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Thank you!


Almost
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Thank you for pushing me even further into the dirt and confirming once more that I don't exist by denying me even a friendly word. Not even a bloody word I received, except from a guy that with his question clearly proved that he hadn't even read my entry... Concentrate all your comprehension and the nbenevolence on the pPOROFESSIONAL SUFFERERS (like drug addicts, or sexual, ethnic and religious minorities, or criminals who are considerd victim of the society and never responsible), people like me are only bi-carachters of some comedy, whose only existanbce is to amuse others with their failures. If a meteor with hit Earth and wipe the infection called humanity from the surface of the planet, my only regret will be for the animals. They don't bear any responsability...

Edited by Almost
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At least I have learned a new concept: some people have the right to suffer, other people not. I have always thought that i communicate almsot telepathcally a sense of disgust and indifference, and you gave me a further comfirmation of that. On Friday i was a hairbreadth from doing something really stupid.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Almost,

I have no idea what you are referring to as what you are saying bears no connection to anything in this forum. If you truly want responses to you it is important that you follow through in the original forum. I will search for where this is coming from but it really makes no sense. In a way, you are creating your own reasons for feeling no responded to. Why post this comment here when you are clealy talking to people in a different forum?

Allan:confused:

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Hello

Almost what?

Today is the first time in about 2 months that I have had a chance to log in here, I arrived at your comment. I don't believe in chance, I was meant to tell you something. I need to know what it is you seek an answer for.... Please, I am not myself if I am not helping others. Help me be me.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I wrote my last message in a terrible bout of depression, such as i hadn't have for long time. I was referring to the lack of help and feedback in my thread on Sexual Issues. Anyway, by then i have increased the dose of antidepressants (Paroxetin and Fluoxetin) and started a computerised cognitive therapy, and I feel much better now. However, I realised I almost start feeling guilty because of that.

When I was little I received a kind of religious education where I was taught that HAPPYNESS IS A SIN, AN ACT OF EGOISM AND AN OFFENCE TOWARDS THOSE WHO SUFFER! THAT PEOPLE WHO ARE HAPPY, STRONG AND SELF-CONFIDENT ARE BAD! I spent years of my teenage time inflicting small self-punishments almost daily. Even if psychotherapy and especially SSRIs have helped me overcome most of my OCD, I think this attitude still lingers somewhat in my head: if things go well and you feel happy you are bad, sinful and will be punished by God. So today I had a kind of realisation: that maybe my depressions and sufferings are at least in part a defence mechanism against this terrible guilt complex that i developed when i was a child.

Please don't mind grammar, spelling punctuation errors, because I feel to write in a frenzy, like opening the gates of hell or squeezing the pus from an infected wound. No time to check for spell mistakes, I want to get free from this weight. perhaps writing here will help, what you think? It doesn't help however that after a short time one is automatically logged out, and has to rewrite everything from the beginning. Ok, I don't want to start complaining again. I hope however to receive some positive feedback.

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Hi Almost, I wondered what happened to you. If you highlight and save everything when posting a long post it won't be lost. Another option is to write it in a word document then copy and past. Hope that helps.

Glad you are feeling better and that you found some things that are helping you. I'm sure others can relate to your struggles too.:P

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Hi Almost,

I don't go to the sexuality threads. Sorry that your going through such a difficult time right now. What you have written about past religious beliefs , to me is quite twisted, in my opinion. Most people strive to be happy and provide happines to their families and children's lives.

I hope the medication is helping you and your in therapy as too. This community is a good support system, however, sometimes it is hard to offer feedback when it is something that nobody can relate to. Try not to take it personally.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Almost, Sadstar and All,

Trust me, happiness is NOT A SIN. Sorry that you did not get more responses on the sexuality forum. I do not know why that is except, perhaps, for more guilt and "sin" on the part of those who may fear responding.

Can you tell us more about the cognitive therapy computer program you have? I am very curious.

Sadstar, none of us have "the answers." All we can do is support and sometimes advise and that is all. Your involvement is good, please keep writing and responding.

Allan

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I was taught that HAPPYNESS IS A SIN

Almost,

I bet someone unhappy taught you that. Probably in order to make themselves feel better.

It's not true. Happiness is a right. Why would a god want you unhappy? How would he expect you to appreciate what he has given you?

I'm sorry you felt slighted, before. I hope you can continue to discuss what's ailing you with us, here.

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I would like to discuss what the sexuality issues were... I am really glad you came back again... I can relate in a small way, I was raised almost completely without affection or emotion, my mother never hugged me, said she loved me and even now today does not speak of emotional things. This started with my grandmother, if she was upset (like when my aunt (her daughter) died from cancer) she would run & hide in the bathroom and not come out until she had herself "together". This made me feel growing up that you shouldn't show emotions. My ex-mother-in-law even commented on how when she hugged me that I would get stiff, I didn't even realize it until she said it.... When the darkness creeps into my mind, I have to make myself turn on a light... just like when the alarm goes off and you are sleeping so soundly that it is such an effort to get up... so is the struggle to make yourself stop and think of something good. A good positive affirmation can do wonders.... Sometimes in the morning while I'm taking a shower and I am dreading the day and want to crawl back in bed I say out loud "today is a day that the lord made", that reminds me that I am here for a purpose, and I must go forward seeking what the purpose may be for today... then it becomes a mystery or about discovery...

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Thank you - withut irony now. I see a lot of people is responding on this thread, perhaps most people just avoid the sexuality section...:confused:

By the way, the training program of cogn. therapy is called MoodGym and has been made by an Aussie university. Here is the link:

http://www.moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

I have to think and gather my thoughts before writing more. Hear u soon hopefully!

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