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My life is meaningless, it would seem.


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Hi, I've been in a deep depression for 8 months now. I was hospitalized in December 06 as the culmination of a major depression that lasted 4 years and the numerous suicide attempts that entailed (Couldn't get that right either...). I have extremely high levels anxiety, intense fear and shame in social situations, Asperger's Syndrome, and Borderline Personality Disorder.

Essentially, my life sucks. I'm 19, live with an old friend that I could really care less for now (Hes just like me exactly down to the tee, but hes a misanthropic walking-cloud-of-darkness). I am on disability, don't work, don't go to school, and I never graduated. I have no friends (thats AT ALL). I'm involuntarily celibate and have no real immediate family. I have an 11 month old son I can't see. I have no motivation to do anything, and no desire to maintain even basic hygiene (I haven't done my laundry since November or showered in 3 weeks). I have an inverse sleep schedule where I'm up at night and asleep during the entire day. I'm also becoming dependent on alcohol (luckily, I can't afford it usually). Oh yeah, one other gem is that I self injure frequently, I can't control my emotions it seems, at all. I can be content one minute, and then flipping out 10 minutes later for nothing at all. I don't have a doctor to help either. Regardless of that, even when I do find help I either fail miserably at what is asked of me or I cannot comply with the procedures (EG. Resperidone I was taking after my hospitalization made me worse, a what a potent drug)

I hate living here, being around the people here (His cocaine using parents), and just hate this entire area sometimes. I've tried to get my life on the right track 100 times since high school, and I've never been able to do it. I've hardly been able to start. Again, to reiterate, my life sucks. What is there to do about something like that when one is seemingly a waste of carbon and oxygen?

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You have a lot on your plate to deal with!!!! Any one of your diagnoses would be challenging by itself, but to have them all together must be very very stressful. I would highly recommend that you find a good psychotherapist to work with. Medication by itself will not sort out all of the issues that you are dealing with. I would definitely find someone who has dealt with your issues and specializes in working with someone of your age.

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