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addicted to pain pills


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  • 3 weeks later...

Breaking addictions is tough stuff. Especially when you have constant access to the drugs. Two years ago I became a heavy cocaine user. It was only for about three months, but it was enough to get me addicted. I tried to quit on my own several times but was unable to. What helped me quit more than anything was that my dealer got arrested. When he was arrested, my source dried up. I easily could have found more, but I forced myself not to. Also, after my dealer got arrested, my best friend and partner in crime checked herself into a rehab clinic for her coke problem. With the easy access gone and my friend gone, I was able to break the habit. I'm not gonna lie, it was AWFUL. But that was what worked for me.

I ended up relapsing a year later, and it was much harder to break it the second time. I lived in an apartment with my roommate and her BF. Her BF's best buddy would hang out at our place all the time and every time he would come over, he always brought some coke with him (he was an addict himself). If I ever needed any I could just hop in the car with him and go get what I needed. Again, it was just so easy to get, it fueled my addiction. When that semester ended, my roommate, her BF, and his buddy all left town. I moved into a one bedroom apartment by myself and made it a 'no blo' zone. The only way that I was able to quit was by physically removing myself from that old apartment and losing contact with my guy.

Removing yourself from situations where you have easy access to the drugs is the best thing you can do for yourself. No longer associating with the people who get you the drugs is another thing to do. Do not be afraid to tell them why you can't associate with them. If they are good friends, they'll understand.

There is nothing more important than having someone who you can go to when it gets really bad. For me it was my boyfriend. When the withdraws were really bad, he would just hold me until it was all over, no matter how long it lasted. It doesn't matter who it is, but they are important. I hope you have someone like that; and if you don't yet, I hope that you find them.

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Hi smallstar,

I agree with unique1me , cutting off the source is critical to dealing with addiction. Although I wouldn't recommend getting your dealer arrested, just cause where I come from it WILL get you killed. But throwing out and deleting his/hers contact info is a start. But being an addict myself, I'm sure you have all that memorized. So it does take self-control. Just making it clear to your dealer that you are clean and don't want any contact with him/her anymore could help. I had to take more serious measures (as stated in my other post). Hopefully you don't.

As for the addiction itself, it is not an easy thing to break. There are a lot of factors at play in addiction. There's your bodies dependancy to the drug. The mental addiction, which is the reason you feel you need it. And, the commonly overlooked, routine of addiction. These are the things you have to first accept as a reality (not to say you haven't) before your ready to quit.

The next step to recovery is understanding why your addicted. You stated that depression is the main reason you turn back to drugs. This is your mental addiction, which is the hardest to break. Realizing that depression is your reason to use, is a BIG step. I'm very happy to hear you've come that far already :rolleyes:. The next big step, is to understand why you're depressed. I don't recommend tackling this alone. Therapy or group sessions are great for this. But if your like me and these things make you uncomfortable, just having somebody you feel safe to talk to, like a family member or a close friend can make a huge impact. Mental addiction is usually much stronger than the physical. So tackling it is not an overnight task. I'm still overcoming my own mental addiction. But facing it head-on is necessary to prevent relapse after and while you quit.

The physical addiction varies from drug to drug. I recommend doing research into the withdrawal symptoms of the drugs you're using and be prepared for them. I strongly recommend having somebody stay with you during your withdrawl period. Everyday tasks can be difficult during withdrawl and having someone there to talk to and comfort you is, in my opinion, necessary. The physical addiction is the first thing to go, just keep reminding yourself that once its over, its over.

The routine of addiction is something most people don't think about. But if it's not broken, it can commonly lead to relapse. A good example is a smoker. Every two hours or so most smokers go outside. A smoker of half-a-pack a day, will lift his hand from his side to his face about 180 times a day. Things like these don't seem like much, but your mind and body have become used to these repetitive movements. That's why some smokers, when they start carving a cigarette, will hold something in their hand like a cigarette or bring their hand to their face repeatedly. I knew one person addicted to pain medication, who started eating tic-tacs when he quit. Small things like this can be more important than it sounds. Finding something constructive to do in replace of your own routine will help.

I just want to add I'm NOT a professional and everything I just said I say based on my own experience overcoming addiction, and my experience helping friends overcome addiction. I strongly recommend getting to see a drug/addiction counsellor and trying a support group, or even checking in to a rehab centre. However you choose to tackle it, I hope you the best and feel free to message me if you have any questions or need some support. I think I'm gonna stick around here for a while. :)

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Hi smallstar, I am not sure if I already suggested this, but some cities have community walk-in clinics where people can receive counseling. If your community features such walk-in clinics, you can walk in for information about support groups, rehab centers, and other services provided by the community or the government to help you deal with your situation. Also, some regions provide a 211 phone directory service that people can call to get information relevant to their circumstances. People can call about anything, teenage pregnancy, domestic abuse, drug abuse, and so on. The people on the other end should then be able to give you some information about community, social, and government services available.

As always, your thoughts are welcome here.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Smallstar,

I am not certain what you mean by "pain pills." If they are what I am thinking of then they are pills like Vicodin and Oxycontin they are highly addictive. You see, they are artificial Heroin and even more addictive. That does not mean that you have to stay addicted but it does mean that you need help. There are several options open to you:

1. Go into an inpatient detox program. Your insurance might pay for it. There, they will help you was the addiction out of your system but in ways that are safe and with minimal discomfort. It usually takes about four days. Then, they will refer you to an outpatient program and you can return to work.

2. Find an outpatient program now and begin the process. That will depend on your will power. You can also attend either AA or NA meetings.

3. Detox your self. You must do this slowly and gradually in order to minimize the craving for the drug and that can be very uncomfortable and difficult.

Your medical doctor or a medical doctor who works with these types of addictions could help.

I recommend going inpatient.

What do you think??

Allan

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Hi Smallstar-

I think you already know the answer to this one. A big part of your addiction, and anyone elses, is isolation. You have cut yourself off from everyone in pursuit of escaping through drugs. Plus, how has "will power" worked for you in the 100's of times you have tried it so far?

If you really want to stop the insanity, your best bet is to come clean to the people in your life and get help for yourself in overcoming your addiction.

I will never forget how really good it felt to finally be transparent to everyone in my life. The secrets, the deception, etc were horribly, horribly isolating for me when I was active in my addiction. In the short run honesty hurts, but in the long run, it is the only way to any kind of a decent life.

Catmom

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Smallstar,

You know something Smallstar? Being honest with your family really has to do with being honest with youself. At the moment, you are in denial. You believe you can beat this thing alone. No one can even if they tell you otherwise. Get the help you need and tell your family, face this addiction by being honest with yourself and get the help you need, either inpatient or out patient.

Allan

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think you are in denial about needing help for this. That is the nature of addiction. That is, addiction is the using of a substance to try to meet needs that are truly met through other people.

For example, I have used my addictions in the past to deal with loneliness. That way I wouldn't have to reach out to anyone but could still feel emotionally comfortable, at least temporarily. See how self-perpetuating that was for me? If I never reached out to anyone, it would increase the likelihood that I would experience loneliness in the future because I hadn't built any relationships. Then I would use or gamble again, keeping the cycle going.

Bottom line: you need people, especially to kick your habit. However, I think for now that you want to take what seems to be the "safe" route & continue using rather than risk honesty with others. This will lead to further problems, but maybe that is what you need to have happen to get you to do what you know is right.

Catmom

Edited by Catmom
typo
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Hi catmom, I am kind of hesitant to reply because after reading the last responses from you and Allan I feel like anything I say will be taken as a lie, or that of a person in denial and is therefore meaningless. I truly am not in denial, I am well aware at this point that I have a problem I can't fix myself. Maybe I was looking for an easier out but I can read and comprehend, it has been made pretty clear to me that I can not do this on my own. It just scares me, that's all. I am honestly not trying to deny anything. I have read and thought about every response that was given to me on this subject. What helped me the most was when you helped me realize that I need to be honest and take care of this. I often think of it and I know it's the only way for me to get the help I need. I just don't know how I let this happen to me. I honestly hate myself for it, this is not the kind of person I am. I get very angry with myself and would give anything to go back and never have gotten involved. I'm well aware that that is not a possibility and that now my only option is to move forward. I believe I will get there. I don't use these pills as an alternative to people, actually for me it's quite the opposite. They help me so much to interact with other people, free me a little bit from the anxiety I feel when interacting with other people. Without them I am just me, afraid to talk, to participate, just completely shut down. I know it sounds like an excuse, but I also know it's not right and needs to stop. Thank you for your time catmom and your thoughts, you have been very helpful to me and please don't think I don't get it cause I do. If there was any doubt before, believe me it's gone, I got the message loud and clear. I just don't believe that my being afraid is the same thing as denial.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Smallstar,

Oh, I understand what you are saying and I do NOT think that you are lying, not at all. This is painful to deal with and I understand the fear. I have been working in this area for years and have lots of experience, some in my own family, so, I know. Please do not be fearful of saying anything here. We do not want you to feel that way and that was not my or anyone else's intent. Sometimes we are too eager to help and forget that we need to be more gentle. I know that can be true of me from time to time.

Allan :D

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Smallstar-

I have personal understanding of the fear you experience but as you said, your only option now is to go forward. You will find , I believe, that once you get some clean time under your belt, that recovery isn't nearly as tough as you fear it will be.

You say that you take drugs in order to connect with others. Do you not see that when you a altered by a drug that no true connection is happening? In fact, you are as isolated in a crowd as I might be at home with no one in my house but me.

One way the addiction perpetuates itself is when you tell yourself--"oh, I am not like that addict, I am different." In AA, this is termed "terminal uniqueness" where the alcoholic or addict thinks his/her case is different, not as bad, worse, etc than others. Addiction is a disease of isolation and that is why coming clean to your family or closest friends is the only way to recovery, in my opinion.

Best wishes,

Catmom

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yeah,you're right. I'm isolated, maybe I don't know what isolated means? I really do try when I read peoples posts, to make sense of it, to ask myself, does that make sense to me, and try to understand what people are telling me, sometimes I am really surprised, people make a lot of sense, makes me wonder how I didn't realize certain things on my own. But, for the most part I understand what you have shared with me. I'm not sure if I agree though, that as you seem to have said, that every addict is the same. Whether or not that's what you meant, that's what I got from it. But I guess that's all besides the point anyway. I need to do things in my time, so I guess I will have to wait. Right now I am just scared, and very angry with myself, and yeah I know you have told me what I need to do, and for the most part I understand, at the moment though I am too tired to care. What I can't stand the most is how one day I'll be so optomistic about everything, believing I have the ability to change, and the next day I am so upset that I think I don't care. I know that I actually do care but days like today it's difficult to see. I don't know, I am just very tired, but I do have hope, I don't know what tomorrow will bring, when I feel like I do now, it's hard for me to believe that it's possible that I can feel better tomorrow. I know that it is possible cause it happens all the time. But what I wonder is if it's that days like this I just see things more clearly, and that's why I am so sad, and days when I feel better I'm just ignoring what's right there staring me in the face. I don't want to ignore things but I also don't want to feel like this, but maybe I'm wrong about all of that and tomorrow I'll wonder what the heck I was talking about today. I need this feeling in my chest to go away, at least.

Edited by smallstar
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yeah,you're right. I'm isolated, maybe I don't know what isolated means? .

Well, I sure know what isolation means to me. Sometimes I'll just stay here. Hanging out by myself, just cus I feel down and can't relate to anyone here in my town. And so I just sit here and smoke a cigarette. Even though I hate smoking and it's a vicious circle. Argh.

Sometimes I'm like ok, today is quitting time! I get all excited, and then something slightly stressful comes along and I feel the pang and then buy a pack of cigs. Which I know doesn't even relieve anything in the long run. Just for 1 hour it does and then I feel like crap again.

When I quit the last time, long ago, it seemed like I had so much strength. I can't wait to quit! And when I will, I know I will be like jeeez, why did I wait so long?

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hey, yeah, you know quitting smoking is hard, especially when something happens, cause the urge to go smoke a cigarette is just so automatic, like the first thing that pops into your head, I need a cigarette. It stinks. Maybe you can get medicine from your dr for it? I did, and it really helped me, I'm pretty much quit. Sometimes I don't have any, some days I have one. Last weekend I bought a pack and I was so mad at myself for it, but I haven't bought them since, so we'll see.

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