stanw Posted May 12, 2008 Report Share Posted May 12, 2008 Hello. This net search is a random shot in the dark after having been in many different therapeutic situations (okay, had many therapists) and currently, to some decent effect, on two medications (fluoxetine 80mg/day - yes, 80 - for OCD, and methylphenidate, 20mg 2xday). What I really feel hasn't been addressed - going back to when I was a child (oh, God, how cliche') is that I often become very confused and interpret almost everything in life differently from most of my peers and colleagues. As an example, I work in special ed and have for 12 years (no accident, I feel very passionate and militant about helping children actually have a decent childhood despite learning difficulties!). Specifically, for instance, the completion of academic tasks (as in, knowing what to do to help the children - which implies understanding the point of the lesson myself). The problem is that I almost never do - yet my colleagues - all of them - just jump right in as if the thing to do is so intuitive and needing of no explanaiton. THAT'S the problem! I need EVERYTHING explained! (from childhood). "You said *wash* the dishes!!! You didn't say to dry them and put them away!!!" - this through very confused tears and blindingly angry at my parents for being angry with me. Today: "I don't know how to "adapt" this book - What do you mean? Do you want me to do this part with him 'hand over hand', or should I have prepped these materials for simple choice-making"... I know that that is shop-talk, and I know this post is getting pretty lengthy. And that is in fact a very good demonstration of why this is so hard. I can't just say "look (co-worker), I'm dyslexic - I cannot read this. Why didn't we have a meeting beforehand so I knew what to do?" or "Hey! I'm blind - I cannot SEE when Jeffrey is being self-injurious". Okay - that last one was ridiculous as, unfortunately, a blind person would have to have a different type of assignment. Anyway - what I'm having trouble with is exactly the same thing that is impacting my ability to pose a simple and clear question here. See all of the words above? THAT is how much clarification *I* need to "get it". Um....I hardly EVER have the luxury of that much clarification. My "formal" diagnoses are Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Executive Dysfunction, and a history of Hydrocephalus and the accompanying (4) pediatric surgeries. Anyway - I'm tired of being confused and tired of needing things explained over again - especially that, when I finally DO understand, I'm frequently very angry that the issue/task could not have been explained "a-b-c, tada!". Once I get it, I *GET* it and am an instant expert. But the path to that ease and competence and confidence has always been very, very painful - to the point that I was twice suicidal in college. Well, despite my, ahem, compulsive urge to continue, I feel that I have reached the point of diminishing returns as far as further elaboration is concerned. Do you think you can help? Thank you very much. -Stan Shura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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