Sexual Fetish

[Christopher]

Since I was a child I was fascinated with the idea of getting kicked in the balls. I was reluctant to speak about it, but throughout adolescence I had asked a few friends to do it for me. Through high school I never thought about it, but during college I began to view "ballbusting" pornography. I began to grow highly attracted to this fantasy so much so that I became aroused at seeing a woman's feet, thinking about what she could do to me.

This climaxed when I asked my exgirlfriend to try it out on me. She and I engaged in some light "ballbusting" stuff and it definetely excited both of us. The issue is that I KNOW this is a fetish and that's it's unhealthy. There have been times when I have no healthy urges for sex, simply desiring to be abused and kicked by a woman. The fascination rests in the power that a woman holds in this situation. I want to get rid of this. I don't know where it comes from or why it's here. If there are any practical steps that I can take to rid myself of this obsession, I'll gladly take them.

Any help that you can offer would be greatly appreciated. This is something that I struggle with on and off. It's been dormant for awhile, but it sprang up again yesterday and I don't want to fall back into this obsession.

Thanks

Christopher

[Guest ASchwartz]

Before answering can you tell us more about your self, your childhood, and your family life and how this might have started?

Allan

[Christopher]

Before answering can you tell us more about your self, your childhood, and your family life and how this might have started?

Allan

Thanks for the reply. Sure I can.

I am a twenty year old college student. I live at home with my parents and two younger sisters. I am the eldest of nine cousins, most of whom are females. My Mother kind of runs the show at home, I guess that any Freudians would count that as one of the reasons, aye?

I was the kid that got picked on through elementery school up until halfway through high school. I had stress management issues, going in and out of therapy for most of my childhood. Since childhood I have had trichotilomania which is the compulsive pulling of hair. I rip hair out of my head when I get stressed. It lays dormant for a few years and then pops up again. It began to happen last month for the first time in years. My self-confidence rose when I began dating a certain girl in high school. We broke up before high school ended (a few years ago) but my confidence was there to stay. I am probably one of the most confident and outgoing people that I know.

She, like all of my girlfriends, was/is bold and assertive. I am attracted to aggressive women, but this fetish entails being attracted to abusive women, there is a strong difference between the two.

I can remember, as far back as nine years old, having an attraction to this stuff. I didn't recognize it as sexual at that age, but I can recall a specific instance in fifth grade where a girl in my class threatened to knee me and I was thrilled at the prospect. Since then it (threatened) happened dozens of times throughout elementary and middle school. During middle school one or two girls kicked me upon request, but that was the extent of it. It wasn't until college that I began to view "ballbusting" porn. Last winter I asked my (then) girlfriend to try it out on me a few times. We did and although it was pleasurable at the time, it made both of us feel disgusting.

When I see attractice women, I don't have normal sexual thoughts all of the time. Half of the time I think about being "busted" by them instead. I want to go back to normal, but I fear that I've been allowing this to hover around me too long (it's now almost twelve years that I've been fantasizing to various degrees) to conquer it with much success.

Like I said, any help would be appreciated. Internet searches return nothing but links to pornography which is maddeningly unhelpful.

Christopher

[Mark]

Chris,

It is really difficult to make urges go away. What is far easier to do is to learn to get perspective on those urges so that they don't control you. Many therapies today are incorporating what are called mindfulness techniques (essentially - meditation training) into therapy to help people develop the ability to step back from their compulsions and embedded thoughts and wishes and view them dispassionately. From this place of non-judgemental witnessing, it is easier to develop self-acceptance.

Self-acceptanced won't fix your fetish, but it will take some of the pressure of the thing off of you in that you won't feel as strong a need to judge yourself negatively about it. The more you become accepting of this relatively minor kink the less it will likely compel your behavior.

This thing is different, falling perhaps under the heading of sexual masochism, but it is not really that bad as sexual kinks go. Pedophilia is a bad kink because there is no way to safely act it out without abusing someone. In your case, what two consenting adults do in private is their own business. I suppose you have to worry about blunt trauma and fertility (if you desire to have children), but I suppose that is a managable concern.

You've clearly got ideas of a psychodynamic nature about the origin and function of your fetish. I gather, you think you are acting out a family dynamic of some sort. Maybe so. If you have the money and interest, attending psychodyanmic therapy might be very interesting and you could learn a lot about yourself. However, I personally wouldn't expect it to cure you of your fetish.