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Putting all my crazy on the table... literally!


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My brother and SIL went with me to take my son to get new cleats a couple of days ago. (I don't go out without having someone there with me.) So, afterwards, they suggested we grab dinner. We get to the restaurant and I tried to eat but truly could not. So, I was trying my best to just minimize that fact and, at least, interact normally.

I should explain at this point that I have several anxiety issues related to germs, dirt, infections, etc. I also have many issues related to my kids.

My DD had something on her face, so I went into my purse to get a pack of wipes out. I realized that a bottle of hand sanitizer had spilled and was all over the bottom of my purse/bag. So, I had to pull everything out- right there on the table- for all the world to see. Bottles of hand sanitizer, toilet seat covers, baby wipes, potty wipes (for kids), Clorox wipes, Lysol spray, Tide pen, Shout wipes, travel sized roll of TP, travel roll of Bounty paper towels, etc.

All of these items represent "security" for me. They are a way to cope with some of things that frighten me. They help me feel more prepared to deal with anxiety-provoking situations which is what makes it possible for me to even venture out into the world. Yet, somehow, seeing everything "out of the bag" made me feel like I had just laid all my crazy right on the table.

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