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What do you call yourself?


malign
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Well, this might not qualify as coping "wisdom", but it might be helpful.

I find that I often call myself names, or put myself down in slightly more subtle ways, like saying that this post might not be wise. What makes this something to post about is that I begin to see lots of people here who do the same thing. In the spirit of bringing this name-calling to consciousness, I made up the following little survey. My own answers follow.

(Yes, I know it's classic CBT [Cognitive Behavioral Therapy]. I just felt the need to do the exercise "out loud" a few times.)

What names do you call yourself?

Are they positive or negative? (Some people may be telling themselves positive things, we should hear from them, too.)

If it is negative, and you would like to change it, what would you tell yourself instead?

I put myself down in all sorts of ways, from big and concrete to small and vague. I use self-deprecating humor to make people feel more comfortable, and I call myself names ranging from "stupid" to the worst vulgarities to "keep myself in line", to prevent myself from taking chances that scare me, in other words, to keep myself from living. And I'm not even doing my own exercise right. ;-)

I call myself "stupid".

I see myself as socially inept.

I feel like I deserve to be lonely.

These are all, obviously, negative.

The reality is that I'm far from stupid, intellectually. There are parts of life that I have less experience in, and coping skills that I could undoubtedly learn. But those things mean, at worst, "poorly educated", not "stupid".

If I were truly inept socially, then I would have a hard time talking to people at work, or in those activities which I do for fun, and there is no evidence for that. It is difficult for me to begin conversations with new people, but most people that I do talk to seem to like me. So the problem seems to be more of reluctance than inability to socialize.

No one deserves to be lonely, and there is no objective evidence that I'm any "worse" than anybody else.

I think the summary is that I tell myself these things to prevent me from trying to socialize, from trying to explore the range of other people, simply from an unjustified fear of being hurt.

Anyway, I'm not sure that I was able to do the exercise properly. All the excess words are just there to cushion the blow so that I don't have to make a direct, positive statement. But, I did try. :-)

Anybody else care to give it a shot?

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I find this interesting

here goes

I call myself fat stupid lazy and worthless

These thought are negative, but may not have much basis. I'm far from fat just a little plump. I'm not stupid I know alot when I talk to people. I come across as intelligent even if I feel stupid. I feel worthless because well I don't know maybe becasue I feel like i have no purpose in this world. I would tell myself I'm smart. I'm thick ,but still beautiful. And that I'm not lazy I just move slow lol. I would tell myself I'm not worthless I'm loved because I deserve to be loved.

I like this poll because well I'm not alone people here understand and that makes me feel normal:)

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  • 2 weeks later...

What names do you call yourself?

stupid, worthless, a mistake and crazy

Are they positive or negative? (Some people may be telling themselves positive things, we should hear from them, too.)

negative for sure.

If it is negative, and you would like to change it, what would you tell yourself instead? The feelings and thoughts that I tell myself really come from my perception of how others see me. Although I am unable to focus my intellect and do anything productive with it, I can hold my own in conversations and when I have to go in public. I may not have much in the way of material possessions, but I more than make up for it in caring for those around me. I always do the best I can for others, often to the detriment of my own health. I guess that is what makes me crazy. The family that I have always wanted to love me and care for me will never see me for me. They will see the screw-up. The mistake. They will only ever see the worst in me and never the good. A total stranger can tell them lies about me and it is no question as to what they believe. Of course they would question the good just not the bad. In order to stop feeling negative about this I need to stop worrying about what others think of me and focus on the truth....sorry for the verbal garbage. it just came out....

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