T was home with a sick child and would not be in. But, later that day, she called and told me she had a cancellation for Thursday if I wanted it. It took me off guard, I freaked a little and declined the appt, which I realize now was a mistake. My next appt is not until 3/11. But, T's son plays bball in the same league as my son so I will see her Saturday and again next Wednesday in that social venue.

I have been having lots of anxiety lately. Lots of it. I am worried how much worse it will get when I finally see her on 3/11. Plus, I am nervous about seeing her in a social setting just because my anxiety is so high right now I worry it will be obvious and the mere thought that someone knows I am anxious makes me more anxious if that makes sense. She will be cordial and say hello, as usual; there is no breech of confidentiality or anything like that. I have learned we have several mutual friends but, again, I do not fear a breech of confidentiality.

Oddly, I think this woman and I would be friends if we had met under different circumstances so I do trust her and value her input. Yet, I am wide awake agonizing over the fact that I will see her in 2 social situations before seeing her again professionally. Not sure why it bothers me so much but I think its a fear of being judged and knowing that I really don't remember anything we talked about at our last session other than how upset I was by her tardiness. I am wondering if I did or said anything in that last session that I shouldn't have.

Thank goodness, this is the last week of bball so soon this will no longer be an issue and I'll be back to worrying about the 2 week gap between appts. In the meantime, my thoughts are starting to race and I am sleepless again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Proverbs

I understand where your coming from! I went to see my T for the second time this week, & my Anxiety state is unbelievable! I end up sweating that bad that it looks like someone has got a wet through sponge and sqwoze it above my head, honestly!

My Heart is ponding that fast that I can hear it and think that others can? Then I end up getting all paranoid, thinking that she's looking at me all the time! Sooooo... Then, all I want to do is get out of there as fast as I can.

She ask me questions & I can't answer them, I want to answer them, but ... Feel like I'm drawing more attention to myself, which I know that I can do without!

One thing that she did say to me though, was... She said that I was making her job rather difficult, because I am bottling everything up and not talking about it to her!

I informed her in a calm & polite way that "If,(& thats a big "if") I decide to talk about my problems, I will talk when I want to talk, & not when she wants me to talk?" Didn't go down to well, as you can imagine!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest ASchwartz

Hi Paula,

I read about your experience with your therapist on another part of this web site. The comment the therapist made was, in my opinion, very unprofessional. Even though she was frustrated, she should have said nothing. Then, again, none of these people are perfect and she is there to try to help.

Allan

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Proverbs,

I would not like to run into my Therapist in different social occasions either:eek: Then have to meet with him in his office talking about personal stuff.. They are not our friends, and there needs to distance . However, running into them in places that our familes attend is just too much. Anxiety provking for certain! YES, therapists are human and have there own lives too, but, seeing them on the outside of therapy , and knowing they know about my personal stuff would send me straight to the car, and straight home, out of there way, LOL. I could not do it either. Luckily, my therapist lives hr in a half away. So it is safer. i would feel uncomfortable too. At least it will over for you, a week left, then things ought to become easier for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest ASchwartz

Hi Everyone:

Running into your therapist in a social situation or in the outside world is always a possibility regardless of how far away you live. That is why it is always important to discuss this with your therapist in the office. One of the things that should happen is that you and your therapist plan how to deal or not deal with it if you run into each other at some unexpected time. Some therapist purposely do not say "hello" in a social situation but run the risk that the patient will feel offended. Others will greet their patient and the patient's family, causing all kinds of embarassemnt. That is why it is good to have a plan after the whole thing is discussed and understood. That plan can be for the therapist to greet or not to greet, either way, according to your preference.

What do you think?

Allan

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Allan, I agree 100%. Actually, this is a discussion my T and I had early on when we realized our kids go to the same school. She asked me how I would prefer she handle it if we ran into each other- say hello, ignore me, strike up a conversation, etc. And, we discussed how she might introduce me or I might introduce her should other acquaintances be around. We agreed it would be okay to say "hello" and introduce one another as a "friend" if anyone else was around. I think having this discussion up front prevents any awkward discussions.

I do not mind seeing T in a social setting as a general rule, actually. Like I said, she and I seem to have a lot in common and would probably be friends were it not for the situation which caused our paths to cross! But, last week my anxiety was already running high and, having not seen her professionally, I was concerned that I would have signs of anxiety written all over my face when I saw her in a social setting. As is often the case, the issue was moot because her child was still ill and they did not come to the game Saturday.

Its funny because my SS teacher is a college friend and is also a SW. She is the one who referred me to T, actually. Anyway, I often get the same anxiety around my friend because, when my anxiety is high, I feel like she can tell since she is a trained professional. So, all the work I put into hiding it from everybody seems pointless when she is around.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...