trigger cutter

[AndreaB]

I'm a cutter. I've only recently started to cut myself. I've done it a total of three times. I did it last night after I had a bad arguement with my boyfriend. I felt so ashamed after wards but I love the way my cuts look so pretty to me. I look at them after I'm done, I need help and advice would do:confused:

[Proverbs31:28]

Do you know WHY you cut? Are you asking for help to stop cutting?

There are different reasons people cut (or SI.) For some, its about feeling the pain because they have been numbed by depression. For others its about the bloodflow. For others (like me) its because of the endorphines released. (I only recently learned this about me!) When I cut, it is usually when I am angry or frustrated with myself or a situation I'm in. Cutting relieves the stress and I feel better... for a short while. My T explained that this is because of the chemical imbalance which causes depression. Cutting releases endorphines so, momentarily, a balance is struck. Once the imbalance returns, so does the emotional pain.

I think the first thing you need to do is understand WHY you have started cutting. What does it do for you? What triggers the cutting- is it only fights with your BF? How do you feel physically afterwards? Do you feel the pain? Or are you only noticing the scars? Once you understand the reason behind it, you can work on coping skills. Of course, this is where I am now so I don't really have the best advice. 2 things my T told me was to bite down on a lemon- straight through the skin- or hold ice in your bare hands. I was a little confused by this since, at least inmy case, it would not give me the rush of endorphines I get from cutting, but she insists it works. I have not tried either yet because I have not had any urges to cut since she told me that 2 weeks ago.

[mscat]

I'm a cutter. I've only recently started to cut myself. I've done it a total of three times. I did it last night after I had a bad arguement with my boyfriend. I felt so ashamed after wards but I love the way my cuts look so pretty to me. I look at them after I'm done, I need help and advice would do:confused:

Hi Andrea,

I am very curious. What made you decide to turn to cutting in the first place? Since it is a new thing to you, how come you gave it a try? Self harm can become very serious quickly, and then it can be extremely difficult to not be able to stop once the behavior becomes easier and easier to do. This is why I am asking you why you chose this method of coping? Because Self injury is a form of coping >

You are idenifying yourself as a cutter . Which IMO, I am led to beleive that you have no intentions of stopping the behavior, even though it is new to you, there is some kind of something that your getting out of it , already.

Are you in therapy? you say you love the way the cuts look? There so pretty to you? That is NOT what a typical SI'er thinks about cutting > however, this is all new to you, and I think your unsure as to what you own motivations are, or what your intentions are with self harm? Perhaps experimenting? I do not know?? DO yOU>?

Does your B/F know? If so what was his reaction? Horror? Disgust? Did he blame himself? Did he apolgise? Maybe you got the reaction you were hoping for out of him?

There is so much To Self harm then meets the eye . It is up to the individual to figure it out for themselves though .

I am not going to lecture you about it > But, will say to you to hope can stop while it is all new , to you, because once you continue for a while, and then your not able to stop, you may end up Self harming for several years to come> it is not pretty and it will/can destroy YOU.

Ask me how i know>

Cathy

Sorry , Andrea, once Again, you have walked straight , in thick, on my neck of the woods> And I am still here in the woods, lost. Trust me, you do not want to be here too.

[AndreaB]

to both of you I have no idea why I cut I got the idea from a friend of mines who cut herself once. It happened the first time about 5 months ago I have an argument with my bf and I cut myself, I broke a cup and did it. It made me feel better and I showed my bf he looked so sab, but it made him come back to me. I might cut for the reaction of my boyfriend. IDK. I've never been a cutter prior I had no desire to do it. After I do it I feel ashamed and dumb and disgusted with myself, the blood does nothing for me at all. I like to see it come out slowly it gives me a numbing sensation. It's like I'm still alive. I've wanted to cut myself alot but I stopped myself and gave the object to my boyfriend. So far my bf triggers them. I don't think about cutting and I don't think its something I'm going to continue. I don't know. I do want to stop though...

[AndreaB]

yes I'm in therapy and on meds but they don't seem to be helping me anymore:confused:

[mscat]

If you can , bring up the cutting issue with your therapist. The meds really are not designed to help with self harming > Talking about what kinds of things make you feel like you need to hurt yourself is the best way for you not to. That is why it may help you to bring it up in therapy. Especially since this is a new behavior to you. Honestly, A lot of people are very aware about what cutting is all about , and all of this leaves nasty scars. People see that and will judge you from that. Job interviews, friends, people, relatives, what are you going to say to them? Those are some things to keep in mind in the near future once they se the marks on your arms. Because those marks will fade, however are going to be there forever. Just something to think about. You may want to choose a better way of coping with your feelings.

I can tell you from personal experince and suffering from 25years of self injury and then some, that it is an extremely unpleasant , painful , damaging, life changing , life altering , thing to go through. And still I am struggling to overcome it. I do not even self harm by cutting either! However, it is by all means, a disgusting way of dealing with life in general. I wish I never got started . It is up to you though. Now, for me, A lot ot times, it is out of control, and NOT pretty . ANd not FUN. It is dangerous, disturbing, horrible, disfiguring, and it controlls me.

[AndreaB]

I have an up coming therapist appointment I'll bring up the cutting issue then. I don't want it to become a habit. Yesterday I was talking with a co worker about cutting and I was enjoying talking about it. I felt good in a way I have no idea why it's a sick way to feel and think, but that's how I felt. I don't have urges to cut unless I have a depression episode of which I feel suicidal hopeless lonely etc, It's bad my life is spinning and I'm so axious and the cutting releases some of the pain and I feel human but after I feel dirty and ashamed:mad:. I don't know if I'll cut again but I can't say I try it again either. I don't know I don't want it to become a habit. I'll keep you updated

[mscat]

I have an up coming therapist appointment I'll bring up the cutting issue then. I don't want it to become a habit. Yesterday I was talking with a co worker about cutting and I was enjoying talking about it. I felt good in a way I have no idea why it's a sick way to feel and think, but that's how I felt. I don't have urges to cut unless I have a depression episode of which I feel suicidal hopeless lonely etc, It's bad my life is spinning and I'm so axious and the cutting releases some of the pain and I feel human but after I feel dirty and ashamed:mad:. I don't know if I'll cut again but I can't say I try it again either. I don't know I don't want it to become a habit. I'll keep you updated

It's good that you will talk to your therapist about your self injury. Most people who harm themselves do not "enjoy "talking about it though . It's embarassing to them, and not fun to talk about with just anybody. It is also a highly personal experience, and it's very different for the person who does it . It's also not considered a suicidal act. Unless the person is actually trying to do that. However, it is different for the person who does it though, your reasons for doing it, is your reasons.

A lot of people do it, and it is from a professional perspective a means of coping. Therapists have seen countless clients uses this form of coping method.

When your ready to stop doing that to yourself, you will.

[AndreaB]

m only concern is that I only do it under extreme stress it's like I can't control the fact that I want to cut myself. I'm scared to go back to that place

[Lie_low]

Yes, the urge to self-injure can be powerful because it works. It’s easier to just give in to the urge rather than to face the painful emotions that lead you to want to hurt yourself in the first place. As someone who has struggled with cutting for many years and is trying to quit, I have to remind myself that self-injury is never necessary. Things can always be worked through in other ways—ways that won’t leave us with scars that will be there for years to come. When the urge is strong, sometimes it makes us feel like we are out of control. One of the ways to deal with this is to look at your urge mindfully (following your thoughts without clinging or aversion). When we can view it as just another thought that will come and go it loses its power. Basically we have to learn to ride out our emotions without doing anything we can to avoid them, because that doesn’t really work anyway.

Edited May 21, 2009 by Lie_low

[mscat]

m only concern is that I only do it under extreme stress it's like I can't control the fact that I want to cut myself. I'm scared to go back to that place

Yes, it is difficult to control the urge to self harm , when extremely stressed . It is that terrible, annoying, pressure that does not ever go away until the act of self injury is over. It is scary. I've been there countless times .

Lie low is right , that somehow we have to learn to ride out the emtions. I have not yet figured out how. Not when the ache of SI is all around, it will not go away. I am unable to control it either, and it seems like it takes over me as well. Then I am powerless again , and once more the SI feels to good though, and why in the world would it? It is disgusting. Yet, there it is, soothing, and satisfying, in a sick, awful, manner. These self inflicted injuries take months to heal, and are more painful healing then the act itself? Crap, WTF?

Then to do it again? I still do nto have the answers. It's horrid .Self injury .