I'm Sexually afflicted

[Ob1one]

So I have this problem with myself and women. I always respect women with the most respect as possible... unless I'm bugging them like I'm their older brother. The problem is that males see women sexually whether they want to or not and by sexually I mean that we are attracted to them because of their beauty.

When I'm with women mostly I'm fine but when i get home I will probably do a male ritual done by about 99% of teens today if you know what I mean. The thoughts I use to get to a you know disgust me because they are normally people I know and I hate it to death. I know this is natural but I would like to at least suppress these thoughts and it would be heavenly if I could get rid of my (I'm going to say it) masturbation problem.

Now I know the men understand this is very natural behavior for a growing man still in puberty but for me that's no excuse. I see women getting rapped, abused, and violated and when I think about these things I feel like I'm violating them which I really think I am.

I could only imagine what I would do if someone even looked at my sister in the wrong way. And if she was rapped I could easily say, if I found him, I would kill him slowly, and painfully. Now I think of what I would do and then I think of what I'm thinking about. If I would beat the crap out of a guy for looking at her wrong whats my excuse for thinking of these women in this way.

Call it big brother regret. That movie taken didn't help me out by the way, that movie would make any father, mother, or brother cry.

How can I make strides to getting rid of my masturbation problem. I don't care if its natural I want to beat this freakin' nature to death just as hard as I would beat the crap out of anyone who would even look at my sister wrong. Then again nature is really strong which is why I'm looking for help here. So how can I get rid of my masturbation problem.

Edited June 2, 2009 by Ob1one

[silentmist]

Your winking isn't a problem unless you make it one IMO. If you want to wink over someone there is nothing wrong with that IMO. I wink over many woman where it would be inappropriate to approach in the real world. Most people wink throughout most of their lives, even if they are in a loving and fulfilling relationship. Sexuality is always present in interpersonal relations, it never gets turned off, only inhibited.

I'm curious Ob1one, what is your communities attitude towards winking ?

I'm not gonna tell you how to beat yourself ... I get the impression you already know

[finding my way]

Ob1one, what about getting into a relationship with a woman? Wouldn't that help? We women like sex too. Put the two drives together and it's like the 4th of July. We just want to be loved and respected also, that's all. Not used and abused.

[Ob1one]

It really has nothing to do with my community only myself. Now Christian community, they also embrace it. When we were talking about it in one all male service in the youth group they asked raise your hand if do it or did it at one point. All but 3 have never done it.

Now like I mentioned I know that its all natural but I don't really care because even though its natural it doesn't make it right. This is just my attitude towards it.

Now recently I was doing ahem and or wink and I was so disgusted with it and now I just don't have any peace from this stupid thing and I just can't relax I'm always uptight because I just can't get it out of my mind. I just realize from this that this thing just isn't nessisary and I'd be better off without it.

Now I have tried stopping 100% after two days I just couldn't take it and I started doing it a lot more. went to summer camp for a week, I made it for a few days, couldn't take it then it... well it felt heavenly and I certainly did it a lot more. So now I know just stopping isn't the answer now I need to know what it the answer.

Natural or not I'm doing this to improve myself for no one else but myself because I'd be better off without it even if others may think I'm wrong.

So it doesn't matter to me that it isn't all that bad because its so natural I really just want to stop either way.

[malign]

You said "even though its natural it doesn't make it right".

Okay, so what do you feel makes it "wrong"? That's the most important part of this. If even your church and most other people don't feel that it's wrong, why do you?

I'm not trying to tell you what to believe, just wondering why you believe it. There must be something important to you here.

One thing I can assure you, the act of masturbation is not even a little like rape. Even thoughts of raping someone aren't rape. Thoughts and actions are different things.

[Ob1one]

In the end this is really just to improve myself. In my mind this is just not a good thing because its just a distraction in your day. You feel a little aroused then you are compelled to go do it, you feel aroused and your doing something you decide not to do it and now its driving you insane, your in a meeting and your aroused you can't do anything and now you can't consentrate and its driving you insane, your with your friends you can't say I'll be back in five minutes, your having a party, I think that would feel a bit weird doing that locked in your room while you have guests.

That's why I'd rather get over this thing instead of dealing with it my whole life. Or at the very least cut it down to a lot less a week, like maybe once a week or so.

That's why I feel its bad, it's an incredibly annoying distraction and I'd rather be without it.

[malign]

Well, that seems like two different things: masturbation, and intrusive thoughts and urges. It's possible to masturbate, even daily, without it interfering with your life the way you describe. I can definitely see that it's causing you some difficulties that have nothing to do with the masturbation itself. Those might very well be something to take up with a therapist, to see if you can do something about the urgency that this seems to have for you.