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Not sure Where this needs to be.


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Y'all usually know my post go to self injury. I'm not sure if this is where this needs to be or not. I have never said these things out loud or wrote them before. I live and work in the very small town my husband grew up in,I have never talked to anyone here about this.The chances of it getting back to him and ruining him are huge, I feel totally alone. With that said, here we go.

I've been married 17 yrs to the love of my life, I'm committed till the end, or at least I thought so, I don't know what I think anymore. He's changed or I have or both, I don't know. I know I'm not an easy person to live with, neither is he but sometimes especially here lately, I don't feel what I get in return is justified. Oh God I have never shared this before, he yells a lot, puts me down all the time or at least that is what I call it. Sometimes he throws things,that is enough for now, I'm still not sure I should even post this now. If he ever sees this he'd be so pissed... The sick twisted part of me, I don't think I could ever leave, I know I can't. I love him with all my heart, yet he breaks my heart into a million pieces and he just doesn't see it.

He is sick and I know that is so frustrating, he is not able to work,I never have said a derogatory word about anything, It's my fault I should keep my mouth shut and do as I should. But I Feel like I'm going to explode if I don't tell some one. I don't know what to do anymore, this kind of thing happens more a lot more than it use to. I try so hard not to irritate him, even though it seems everything I do or say does, then it makes it worse if I choose to not say anything. I don't know fix this or if it can be fixed.

Maybe he is right, maybe it is me. I just had to tell some one, I'm sorry y'all.


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I could go into a lot of detail.... but I won't ... Just know that you are not alone. and NO IT IS NOT your fault. IT IS NOT YOU. What I have found to be true for me is that if my husband does not feel good about himself he will do or say things to make me feel bad. Because by doing that it makes him feel better.That is manipulation.


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