SI feels good

[mscat]

UNfortunately as for now, Self harming works for me. It feels good to SI , and relaxes me. I calm down, like a drug it quickly runs through my body, an unbelieable rush. A hardly feel of a burn, that ought to hurt like hell. It does not, honestly hurt at all. Because of doing it so much and for so long, and because of doing this behavior far more severely at times as well.

WE have wrote about quitting, many have encourage stopping, and using distraction. However, it is a no go for right now. Because it feels good to SI. It is my vice, and I am so sorry if this is terrible offensive. Or sickning to write about. My brother drinks way too much. Whay can't he understand this is no different than what he does to himself? He also has diabeits type 2! My other brothers are also very self destructive!

I've been discussing with my therapist serious issues the last two weeks. It is good though. Just to talk about them. It is better now, I just hope the therapist doesn't leave me now that I've talked to him about all that stuff:eek: I want to SI a lot too. I feel like losing control, total control , just barely hanging in there. Been smoking cig. more, trying to be calm, when i take the clonipin it makes me tired. I am trying not to be impulsive as well, and it is very, very difficult. All the thoughts are swirly.

[pokets]

Hi Mscat....

I dont think its sickeneing to read wot u write, si is a way of coping and no matter how many distractions etc, if the need is there that is how we cope, not a very healthy way but at least we can function. I wouldnt worry bout ur therapist leaving you hanging with all this, its good that u have started talking and opening up like u have tho at times feels unsafe, but there not like everybody else in our lives (well a good one isnt) they wont just leave u in a mess. Im not sure wot else to say, apart from u take care of yourself.

love

jo

[malign]

Mscat, what you tell us doesn't sicken me. I do feel sad for you, the same as I feel for your brother, hurting himself by drinking. I think the behaviors are very similar, in fact. No one would expect him to give up drinking unless he had learned some other way to deal with his feelings. It won't be easy for him to build those alternate skills; he already has a habit he relies on. At the moment, drinking feels good, it probably relaxes him, and nothing else works that well for him, yet. But you can see it's killing him even if he doesn't, or at least, even if he hides it from himself.

I hope some day you find another way.

[mscat]

Mscat, what you tell us doesn't sicken me. I do feel sad for you, the same as I feel for your brother, hurting himself by drinking. I think the behaviors are very similar, in fact. No one would expect him to give up drinking unless he had learned some other way to deal with his feelings. It won't be easy for him to build those alternate skills; he already has a habit he relies on. At the moment, drinking feels good, it probably relaxes him, and nothing else works that well for him, yet. But you can see it's killing him even if he doesn't, or at least, even if he hides it from himself.

I hope some day you find another way.

Exactly right! Esp. with the Dibabetis. ! He tells me it's under control, he's lost weight.. However, I found out the reason why he has lost so much weight is because he is drinking instead of eating! Ever night He drinks. He says He has it under control .It is just Beer. Out Bio. Mother is a heavy Drinker /alcholism/Drugs all of this runs severely in our biological family. AS well as Violence, you name it, it's there. The very reason as little children we were taken away by CPS/split up . Oddly, the pattern contiunes in us as adults!!! we are the same, and My brother and I still are messing up badly. The other three brothers are even in worse shape than we are. Our bio. father is dead . Died at 65 with sepsis. Again same brother had him at his home, bi father gets hurt/he's in a wheel chair is a amputee one leg. , brother sends him back to rest home hurt does not say anything. Father goes to hospital, injury becomes infected, and he dies .

I became off topic, It's all I do not to self harm at times. I did not send my kid to school today. For one reason his teacher was not there, and a sub was coming whose never been there, and I just did not trust things or myself. He stayed home yesterday too. He's in a SDC class, Severely handicaped class out of town an hr and a half one way on the bus. there is a lot of lee way for kids like our when they miss a day or two.

This is what is said to be SI to be addictive. once started it is difficult not to keep doing so. Feels good , perhaps the endorphin release of chemicals. All I wish is for my Biological Brother TIM, to understand that what he does , is no different than the SI i rely on . Why in the world won't he help me? Says it is because I do it to myself? he's doing that to himself too?

[smallstar]

You're absolutely right mscat, the way that your brother is being harmed he is doing to himself. Perhaps what he's doing is worse than what you do because his drinking can cause irreversible harm to himself, especially being that he's diabetic. If he was willing and is able to accept that he has a problem, maybe you two could support each other, understand each other.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi mscat and everyone,

I suspect that your brother cannot help you because his alcoholism leaves him without the energy or strength to even help himself. It is not worth engaging in a debate with him over whether there are differences between SI and drinking. What he needs to realize is that he has a disease called Alcoholism and that he needs to get help to stop. Now, there are even medications that block the craving for alcohol. However, he has to come to this himself. You can tell him and urge him but he will do what he wants until he wakes up, if he wakes up. In the meantime, it is important that you take care of yourself and your son.

Allan

[mscat]

Hi mscat and everyone,

I suspect that your brother cannot help you because his alcoholism leaves him without the energy or strength to even help himself. It is not worth engaging in a debate with him over whether there are differences between SI and drinking. What he needs to realize is that he has a disease called Alcoholism and that he needs to get help to stop. Now, there are even medications that block the craving for alcohol. However, he has to come to this himself. You can tell him and urge him but he will do what he wants until he wakes up, if he wakes up. In the meantime, it is important that you take care of yourself and your son.

Allan

I have concluded this already. Tim, My brother is in complete denial. I have accepted his denial because like me, he is not ready to give it up. I've had other self destructive behaviors in my lifetime too. And know the pattern of addiction well. No matter who it is, Tim will not stop untill he is ready to give it up, or has a life alterating experience. Who's going down first? Him or I?

Let's see? I have used chemicals many times for Self harming , and severely injured, which has left me in CCU... He has been pulled over, has had his driver lience suspended, but now has gotten it back!

He screws up again, he won't be so lucky! the diabetes is type 2. The beer is Bud light. Not liquor. Me when I drink it's liquor, I mix the hard stuff .However, I do not drink every friggin night.

My downfall is Self harm, and more self harm, the Burning is what I orginally posted about and this is what feels relief. If anyone cares to respond or SI's here? Guess it's like the peace of getting drunk, getting high. to me there's nothing better then Self harming a real good amount. Now can anyone relate to that? Yes I am in therapy, thinking about DBT, although I do not want to quit the SI, so why do DBT? Also on meds , but that is not for SI. there are many other things going on too.

[Proverbs31:28]

Yes, Mscat, I can relate. I know this forum is not meant to "glorify" SI so I don't post much about my own struggle. But, I do understand the release, the relief, the calm that comes from the act itself. I do understand why it is "wrong" but, for me, some days it is the only way I get through. Unfortunately, today is one of those days.

[mscat]

Yes, Mscat, I can relate. I know this forum is not meant to "glorify" SI so I don't post much about my own struggle. But, I do understand the release, the relief, the calm that comes from the act itself. I do understand why it is "wrong" but, for me, some days it is the only way I get through. Unfortunately, today is one of those days.

Proverbs, I understand. And sorry that today is one of those days for you > It sucks ass. Even though Having the SI there, it is always a painful way to feel better. Can't do much of this until Monday .... Kid is in school then. It is HOT out in Cali and stuck inside right now, which is no big deal really, cause this is where i am naturally. Did not take the meds last nigh, and now , today a little ill with a cold or allergies. It's already early am, and did take the night pills . Some days, just can't get be over soon enough! Our little dog keeps barking at everything , outside she hears and we do not. Must be neighbors or something . Geez she /the dog really gets pissed. LOL.

Well, having to wrap up the left arm forever and make excuses for it, play it down, no big deal, trying not to make my son know or course he does not nned to or can never ever know what is going on. SI is not something I annouce u know? Being hot as hell , there's no jackets to wear .

Anycan add to this thread if they want to. I know I am not alone in Self harm in here! Tend to always forget though.... Don't we all wish to forget this SI crap?

[kaudio]

I understand that mscat and proverbs are not new to SI, but I want to remind you both to take good care of your injuries. It is important to prevent an infection so if the injuries are serious do see a doctor and have it treated.

Also, mscat, if there is something about the pills that you disagree with, you can mention this to your doctor. It is best to follow the prescription to properly experience the intended effects of particular medicines. But, if there is a reason behind not following the prescription, your doctor will be in the best position to give you alternatives.

[mscat]

I understand that mscat and proverbs are not new to SI, but I want to remind you both to take good care of your injuries. It is important to prevent an infection so if the injuries are serious do see a doctor and have it treated.

Also, mscat, if there is something about the pills that you disagree with, you can mention this to your doctor. It is best to follow the prescription to properly experience the intended effects of particular medicines. But, if there is a reason behind not following the prescription, your doctor will be in the best position to give you alternatives.

Thank you Kaudio for the reminder. Your right. For me, I have kept the arm wrapped. the blisters are still not popped , which is fine. Burns take very long time to heal. The swealing in the hand has disappeared. And the not taking the medication was only a slip up for one night. Back on meds and doing fine.

hopefully, is also doing well, and can/will post here soon.

[JustTrying]

My husband found my razor blade this weekend. I haven't used it for a while. But after he left, I took it back out of the trash.

MSCAT you talk about your brother being an alcoholic... that is me too. When I SI I don't need to drink, but to me the drinking is the less of 2 evils ( as long as I stay off the road and away from people) Even though ALCOHOLIC is still said with such a tone as to make it sound like a bad word. I find more people understand SI even less.

Other than places like this... where can anyone talk about it? people are so judgemental. I made the mistake of telling a few people. BIG MISTAKE! but I have been SI ing for years. ( since about 12)Hitting myself etc.... then the cutting started.With the hitting , it was only bruises and they would go away. When I started cutting.. well it left scars.

Either way though , if it is SI or drinking or using drugs.. I am trying to hurt myself so that I feel better... if that makes sense...

Reason I do not post much.... I do not know how to express myself and my thoughts well.. but thank you all for listening.

JT

[mscat]

JT, Thing is that when I read your posts, I understand every word your writing. It is very clear to me. I understand exactly where you are coming from. Seriouly I do. I don't drink as much, only with my brother.... ANd he tells me he does not drink every night either. Unsure about that though. Maybe sometimes he drinks more then other times. Yet, he does not do anything else self detructive either, like myself. I don't go out of the house, and noises light are extremely irritating to me. certain sounds as well, ANd people, oh crap, i am typically ready to explode or to become enraged . This is why I keep isolated. ANd becasue most of the time I find that people are wanting borrow money, are rude, selfish, ignorant, disgusting, and plain vile.

I have a special need son, and a beautiful little dog. He stayed home from schoold again, that was an accident. No SI today. Tomorrow, is anther possible time . Anyhow, I do know and understand how yu feel, and the urge to SI to me it is always not far away, and never goes away completely.