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Myself


AndreaB
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I've tried positive thinking in the past, but I can't seem to hold on to it for long. I had a phrase I Am Beautiful about a month ago ad that stuck with me for a while, but after I felt I didn't need it I stopped using it. Now I feel like I'm back in the same boat with this self loathing I use to say hatred, but loath is a less server word. I just want to feel better about myself. All this ties in with self esteem and how I feel about myself. I try to dresss nice to make myself feel better, but of course that doesn't always work. I just want to be ok with me and I know it's going to be a while maybe even years before I get there. Any suggestions? Just want to feel a little better about myself ;)

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I had a couple of big moles on my cheeks from birth. In high school, people would make fun of me sometimes. It started to get me depressed and it made me feel really bad. I kept feeling like, if I could just take away the moles, everything would be better. It sounds like you're trying to fix things the same way with dressing up. Well, I had surgery to remove the moles, and now I have scarring that turns deep red or is pale depending on the weather. anyway, I noticed something: my friends treat me exactly the same. Now I have different people who look at me weird because of the scars, but I don't really care what everyone else thinks anymore. How's this for a trick to psyche yourself out: if you matter so little, why does it matter what you think about yourself? You have friends and family, don't you? Think about the fact that you matter to them. Shouldn't that give you worth? Don't you feel guilty for disregarding their opinion? You are a valuable person. Yell that at the mirror next time you feel upset.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Stripes and AndreaB,

Rather than thinking about "positive thoughts," in cognitive restructuring the aim is to indentify automatic thoughts. Those are thoughts that we characteristically use under certain circumstances and that keep us depressed. The trouble is that there is little or not real hard evidence to support these thoughts.

So, AndreaB, can you think of a recent circumstance where something occurred and you had one of your automatic thoughts? Can you describe what happened and what the thought was?

Stripes, when you were a child, kids would tease you about your moles. Now you are adult, they have been removed but you have scars. Are you sure your friends look at you because of the scars? How do you know? What is the evidence? Do you know what people think when they look at you? What do you think they think? How do you know what they think? Can each of you explain?

Allan

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi Allan,

So once we recognize our automatic thoughts, what do we do with them? Forget them? Hard to do after decades of thinking them. Convince ourselves of just the opposite? No basis to rely on here--in other words, nobody has told me the opposite to make me believe so. Their insinuations and expressions tells me the same things the bullies have told me outright verbally years ago. I guess we're stuck. I hate that I have to go through the same ol' emotions whenever these things trigger it. No wonder I like being by myself--safer and less painful, emotionally. I guess I need some cognitive reframing desperately!!. Thanks.

"Sticks and stones will break my bones and words have definitely hurt me!"

Edited by karai
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