Writing to psychologist/therapist, is it appropriate?

[malign]

I'm sure no one would say to "just get over it". That trivializes just how hard this clearly is for you. How about, we're telling you that you may have to work through it, despite your own resistance? At least, if you want to change anything.

Everyone has had to do things that seemed hard or even impossible, before they did them. Nothing worth having is easy to get. It's worse with anxiety, which magnifies the real difficulty into something monstrous. But yeah, no magic wands here, otherwise I would've used mine on you long ago. I hate to see you suffer.

But I don't get to choose. All the choices are yours. I'm still betting on you.

[smallstar]

thanks, I am going to try and bet on me too. I think I will figure something out, even if I go about it different than others might, I can usually find a solution if I try hard enough. There, something good for a change!

[JulianP]

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Edited February 3, 2010 by JulianP
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[smallstar]

Hi Julian, please don't apologize to me, you are very nice to me, I just took what I wanted from what you wrote, no where did you write the words "get over it", that came from my head.

Fun, adventure, love, fulfillment? What is that? I'm only kidding, but it is funny how foreign those ideas seem to me. I would love to have that kind of life, a complete life. I know some people who seem to have these perfect lives, perfectly balanced, seemingly effortless. I feel so far from there, and I am getting too old, making too many mistakes, that that kind of life seems to be getting more out of reach.

I hate when I make it seem I didn't appreciate the time someone took to respond to me, I have a way of always responding in the wrong way, so I'm sorry if you felt bad, I was and am very grateful for your responses.

[JulianP]

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Edited February 3, 2010 by JulianP
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[smallstar]

So here's my thing with letting go. I think I can let go to a certain extent, but I need to be very prepared. If I can fully now what to expect than I could try and make a plan. But if I am not able to prepare, because I don't know how to prepare, other than writing something, but I can't see me just handing the dr something I've written. In fact I can see the face he would make in my head, it looks a little something like confusion and "okay, anyway", and than it would just be awkward, and would only get worse when it comes time for me to speak and I am completely inappropriate, once I stumble on a word, that will be it. When I had asked whether or not it was appropriate to write to a therapist, I meant prior to making an appointment, that way I would be able to explain myself before meeting the dr and that would make it easier on me. But then again, that may freak me out, knowing that I had submitted a letter full of my personal thoughts and concerns to this dr, and now I have to meet him. Doesn't matter now though, because I didn't do it, I just sent a very brief email. But as far as letting go, I understand the point, but I think for me that's just a lot to let go of, I've been this way for a very long time, if anything, I think it might get more difficult to let go as more time passes. Do you think it's ever possible that there are just some people who can't let go, even if they want to? Because I really want to, and I keep thinking about all different ways this could play out, and knowing myself and how I react, it never ends well in my head. I try to think, what is the worst thing that can happen if you do go? The worst that can happen is I am completely uncomfortable, make a fool of myself and wind up just hating myself worse than I already do. I just can't see a different possible ending, knowing myself, and to me that's a pretty bad result as to what can happen if I go, so I don't believe I am being irrational or unrealistic about this. I am trying to be honest with myself.

[confuzzed]

Hey smallstar,

you can do it! :)just think positive thoughts. I know that sounds hard, but until you start doing that things aren't going to change.

Don't worry about being uncomfortable, "making a fool out of" yourself, all that. The therapist is there to HELP you. They are not going to do things to make you uncomfortable. I was VERY talking about myself and stumbled with talking when I first started going. The therapist was very kind and patient and helped me learn to talk about things. I think you may find thats the case for you.

Just tell yourself "this is a good thing. I can do this. It's going to be OK."

You can do it!!!!

[smallstar]

I hope you're right confuzzed, that the therapist makes me comfortable and helps me learn how to talk about things. Unfortunately however, my brain won't allow me to think positive thoughts, if I do, it always get overridden with a shutup. Thanks for your encouragement.

[confuzzed]

Hey smallstar,

I do that too, but I argue with myself about it....

Me, myself and I sometimes have a pretty lively conversation, but we always try to end up playing nice!

You should give it a try though.

Hang in there!!

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Smallstar,

It makes more sense to write notes for your therapist after you feel more comfortable with that person. I agree with you. I would not want to submit all types of personal stuff to someone I have not yet met.

However, what you can do at the first few sessions is come in with a list of things you want to discuss and keep that in front of you and refer to it during the sessions and as you need to.

What do you think??

Allan:)

[smallstar]

I think that I am too self conscious and I can't do it. I don't know what to do anymore, I need to make myself do something. Maybe if I actually get an appointment than I will have more pressure on me than I will have to figure something out. I had an appointment, but I decided I didn't want to keep it, I didn't think I would like the dr I had chose. Now I emailed someone different, but they haven't answered. Who would of known it would be so hard just to find a dr. But I don't trust myself, I will let the afraid part win and I don't know what will happen to me.

[confuzzed]

hey smallstar,

you can do this! it's hard, yes, but it will be a good experience!

just do like I do - argue with yourself and make the negative ones "sit down and be quiet". Argue out loud if you want. when I get really negative I do that. (mostly in private so people only continue to think i'm crazy rather than having it confirmed.... )

[Guest ASchwartz]

Smallstar,

Clearly, you are extremely nervous about meeting someone new. I would urge you to speak to the therapist on the telephone before making the appointment. Most of us are nervous meeting for the first time. One famous therapist said many years ago that when someone begins therapy both the therapist and the new patient are nervous. Its two nervous people in the office. It's just that the therapist is a little less nervous than the new patient.

A phone call may help reduce your anxiety (reduce, not eliminate). I would not want to see someone after only E. Mail contact. I always want to speak to the person first, whether I am the therapist or the patient.

What do you think?

Allan

[karai]

Hey Smallstar,

I think all this nervousness comes from not knowing what is going to happen or who the T is--the fear of the unknown. I know I was ready to run before my first appt. but now, because I know who my T is and what to kind of expect in session, that helps take a lot of the anxiety out of going to therapy (of course now you only have to deal w/ the anxiety of talking about the things that make you anxious, which is a good thing!). Give it a try; if it ends up you don't like your T, then run! Good luck!

[smallstar]

Yeah Karai, that's definitely part of it, but not the worse part, fear of the unknown I think I could tolerate, it's fear of what I do know that is holding me back. I was actually thinking about it last night, I can't believe it took until last night to realize that it's actually worse than I had already been thinking, but I just need to think.

[karai]

Hi Smallstar,

I'm sorry, but I didn't mean to make your problem of going to T seem so simple. I just meant that fear of the unknown could be a possibility to consider. I hope you can figure this thing out that is keeping you from going to T. and that you find the answer that you need to get you to go. Good luck and take care.