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is it sexual fredom?


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my pattern has been to deny myself sex for long periods of time after the 3 relationships.. after my divorce i guess i acted out with 2 flings in a month..but other than that its been a min of 8 months and that all advances were denied i've found out i dont like abstinence a year or so at a time after a relationship.. that sex is not an evil to hurt woman.. i know they enjoy it.. i do to the extent that it has felt wrong of me to be at all permisquis.. truly scared of the first few encounters.. not much concerned about my needs but completely wrapped up in there needs.. the fact i have needs has always felt wrong.. at the same time i know im a very sexual person.. very intimate sensual attentive and even raw and a little rough (never abusive) at times.. i have learned but accepting is in progress i guess.. dont know about celebrating but i think my view on reality has changed.. its been 8 months for that and 6 since the last break up.. my current relationship is entering 4 months... maybe its time to try something different.. why wait 4 more months when we both are ready? i would like to know what is the view or a normal average sex life for a 34 year old hedro male?

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