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A neverending battle...how do I talk?


Kate22
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Hi guys and thanks for reading. I am so glad I joined this sight and have a chance to reach out to others about my issue. There are so many personal stories on here, and although a lot of them are depressing, I think it helps a lot just to know that I am not the only one with problems. Although, I haven't read any posts that are all that similiar to mine.

Basically, I feel like I am extremely clueless when I try to communicate with people. I feel that there is a "pattern," or something to that effect that I do not understand. This "pattern," that I don't understand is apparent to me whether I am listening to music, watching television, or observing how others around me communicate. I am not just recently realizing this, I have been coping with this for years. This is probably the most depressing part for me, is that I still have not found any answers after this time.

I have reached out to a handful of people, my parents (many times, many conversations), siblings, extended family, "friends," and even professionals. There are many days that I feel that I am at the end of my rope and I do not want to continue living this way, with this disability. At times that pain has been so great that I have hurt myself, in attempt to escape the pain inside. A few times I have cut, and sometimes I will drink or smoke. I know that these actions will not help me to overcome the problem, but at those times I feel like nothing will.

This issue has "disabled," a lot of things in my life. It is hard for me to even convince myself, for example, to go to the gas station because of my fear of going in to pay for the gas and talking to the attendant. I love people, and it hurts a lot to feel like such an outsider. I am extremely sensitive to energies, and I just hate that vibes that I get from people when I try to talk to them. From the outside I appear to be normal, but when I open my mouth, I guess it is apparent that I truly don't get it. I feel like a lost soul. And I just wonder how I've gotten to this point, and why I am the only one who does not understand how to talk.

If anyone knows of anything, any therapy that deals with this issue and could possibly help, please post. Thanx

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Kate22,

I have not read your very first post but I will try to answer your question.

I am a firm believer in Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy. Clinical Psychologists who specialize in this provide a therapy that is really focused and goal directed. In the end, you leave treatment knowing how to continue to help yourself long afterwards. I strongly urge you towards this type of therapy.

Allan :o

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I am at an extreme low. The future looks bleak and like there is nothing left to hope for. Not that I can figure out how to talk, not that I can have a better relationship with my daughter, not that I can make friends, not that I can find a job. Nothing is possible because I don't fit in. I don't understand this god forsaken pattern that people use to talk.

I am losing it. How can I be the only one that doesn't understand? How come no one can explain anything to me, when they all understand. I feel like I am in hell. This is what I would imagine it to be. All the possibilities of the world open to me, if only I were not this way. If only I had paid more attention for the past 22 years, listened more closely. I don't know if it would be different even then. What would have been different about my mind then? Who has the answers now, no one. I am so ****** in life. I feel that God has forsaken me, but he would still be there to punish me if I took my own life. Then i know that hell would be eternal, when atleast I could suffer here until my day comes naturally. That seems to be the only hope, what a waste.

To anyone reading this...I already know that I am losing it. I AM going off the deep end, but you would to if you were like me. If every day you had to face it not knowing how to talk right, the way the rest of this robot world does. Being the only one. So alone.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Katie22,

Here is part of what you wrote:

The future looks bleak and like there is nothing left to hope for. Not that I can figure out how to talk, not that I can have a better relationship with my daughter, not that I can make friends, not that I can find a job. Nothing is possible because I don't fit in. I don't understand this god forsaken pattern that people use to talk.

I know that you are depressed but it is clear that you are thinking in ways that help keep you feeling depressed and that quote is part of those thoughts. In other words, it is not true that there is nothing left to hope for. It may feel that way now, but there are always things to hope for.

I strongly recommend that you enter psychotherapy and even try anti depressant medications, if you have not yet started those things already.

I suggest cognitive behavioral therapy as a way to help you find solutions to your problems.

What do you think?

Allan

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Kate, I don't know what "talking right" would mean to you, but here at least, you seem to talk just like the rest of us. I'm not sure there's anything at all wrong with the way you talk, or if that's just a description of your feeling that talking doesn't produce the results you wish it did.

It is conceivable that you are actually having a problem in communicating, in grasping some "pattern" that the rest of us understand already. One reason for that could be something missing in your social education; another possibility could be that you are experiencing mild symptoms of something like autism. Certainly, if you have trouble communicating, then you'll have trouble communicating about what's wrong, and you won't easily understand people's attempts to help you. Keep trying, with as many people as you can; you'll get through eventually. If writing it down first works, do that.

I would suggest that you have made friends, just in the past couple of days, even if we are only online. So, anything's possible; the good stuff may just take longer. Hang in there.

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Kate,

I am sorry you are feeling very depressed right now. And feel that your not able to communicate. However, when you write, I do not see that it is any different tha how the rest of us do.

It may be low self esteem, feeling different from others, when you are not, anything may be going on, however that is why it is so inportant to go into therapy. There are a lot of people who have trouble talking about feelings, talking to others, one on , one . Please do not feel like you are the only person who struggles with this, because this is not true. You are not alone .

Me, for example, I do not like to talk to others much> But, it is because I actually find that people are dishonest, and self centered, all about themselves, take what they can get, and are not worth the heartache in the end.

I am cynical. Therefore, gain no pleasure forming relationships with others, and keep my distance. The computor is my way of reaching out, safely to others, being myself, and supporting people. I am honest, and if they are too , then it only benitis them as well. I like to help others because i feel that when I do , it gives me a good sense of happiness, and well being. Even though I have a lot of struggles, and many issues I have to deal with on a personal level too.

Antidepressants, mood stabilizers , all can help you fight the depression. It will get you back on a normal level. Depression is from chemical in the brain being all out out order. This is not your fault, nor do you have control over it. It does not make you weak. However, it is important that it be addressed .

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Thanks so much for responding, all of you guys. I haven't been able to get online for a few days. My mom and I actually had a falling out and she kicked me out! I think our argument, like most arguments was a direct result of these issues I have been dealing with. The people around me are so fed up with it, and I am too. Some people tell me that I don't have an issue, others tell me that I just need to practice. I personally believe the issue is real, and I do make attempts to put myself in social situations, or even just one on one conversations with people. While I would like to think that experience will only improve my understanding of the art, I don't really feel like any positive changes are happening.

I am open to the idea that the depression, anxiety, and paranoia are only making the situation worse and so I need to address it. I need to keep trying meds until I find the right one for me. I am also thinking about the possibility of some sort of day treatment. Maybe talking in a group or counselor setting could atleast help me to cope with the emotional distress that I am going through, if not give me a good situation to grow conversationally. So, of I don't respond any further for a while I might be on a little vaca-.:(

Thank you all so much for helping me to address my issue and giving your ideas. I hope everyone is doing well and learning to cope with their own struggles as well. God Bless

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