What would you say to a 6 year old

[Proverbs31:28]

who says she is "too fat." My DD, who is NOT fat and is, in fact, very athletically gifted told me yesterday she is too fat. It broke my heart to hear this because I grew up with a VERY poor self image because of statements I believed from family members. I do not want this to be the start of a self image problem, but I don't want to over react, either. We did talk about it, but I am wondering the best thing to say to her at such a young age to avoid a lifelong problem.

[Natalie]

This is a very hard issue to deal with in our society, which is so focused on bodies and how they look. I would first ask her why she feels fat. Did someone say that to her? Or did she look in the mirror and suddenly decide this? Either way, I wouldn't just say "But you aren't fat." That doesn't address the feeling she is having, and might make her more reluctant to bring up this type of issue in the future. I would point out that people's bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and that they change as we grow up. You could even find some healthy body pictures on line to illustrate your point (young athletes, older athletes, etc.).

You could then go on to talk about what bodies are designed to do... walk, run, jump, play, etc. You could point out that our bodies have to have some muscle and some fat to accomplish all of those activities. Bodies that are too skinny aren't good a running, jumping, etc. I would also point out that she is lucky to have a body that is good at athletic activities (suggesting that not everyone is so lucky!).

She is probably a bit young to get into a whole discussion of the pressures of the media to be thin. However, if she brings up that she wants to look like a particular celebrity, you could also discuss this issue.

[Guest ASchwartz]

I am not surprised to read about this. The pressure to be thin has drifted down to earlier and earlier ages. I guess, as parents, we can limit television viewing, magazines, and other media we allow our children to be exposed to but I doubt this is a realistic approach.

Allan:(

[brwnezeblu]

I am truly sorry to hear that such a young girl is already preoccuppied with her weight! As we all know this is a disorder that takes on a life of its own, sometimes when we want to give in and eat, it is too late. As long as the 6-year-old sees this as a power and control issue; by recting to her parents emotions. It is difficult to sit back and not react, this little girl needs tough love.

[Dee1963]

My daughter was a little older when she started to say things like that. What I did was took her statement seriously and asked her to do a slow turn in front of me. I acted as if I was pondering the question and musing out loud. I talked about her great muscle tone and how tall she was getting, among other things. In short, I talked about all the positive attributes she had and got her talking and focusing on that for awhile before I pronounced that, nope she wasn't fat, but that I would be sure to mention it if I noticed anything. She felt happy and I do spend time talking about her athleticism every so often to keep that at bay. She did go through a phase where she wanted what I call "chicken legs", but I talked about how her abilities and stamina as a dancer was what made her legs so tone and muscular. As she gets older I talk about the stereotypes that are foisted on younger and younger girls to look and conform to standards set by unhealthy expectations. So far, knock on wood, it still seems to be working.

[Pixeydust]

I would tell your others (friends and family) how your daughter is feeling. Then spontaniously (sorry if I spelled that wrong) ask them to remark on how beautiful your daughter is. Of course don't have them do this all at once or she will be wondering...where is this coming from and then wonder if you told all of them how she was feeling and then she may not trust you in the future to tell you how she feels. But tell a friend to start out with for ex. and when you see that friend, she doesn't have to comment on the weight but just say "Sarah!You are looking very beautiful today!" I wouldn't have them say you are looking in good health or anything like that, cause she may take that the wrong way, just have everyone tell her how good or nice she looks. Like others have been saying though, I am not surprised to hear that you are having this problem though...mostly teenagers now-a-days are worried about their weight and saying they are getting too fat....I think a lot of it is hype though (I could be wrong), I say this because I feel that they are just wanting the attention "You aren't fat!!" Is what they are looking for, not the reassurance per'se because they know they aren't." It is sad to hear though that it has worked it's way to the younger generation...if you have a teenage daughter that says this you 6 year old may have picked it up from her or she really does feel that she is fat, most 6 year olds don't say things like this for attention. Of course my daughter has done a lot of things for a long time for attention. LOL I don't know your daughter, you know your daughter better than anyone else. You be the judge of the situtation and handle accordingly, but like I said if you have a teenage daughter in the house that says this I really think that is where she picked it up from. Best wishes and best of luck with your daughter. I hope all goes well!

[mscat]

Your little girl is being influenced by what is going on around her in her every day life. Our society encouraged this unhealthy obsession of being thin.

Tell her she is perfect, and not fat . Tell her being too thin is bad for the body, and woman need to have meat on their bones in order to have babies.

I don't know if she is around weight conscience adults or not, but , she is picking up signals around her.

Being her parent, it is up to you that she is eating healthy, and a well balanced diet. Make sure she is not advoiding food, or restricting. A little girl needs to eat in order for her to grow. tell her that and try helping her feel good about herself, and help her build up her self image.