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"Getting the Love You Want"


FlowFreak
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What happens if you can't get the love you want in "Imago therapy" according to Harville Hendrix, when you are in so much pain and that's exactly what's needed/wanted for healing? What's a person in such a situation supposed to fucking do?:mad::):confused:

Edited by FlowFreak
Apologies for anyone offended by my offensive language/feelings
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Prov, I didn't have an original post because I haven't been posting nor commenting that much, so there's nothing missed.

And yes Malign it does hurt too much.

The basis is we all have a ruptured childhood, and we have attracted, chosen the partner, which is supposed to repair the rupture in our childhood, but during the "romantic love" there is no power struggles, and everything is like it's supposed to be to form the "attachment."

Later "romantic love" changes and power struggles emerge. We are supposed to love in our partner what we don't and this is "mature love." And through "Imago dialogue" the old brain is re-worked and the rupture in childhood is healed in our relationship.

For me it opens severe childhood wounds and re-creates almost exactly the same scenarios from childhood, and yet again I'm alone with it.

I'm supposed to receive healing from my relationship, but that doesn't happen either for me or him.

To be able to move through this is to move into lasting "mature love."

Since I am unable to get the love I want, I now could care less if I do or not. I don't want it.

I have also had thoughts of I'm unlovable because I can't get what's needed, so therefore I will never be mature in love, and will not seek greener pastures on the other side because the same thing will happen in another relationship.

If my own _______didn't love me why would I think anyone else would. Seems to have come true.

Also to be able to repair the rupture there has to be a climate of safety. I don't have that either.

So I will never be healed. I feel stuck and I don't intentionally bury, but a lot becomes buried/bottled up, and it's not easy to find it again, so I am lost to others while trying to find myself.

I don't know how to explain. If you have time just do a search for Harville Hendrix and/or his book "Getting the Love You Want." He explains it better than I do.

I've been "in bed" all day, which is really the recliner wrapped tightly in blankets. I still have my pj's on, and it's 4:15, and I think a shower needs me.

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Honey, you’re a survivor. No shame in that. Your daddy hurt you something fierce. Life hurt you. Lies are one of the easiest places for survivors to run. They give you a sense of safety, a place where you have to depend only on yourself…Lies are a little fortress; inside them you can feel safe and powerful. ~ The Shack page 189

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I don't want any comments, and I don't come out here much anyway, so...just delete make it disappear fucking hurts too much GET IT OFF AND DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't want to talk about it anymore either

Edited by FlowFreak
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I do not understand the Therapy you are talking about. And from your description... I think you need a diffrent therapy.

AND YES!!!! I KNOW you said no posts and you don't want to talk about it anymore... well.. i don't listen well....

I may not can help you. But I can let you know that you are not alone.. AND NO....NO>>>>NO>>>> you cannot depend on another person to fill the gaps and make you happy.

You must somehow learn how to work through the pain. Either with a therapist or other ways...

I myself am struggling with many issues.. in another post I am fixin, if not today... soon, talk about my LIFE.. my REAL LIFE. The feelings, the pain, the hurts, all real or just what I felt. I am putting it off. But I think it will be a good thing.

Hugs to you... sorrry for your pain .. but that "therapy" sounds like bunk to me....

JT

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What happens if you can't get the love you want in "Imago therapy" according to Harville Hendrix, when you are in so much pain and that's exactly what's needed/wanted for healing? What's a person in such a situation supposed to fucking do?:mad::(:confused:

Even God has trouble getting people to Love Him, and He's perfect!

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