AndreaB Posted April 13, 2009 Report Share Posted April 13, 2009 I'm having thoughts of having a child. I'm only 24 and I can barly support myself, but I still want a baby. I want someone to love me no matter what my faults are. I know this is silly, but I really want one. I don't know why I'm feeling this way. I guess becasue I feel unloved and unwanted. I don't know. Any thoughts?:confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted April 13, 2009 Report Share Posted April 13, 2009 I think that's a pretty common and understandable desire, Andrea. But I think you already know it's not a realistic one.It's a parent's job to love a child unconditionally, not the child's job to love the parent that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paula Posted April 13, 2009 Report Share Posted April 13, 2009 I must agree with malign, it is a parents job to love a child!You must sit down and think about what your saying Andrea! It is alright having a baby but... How are you going to bring that baby up? Also, remember there not babies long! If you are struggling to make end meet without a baby, then how are you going to manage with a baby?A baby should be brought into this world for all the right reasons, love, happiness, because that baby is wanted and not just a rebound feeling because you want to be loved! Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you won't make a good mum, I'm saying just think about it please! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndreaB Posted April 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 14, 2009 thank you both I know your right, but I never thought about it being my job to love the baby and not the other way around. I'll think about it. I don't want to bring a child into this world and not take care of it. Thanks again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mscat Posted April 15, 2009 Report Share Posted April 15, 2009 thank you both I know your right, but I never thought about it being my job to love the baby and not the other way around. I'll think about it. I don't want to bring a child into this world and not take care of it. Thanks againHi Andrea,I have personal experience here. At your age my son was born. I became a single mother/parent. Before my child was born I had been working as a preschool teacher, however also suffered from a terrible Eating Disorder. I had to gain 70Lbs in order to have a healthy baby. I also had never lived on my own before. So I brought hom a newborn infant to my one bedroom apt. all alone .. Trust me, this was the scariest experience of my LIFE ! I stayed on disabilty for nearly 3 months before money ran out and I had to go back to work full time. I knew about subsidized daycare. I chose a inhome daycare provider and had to leave my 2 1/2 month old infant nearly 10 hrs a day to go and work . I did not drive at the time. Anther HARD time in my LIFE. I am now barely 25 yrs old, on my own. I am now communiting . working full time, caring for an infant as well.. and working with a class of 12 2 yr olds all day long by myself. for 8 hrs a day. Making $10.00 HR. did I mention to you how much I loved my baby ? and how I cried each day when I had to drop him off to leave to go to work? Jumping ahead a few years, the baby was always sick! was underweight! so underweight, he had to have tests! nothing showed up! He was small for his age, than he did not talk , than he started to become hyperactive, than aggressive.... Than he showed other bizzare behaviors... such as, he flapped his hands, spun around in circles, made odd sounds, would repeat words , not talk , just repeat words people would say, he would jump up and down a lot too, I had him tested by the school district at the age of 4, than by a Hospital, than a Psychologist, and a neurolgist... MY baby, was now labeled as Autistic! With delays .... ALL of this and SINGLE PARENT. Struggling to make ends meet , now with a special needs child... Yippie:( My "baby" is nearly 16 now, and still is on the autistic spectrum, has cognitive delays , and is high functioning. What I am trying to say to you is, please do not be in such a hurry to have a baby. Your time will come. Enjoy what you have now .Babies take a lot out of BOTH parents , let alone just one parent. I am still a single mom. If your seeking love from a baby, that is NOT how it works. Babies are demanding, and needy... Honestly, i'd suggest you go and get yourself a darling little puppy. I am serious! A puppy will give you the love and attention you will want! And far less work than a baby. I love my son very much. However, I would not ever suggest having one so it could love me... no that is not how babies are designed.. A baby takes everything out of you. Emotionally and physically, as well as fianacially. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted April 15, 2009 Report Share Posted April 15, 2009 Hi AndreaB,Listen to all the wonderful and thoughtful advice you have received from people who know from life experience. I agree fully with all of them.Allan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustTrying Posted April 16, 2009 Report Share Posted April 16, 2009 I have to agree... A puppy is soooo much easier AND they do give you unconditional love. A baby may be in your future. But wait until you and your future husband can give the baby unconditional love....Thinking of having one myself and I am fixin to be 40.... have to think about this more.....JT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndreaB Posted April 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 16, 2009 mscat I never thought about how it would be to be a single mother etc. I have an autistic nephew who I love dearly and I see what a struggle it is to take care of him. thank you for sharing your story with me. I was being selfish in wanting a baby to compansate for my lack of love and that's not right. I can't have a puppy where I live at, but I can have a cat. I feel foolish, but I also feel good because everyone here has opened my eyes about having a baby. No more trying to get pregnant I'll think more of what having a baby entails and I'll think about how much hard work mscat you had to do to take care of your baby. Thank you all for your advice. I don't want a child until I'm ready:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted April 16, 2009 Report Share Posted April 16, 2009 Dear Andrea,Please do not feel either foolish or selfish. The wish to have a baby to make up for lost love is as old as human life on earth.I do believe that getting a kitten and raising it is a great idea and I support you in doing that.Are you in psychotherapy??Allan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndreaB Posted April 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 17, 2009 yes 'm currently seeing a therapist and I'm on prozac and just recently welbrutrin. They're helping me. I also adopted a cat today her names Charoltte she's very affectioned. I love her already she's making me feel bette all ready :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mscat Posted April 17, 2009 Report Share Posted April 17, 2009 Hi Andrea, I am so happy I could help you. What is you precious kitten's name? I am an animal lover:) I joined this community so because it helps of the life experiences I've been through, and which it has ~ done. It helps me when I can help others. Here are some other suggestions that you may be interested in doing: Call a preschool/daycare center and either volententeer your time in the infant prgram, or read a story to a group of 3 yr olds . You can also call your local Library and ask them if you can do a story time for a group of children. ANd if you have friends with babies, ask if you can babysit them . Especially if the infant is between 5-8 months old . LOL. I am totally kidding .This is the devlopmental stage where a infant is the most clingy towards it's mother. The infant is going to cry and scream the most when separated from it's parents... Also, to makes matters worse the baby is also teething. Unless the baby already knows you, he or she will most difinatley "freak out" Memories of the good times of prescool teaching... AKA: MsCathy Andrea , your going to be just fine , and sucessful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustTrying Posted April 17, 2009 Report Share Posted April 17, 2009 I am happy for you Andrea! Give Charlotte a scratch from me! babies will come when the time is right. Glad you at least talked about it first.JT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndreaB Posted April 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2009 thanks all!!!! her name is charlotte and I adopted her from the apl she's 8 yrs old and black she's a sweetie.I'll post pics when I can thanks againp.s. Done with the baby don't even want to baby sit lol:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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