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i am sliding hard


mabear
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Hi,

I am sliding really hard right now and am thinking about giving up. There is so much loss, and crap in this world. Evil continues to win. I fight so hard every day just to survive, but I am really running out of energy. I have not been able to sleep well for several weeks (yes I've called my pysch - but no return call). Now I am getting physically ill as well, with all the anxiety. I am asking myself why keep fighting - the mountain is too tall and I am too worn out. I'm just feeling done.

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Hang on, ma. You know enough to know that it's the depression, not reality, talking. I know the knowledge isn't that helpful, right now, but it's there.

Sure, there's a boatload of evil out there.

That's why we need people like you to stay here to fight it.

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Hi mabear, how are you doing today? You mention that evil continues to win, and that you are fighting hard to survive, would you like to share more of what is going on that has you sliding like this? As finding says, sleep deprivation can take a lot out of you. What are your sleeping times like? Everyone here cares a good deal and hopefully you are feeling a little better today.

Also, are your SI injuries healing well? I recall that you were going through some difficult issues in therapy. Have you tried following Allan's advice to try an relax as best you can and meditate?

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Hi -

thanks for the support. I am still struggling really hard. I got a call back from my doc and she prescribed ativan to help me sleep but forgot to call it in, so now i guess I call her back on monday. I am trying to relax, but find myself doing more pacing than relaxing. THe SI is there but ok. I am just tired. Evil for me is the bad stuff of the world, taking away that which is good. The losses, the administration making decsions based on money rather than patient care etc. I've just had enough.

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Hi mabear. I am sorry things have been so hard for you :)

I know that life can be awful sometimes (well most of the time it seems sometimes), but I guess we are supposed to try and be positive, which can seem impossible sometimes, I'm glad you're venting here, rather than on your partner, is there anything you wanted specifically to vent about?

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I am just so tired and not able to motivate myself to do much. I have such a low tolerance to frustrations. I know it is the depression, but it hurts and is exhausting. I just need to let my feelings out somewhere it is safe and express my feelings of giving up. Maybe it will help me to not do somethings really stupid right even though I would really like to tonight.

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Spent yesterday in ER. Got really dizzy and fell putting a pretty good sized lump on my forehead. Results - essentially sleep deprivation leading to some central nervous system stuff affecting inner ear leading to nystagmus - thus THUD. I don't understand all the technical medical words they threw at me - just long term sleep deprivation and the results are piling up. I finally have an appointment with my psych doc - next thursday. I am frustrated, angry, tired, and every other emotion that feels like popping up at any moment. Mostly tired and depressed. This sucks!

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Well, if you caught 'nystagmus', I'd hate to hear the words you missed! :-)

Hang in there, ma. Get the sleep thing working first, if you can. And try to keep talking, wherever you can. Don't let yourself turn inward.

We're pulling for you.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Mabear,

Wow, that sounds terrible. It is really important to get sleep. Did they prescribe anything in the ER to help you sleep? I guess I did not realize or forgot that you have difficulty with sleep. What keeps you up? Is it a medication issue where your medicines make it hard to sleep or is it worrying, tossing and turning? What about your inner ear? Did they say you have an infection? This is the allergy season and could that be complicating things for your ears? I do not know, of course, just asking and thinking out loud.

Any of you have suggestions about how to cope with sleep difficulties?

Mabear, I hope you are not embarassed by falling and hitting your head. I did that last year, walking my very big dog. He suddenly pulled me and before I knew it I was going down. Well, my head had an "argument" :rolleyes: with the side walk. My head lost the argument. Yep, Emergency Room, stitches and felt very, very dumb. :D Oh well, it happens.

People, any sleep suggestions: how do you cope with sleep problems?

Allan

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I frequently have problems sleeping for various reasons - both mental and physical (back pain).

When I have the most trouble I try to make myself go to bed a little earlier than I normally might rather than waiting until I'm completely exhaused. For me anyway if I'm terribly over-tired sleep is just miserable.

Sometimes I change where I'm sleeping - maybe try the couch or recliner or if you have one a hammock eve for a few hours during the night rather than the bed.

Definately avoid caffiene (did I spell that right? :D) at or after dinner time if you are sensitive to it. (I'm not, so I don't have this problem :rolleyes:)

A warm bath or shower before bed sometimes helps relax irritation.

Aromatherapy if it doesn't give you a headache.

And (some people think this is silly) but quiet music, meditation recordings, even evening wind-down recordings for yoga.

Hope some of this helps!

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You would be amazed at all the things I have tried, but I am open to all suggestions. It isn't going to sleep so much as staying asleep. I finally got a rx for ativan, but 1/2 mg is not enough to do anything and a full mg only keeps me asleep for about 4-5 hours. I go to bed at 9pm and am awake by 1 or 2. It is the nightmarespart of the time and just plain old stress and anxiety the rest of the time. Going back to sleep becomes impossible because I don't want to experience those things again. I am going to try to keep an ativan by me bed so when I wake up I can take another one and see if that helps.

I am wondering about stopping therapy for a while since the sx are bad, but not sure if this is a good idea since I would probably have to start over again.

They checked just about everything at the ER and just said the sleep was affecting the nerves. I'll say - I only have about half a nerve left and it is frayed!!

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Gives a new meaning to single-minded. :-)

Do you think the nightmares and the therapy are directly related? Because even if therapy is the cause, it might also be the cure.

I know I had my first panic attacks, ever, the first couple of months after re-starting therapy in 2000. But I also managed to work through them, for the most part, precisely because there was someone who could reassure me about them.

Maybe you should try to read some really long posts (or some of the longer articles on here); maybe that would put you to sleep. ;-)

I keep a Sudoku book by the bed, but then, I have more trouble with getting to sleep than waking up. Many's the night I've found the light still on in the middle of the night, with a half-filled Sudoku over my face.

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Hi mabear,

I'm sorry you have trouble with your sleep, i have had problem's aswell.

I haven't found much to help i will be honest, i do listen to music when i go to bed. Would you believe it actually slows my brain down, so i usually manage to go to sleep within 1/2 hour!

I have the problem of staying asleep,it just doesn't happen.I get around 4 hours sleep before i'm awake, then it's like someone has turned a light on.

Not exactly great but these days i'll take whatever sleep i can get!

Someone once told tell me to get up if i couldn't sleep. To get up and do something boring, rather than have a drink or watch t.v!

I think i cleaned the oven and still couldn't sleep, so that really didnt help me but you never know? I'm was definitely desperate by that point...

I can have really bad nightmares too, they come and go i'm afraid. My state of mind seems to make mine worse, more realistic i guess. Lets say they are never nice and leave it there. I do hope you manage to work through yours and they improve.

Take care

Edited by tracey.f
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Hi all,

I am doing better this morning. I spent yesterday at the hospital with my aunt who is having heart troubles, but it was actually somewhat relaxing by helping me get my priorities back in line. I called in to work for the rest of the week as well, just too many other things need my attention (i.e. dogs, house, woodworking projects, etc.) I also doubled up on the ativan and took 2mg last night out of almost desparation. I got a good 8 hours of sleep for the first time in a long time and that is helping me alot this morning. I am still very sad but I think I am numbed out enough that my brain has finally said uncle. I appreciate all of your support and hopefully I can keep sleeping (even if I do have to take the bigger doses!) and pull out of this depression some.

Edited by mabear
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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Mabear,

I am pleased you are feeling better today. Just remember that is is easy to become dependent on Ativan. In other words, if you use a lot of it you will need to up the dose and, then, you cannot suddenly stop it because you will have withdrawal symptoms. So, talk to your doctor and follow his instructions. It is a good drug but, like all drugs, caution is the best policy. Believe me, I know.

Perhaps you are hitting a difficult period in your therapy. I hope you are fully discussing Everything with your therapist. Hiden nothing. In therapy, it is important to throw the light of day on all thoughts, feelings, dreams and day dreams, including feelings about the therapist, good or bad feelings.

I don't know if you exercise but that helps a lot with sleep. Long walks, and vigorous, is really good for you and helps me a lot. I take my dog and we both love to walk fast. Its fun.

We are here for you so, please do not forget that. All of us know about insomnia, depression, anxiety and all of those things.

Allan :rolleyes:

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I can relate to very well the deprivation of sleep!!!

I have been there so many times it's unbelievable! Recently, I have gone from one extreme to the other. Now I am getting frequent sleep that often disturbs me throughout the day. meaning that I am falling asleep through the day as well as the night. Wouldn't it be lovely to be normal like some people and sleep when you should sleep and be awake when you should be awake? That's not much to ask is it!

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Actually uniphasic sleep is a cultural trend as humans used to enjoy multiphasic sleep. One need not feel shame in taking naps during the day around a schedule.

Others have suggested that warm milk before bed may help encourage sleep. But, from personal experience I find that once I am really awake, trying to 'force' sleep does not work. I go and do something while paying a little attention to my body when it feels tired or groggy, then I go back to sleep.

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Thank you all for your support. I am starting to feel a little better. The sleep is not where is should be yet but I am getting a couple of good hours per night at least which seems to be helping. i also took several days off work to help my body relax some and did some woodworking projects i had been procrastinating on. Still low but not sitting on the bottom anymore.

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Hi mabear,

Today, in T, we discussed ways to combat those bad feelings when it shows it's ugly head. We made a list of the things that makes me feel good, like take a long walk, listen to music, sing (who cares if you can't carry a note--as long as it makes you feel good!), email/talk to a good friend, write in my journal, play with my Kitty, cry in the shower :-), etc. See if you can make a list and just start doing those things. Maybe it will help you feel better; maybe you can find something to help you fall asleep. I know it sounds like a real simple solution, but maybe you will find something that works for you. Good luck and take care. :)

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Hi Karai,

I appreciate the suggestions. I will try some. My therapist yesterday also has me doing a DBT box, which includes things that I am grateful for or that have significant meaning for me (i.e. feather, rock, music, pictures etc.) So that I can go to the box when I am feeling low and be reminded that there are some good things that have happened and to not drop in to the low feelings and get stuck down there.

I have been taking the ativan for sleep (1 mg) but it does not seem to be working very well. I have an appointment with my pdoc on thursday to talk to her about other alternatives. I am hopeful there will be something that can work more effectively for me in the long run. I am still getting only broken sleep.

I appreciate all the support I have received during this difficult time and I am starting to feel better, at least I am no longer stuck on the bottom where I was.

thanks

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