really in a bad place with ocd

[anna86]

hello everyone i guess im fairly new her and i have suffer from ocd or my therapist tells me. i am now 20 weeks pregnant and cant stop crying this morning i feel like i will never get better or have somekind of break through i am having the most aweful thougts imaginable about pedophilia a week ago i feared that i might turn into one and now im back to looking in my past to see if i already did something aweful and im just so sick of this i have been through type of ocd before and i was so happy to get over it so is back!? how can i be a good mother with these thoughts of "what if" i did do something and all this becouse of one time with my nephew i had a terrible thought like "what if you just kissed him" and i remeber it giving me a panic attack and i remember telling myself "it was just a bad thougt" and i totally forgot about until now:( i just keep thinking did something else happen and thats what scaredme? over and over it plays in my head im so tired of it, i just want to be happy about my baby and be excited about being a mother but what if im not fit? i would rather die than ever hurt a child but that doesnt change the thoughts. sorry such a long thread i just am having a really hard time right now. i hate ocd:mad:

[humble1]

Hello Anna,

Having "what if" thoughts does not mean that you will be a bad mother, I promise. Many people have "what if" thoughts, and they are simply just that: thoughts. They are not actions. Whether or not these thoughts feel inappropriate or bad does not change the fact that they are only things in your head. You are not doing anything bad when something like that pops into your mind.

If you are not sharing these thoughts with your therapist, I recommend that you do. An experienced therapist has heard pretty much everything likely to come out of a person's mouth, and they are not going to judge you or assume that your thinking something means that you condone a behavior, or intend to do it.

The fact that you suffer from OCD pretty much guarantees that certain thoughts are going to show up uninvited in your mind. That is the disorder, it is not You. Hopefully you can try and focus less on whether thoughts are bad or good, and just sort of sit back and evaluate them without focusing on that.

B.