Having a horrible time

[bettylu]

Hi

I'm posting on here because I'm pretty desperate for some answers.

I've been suffering with self harm for around 6 years on and off, I suffer from manic depression but I think it's more than that. I get these time when I just lose it, I get manic over stupid things. I used to drive my boyfriend mad. If we had an argument or something and he didnt take my calls i used to keep callin and callin, i'd get so distressed i'd end up sobbing hysterically n self harmin before i wore myself out. I know it used to wind him up and it would only make it worse but i still did it. recently we broke up after 4 years and i have never felt so terrible. i cant be alone, i just cry and cry and think about wanting to escape. everything is nothing and all i just dont want anythin but to talk to my ex, i feel empty and so pained. i know he just doesnt love me anymore and i should leave it but i keep getting so manic, these episodes r frequent and by the end of it im exhausted, and i just want to die. ive attemped suicide twice but i dont really want to die because i couldnt bare hurting my parents. i cant sleep and i am underweight. i have my finals for my degree now too and i just feel like im gonna crack. i punched myself in the face to make my nose bleed to get out of an exam the other day and i feel so alone. what can i do because i dont know anymore...

lucy

[kaudio]

Hi Lucy, it sounds like you're going through some very difficult times. I understand what the anxiety is like come finals, but one's health always holds the higher priority. You mentioned you have lost a good deal of weight so I am going to suggest you make the effort to eat regularly, drink sufficient fluids, and to try to sleep for at least 6-8 hours a day. You can take short naps, and closing your eyes will help. The rest will allow your mind to process what you learn and to keep it in memory. If you find you don't even have the appetite to eat, try taking a few bites and find some multivitamins. Multivitamins are important when you haven't been eating well.

Further, while I do not know the particulars, exams are not the be all end all of a student's life. Educational institutions have become very comfortable creating a sense of heightened importance to their degrees, which invariably generates more perceived pressure upon students. You need to look past all the hype and whatever expectations you have of yourself and focus on the major priorities, one of them being your own health. If your injuries are serious, see a doctor, get them treated, and share what you're going through to get some counselling. Can you access a walk-in or telephone counseling service? They can also give you some in-person support.

Please do keep in touch with us. You are not alone. By expressing your thoughts it becomes easier to sort them out and re-orient yourself.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Bettylu and welcome,

I was wondering if you are being treated for bipolar disorder? Do you take meds to control the cycling?

Stress can very much set off either a manic or depressive episode and taking final exams, especially prior to graduation, is plenty of stress. I remember Undergraduate College as having been a major stressful time in my life.

Are you getting plenty of sleep?

Are you in psychotherapy combined with taking medications?

I know a number of people who reported to me that the combination of medications plus cognitive behavioral psychotherapy were very helpful in controlling their symptoms.

Allan

[bettylu]

Hi Bettylu and welcome,

I was wondering if you are being treated for bipolar disorder? Do you take meds to control the cycling?

Stress can very much set off either a manic or depressive episode and taking final exams, especially prior to graduation, is plenty of stress. I remember Undergraduate College as having been a major stressful time in my life.

Are you getting plenty of sleep?

Are you in psychotherapy combined with taking medications?

I know a number of people who reported to me that the combination of medications plus cognitive behavioral psychotherapy were very helpful in controlling their symptoms.

Allan

I have not been diagnosed as bi polar by my doctor, I was on a course of anti depressents for a few months but felt that they made me feel worse. I have not been sleeping well and have not been offered any form of therapy either. I have an appointment with my dr tomorrow and am not sure what to say...

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Bettylu,

Please, do not diagnose your self. Also, when you see your MD tomorrow you should ask him for a referral to a psychiatrist. I do not know but I am assuming that you have some type of insurance to pay for your MD. If that is true then there will be psychiatrist listed with your insurance company.

As far as the anti depressants that you have taken are concerned you need to know two things:

1. It is important that the correct medication be used and that depends on diagnosis and that the correct dose be applied. A psychiatrist is best qualified for that.

2. Depression of any type, whether its major depression, dysthymia or bipolar disorder, is best treated with psychotherapy, especially cognitive behavioral therapy whether or not medication is used. In my opinion, psychotherapy is essential to reducing the symptoms of depression and there is research to support my opinion. It is true that both are needed but medication alone is not the answer.

If you have insurance it should cover at least some psychotherapy.

Do you have health insurance or medicaid or medicare?

Very often there are clinics who accept low fee paying clients so that therapy is affordable. Some of them are part of out patient psychiatry departments in hospitals. You need to find out.

Do you have insurance?

Allan:)

[bettylu]

Hi Bettylu,

Please, do not diagnose your self. Also, when you see your MD tomorrow you should ask him for a referral to a psychiatrist. I do not know but I am assuming that you have some type of insurance to pay for your MD. If that is true then there will be psychiatrist listed with your insurance company.

As far as the anti depressants that you have taken are concerned you need to know two things:

1. It is important that the correct medication be used and that depends on diagnosis and that the correct dose be applied. A psychiatrist is best qualified for that.

2. Depression of any type, whether its major depression, dysthymia or bipolar disorder, is best treated with psychotherapy, especially cognitive behavioral therapy whether or not medication is used. In my opinion, psychotherapy is essential to reducing the symptoms of depression and there is research to support my opinion. It is true that both are needed but medication alone is not the answer.

If you have insurance it should cover at least some psychotherapy.

Do you have health insurance or medicaid or medicare?

Very often there are clinics who accept low fee paying clients so that therapy is affordable. Some of them are part of out patient psychiatry departments in hospitals. You need to find out.

Do you have insurance?

Allan:)

Im in the UK so am on NHS, unfortunately there is a long waiting list for therapy. Although I am hopefully being pushed to the top of the list for my Uni's councelling service. When I went to see the dr she just gave me some temazepam and told me to come back next week, so i guess that is all i can do!

[Guest ASchwartz]

Actually, there is more to do. If you are in good physical health you can start to exercise. I would suggest vigorous walking or jogging for twenty minutes per day. Exercise has been shown to improve mood and relieve depression. It's not a cure but is something that can help. Even after you finally do get to see your psychiatrist it's a good thing to keep doing.

A second thing to do is learning and doing meditation and yoga. There are lots of books available about meditation and there should be yoga groups in the UK. Each helps to relieve stress.

A third thing is to refrain from drinking. I am not implying that you do drink but, just in case, its good to know that drinking worsens depression.

Posting here can help by getting support from other members.

Can you tell us more about your self?

Allan:)

[Kalima]

Hi,

I'm in the UK too, I was told by my GP that you can get non-NHS appointments with thearpists from about £40 per session, maybe this would be an additional option?