Question about a certain behavior

[etp1017]

If someone likes the attention that someone else gives them and doesn't see that the person giving them the attention likes them and wants a romantic relationship with them is that a sign of Narcissism? In other words, someone wants all the benefits of having someone else desire them but has no intention of returning the affection would this be an indication of Narcissism?

Thanks.

[malign]

Well first, I don't think any of us can diagnose a personality disorder online, much less with so little to go on.

I can imagine someone (in fact, I can imagine being someone) who doesn't even realize that they're liked. I can also imagine someone who doesn't know what to do when they do realize they're liked. A conscious choice not to return affection sounds selfish, but that may or not be full-blown narcissism.

I'd have a tendency to give it the benefit of the doubt, and try to discuss with the person, so that they know that they're liked, and maybe even throwing in some hints about what you would like in return. People are often clueless; more communication is better than none.

[etp1017]

Yes, absolutely I agree communication is a must. When I did communicate my thoughts and feelings I was greeted with a cold, no emotion kind of response almost like she was angry. The situation we were in was such that from a social standpoint most other people thought we were a couple. Plus her best friends were subtly pushing us together by making inuendos that we ought to date. She had also confessed to me that one of her issues is that she likes people around her that like her as she loves the attention. I should have run then. I am grateful to be out of the whole thing....but am sad as the friendship ended for me as a result of the coldness coming from her. It would have been nice if she were kind about it. It has been two months and I have not initiated contact as I need to heal but also no contact from her...seems to me if the friendship meant anything to her she would have called to see how I was doing. I sense she is emotionally shut down.

Anyway, I will live.....thanks for your reply.

[Guest ASchwartz]

etp1017,

Do you tend to attach to women like this? I mean, women who are cold?

By the way, I understand your not wanting to contact this woman and I understand that you are grieving, but, what stops you from moving on to a happier relationship with someone who could be warm and loving?

Allan :confused:

[etp1017]

Good point Allan! You hit the nail right on the head. I still think she is narcissitic though My mother was useless when it came to being emotionally available and it was always about her so I get it now. Tired of replaying that relationship.

I have every intention of spending time with women who are kind....I'll start there anyway. Thanks for your help.