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Rapid Cycling again--Currently spiraling down


journeyupward
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Since we moved to FL on March 1st, I've begun rapid cycling moods again. I've seen my new Pdoc twice and he gave me a new diagnosis. I have Bipolar NOS (not otherwise specified). The rapid cycling causes me to not fit the DSM guidlines for Bipolar I or II so I'm put in the category Not Otherwise Specified. Geeee! He's an expert in the field of mood disorders, especially bipolar, so I sincerely hope he's got it right--I think he has. It's been a long road since childhood to finally understand why I've always been somewhat different and treated a bit different.

Right now, I am alone at home and I'm spiraling down. I feel alone and am tired of the fight to survive. I love the manic days, just LOVE them (as long as they aren't irritable, which is seldom). I'm going to lose them due to new treatment, new drugs. I'm hopefully going to lose the major depressive cycles--they are so dangerous.

Right now, the spiral is taking me down to a dark and bad place. I wish it could just end. I don't want to go to the hospital--I don't think I'm that bad yet. Where is the line drawn where one must go to hospital?

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Hi Journey

That is a good question? I don't have a great answer other then my own personal thought- Where is the line? for me, I think it is when I can see that the line is close I know I've thought it like OMG there it is the line that I could cross. I think in this situation I HAVE to tell someone I'm close to my point at that point which is a bit hard because nothing really can be done to help until you cross the line. But I know that once I cross the line everything is out the window in my thoughts, I will stop treatments, I stop talking to people about my feelings and thoughts and basically it is more dangerous because I won't ask for help in that point. So I have to say if I see the line anywhere close that is the point help is needed.

Just my thoughts, take care

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good question journey. I seem to walk that line everyday. I hope I go to the ER when I cross over. I can't seem to ask for help until I am at my total wits end. sometimes I wish for it so I can screw up the nerve to go ask for help....otherwise I suffer everyday in my madness.

I hope the meds you are taking help relieve some of your suffering. Maybe all the Florida sunshine will help!!:(

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