lilsunny Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 Hey it is me, I have been on my meds faithfully, I even went back to work and got good reviews. So I thought things were looking better. Then I was called in, a week after a positive review, and was told I was being let go due to the fact they thought I was not handling my job. Yes, that day set me in a bad place, my family kept me busy and made sure I took my meds and took care of myself. It has been over a week, I went to therapy and the therapist I have has agreed to continue to see me even though I now have no insurance. I live on the edge of being very anxious to crying. I have had several thoughts of just ending it all because I just feel worthless and not being able to support my family. The thoughts seem to be more frequent now, I know it is just because I am only a month away from not being able to make my payments or being able to take care of my children who deserve much better than I. I can not turn to the hospital, I cant afford to pay, so you see I can feel the darkness around me, it can be very suffercating at times. I am affraid this time because it feels worse and stronger than any of the other times. I need help that I know... just do not know where to turn now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 Hi lilsunny,You report that you returned to work and got good reviews only to be terminated for poor performance. I have seen this before. Try not to take it personally. In fact, you could have an opportunity to fight back and receive a nice severance package. Her is why. Workers have rights and, if you have received good reviews and are suddenly terminated, you can take that to an attorney or to the Federal government, for violating your rights. you are supposed to receive guidance from your superiors about your performance. People cannot be fired for arbitrary reasons. The fact that it happens is due mostly to people just giving up. Now, it is up to you but, in my experience as a therapist, fighting back feels a lot better than depression.As for your suicidal thoughts, think this way instead: Why want to kill yourself just because they said to go away. Why give them what they want? Besides, with all the cutbacks now, how do you know this did not have to do with the economy?What are your thoughts and what do others think??Allan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilsunny Posted June 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 Thank you for your advice. I am trying to fight back and the kind of job that I do I am fighting for my license to work in the field I love. I have learned that I do have several people who do believe in me and are standing by my side. I have found help with my meds and there have been some changes and that to has been helping. I have been seeing my therapist and I have signed several agreements not to cause harm. It is still hard at times, and I still get anxious about the everyday life. I have never been a quiter and I am working to keep the darkness at bay. The days when I a feel it trying to overwhelm me, I get up and take my lab for a walk and just forget the problem that is causing the anxiety to build up in me. I do not know if that is a good idea, but at the time I feel better. I do know that the problem is still there. I just am getting tired of having to fight it seems to keep these feelings at bay. I am still trying though, so it must mean that my spirit is still there somewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finding my way Posted June 6, 2009 Report Share Posted June 6, 2009 Thanks for letting us know how you are, lilsunny . Those walks with your dog will help lots. I like to hike the hills. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilsunny Posted September 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2009 This has been a crappy year at best. Which has now turned into just the worst year yet. I lost my husband of 4 years 2 weeks ago. He was my strength, my best friend, my soul mate. Now he is gone due to a heart attack at work. I am blaming myself because I feel that I just added to much stress for him to handle. I do not understand why. The Lord has taken away so much from me and now this. How much more does he think I can handle? I AM TIRED OF HURTING, PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustTrying Posted September 1, 2009 Report Share Posted September 1, 2009 I am so sorry for your loss... Pleas try not to blame yourself.... You are in my thoughts and prayers.JT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smallstar Posted September 1, 2009 Report Share Posted September 1, 2009 lilsunny, I am so sorry for your pain and your loss. I hope you get some relief from your suffering. I agree with justtrying, please try not to blame this on yourself, it's not your fault. My thoughts are with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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