Coping problems

[sadgreeneyes]

Allan and many here have given me such wonderful advices, opinions and support. Still I fail and it makes me feel sad. To let both you here and myself down.This is driving me crazy. It is mentally torturing me and I do abuse myself:(

I can´t make me do it even how hard I try. To delete my abuser from msn. I delete and then put him up back again. Over and over again, it doesn´t work. And I have always been THE FALLBACK GIRL in abusive relationships. Still loves the men who abuses me. I guess I have the Stockholm syndrom too beside being codependent in my relationships. I don´t know what to do. Earlier today I did ok, but when he called me a liar, then tonight I started sending mail to him again to tell him how right I have to be angry and hurt and screw this and that I delete all contact information from him and what´s the point having it when he never talk to me. I did it because I was angry and because it makes me sick how he treats me and because I HOPE for a reaction. A reaction where he can tell me it´s over or not. I even say OR NOT, it is horrifying to say, I know:( A closure. So I can go on. Because I am not able to go on without a closure. And he refuses to give it to me, last time I said goodbye for good and then he started talk we could live together, but....and made me say I wanted him and then he abused me even more by not telling me what he wants. I guess I will never get an answer. It is silly to hope for a reaction from an abuser who gives the silent treatment whenever it suits him. I have several thoughts going on in my head everyday, they say forget that man, he is crazy,what is wrong with him, must be something and I know it is, suddenly I feel uncomfortable for a minute and start rethinking my thoughts to thinking put him up back, maybe he will talk and it scares me to think he maybe never talk to me again. And it even scares me he might talk to me again. I wished I could let go of controlling is he there. If he only could say it´s over. And even the sick things I know about him should make me RUN and never look back, but I do:(

Edited July 17, 2009 by sadgreeneyes

[SweetSue]

It sounds like your partner has a great control over you.

I was in an abbusive relationship forr years before i had the strength and courage to escape.

Do you really want to be in this relationship ? I know things are never easy especiially when a partner has you that scared they can control not only your actions but also mess with your thoughts.

I dont fully understand your predicament as not well myself at mo but i will try and help if i can

Take care and stay safe

[sadgreeneyes]

Thanks Jessicajane,

for your reply to me, I lived with this man before, then he was about normal, 5 years later(now) we decided to move together again in his country, we planned the future, suddenly 2 weeks later after I came back to my home country,he totally changed personality and got only worse and worse, the emotional abuse. I have decided to continue keeping No Contact with him. I did that for two weeks, before I failed today and wrote him. These two weeks he sat on msn and called himself by another mans name whom I had an affair with two months before I met this guy, it´s ridiculous. Just so he don´t need to take contact, like I should take contact. To maintain No Contact is the only way for me to get out of this, as long as he don´t contact me. That is my biggest problem because then I fail. I´m sorry to hear you have gone through the same as I am doing. I hope you are safe now. Take care you too! hug from me!

It sounds like your partner has a great control over you.

I was in an abbusive relationship forr years before i had the strength and courage to escape.

Do you really want to be in this relationship ? I know things are never easy especiially when a partner has you that scared they can control not only your actions but also mess with your thoughts.

I dont fully understand your predicament as not well myself at mo but i will try and help if i can

Take care and stay safe

[SweetSue]

I am safe at present, even now ater two years this august my ex tracks me down. I have had to move myself and children several times all around the uk,

I have been strong and not spoken to him or had any contact with him willingly only when he finds us unexpectantly.

The only real advice that i can give you is try your best to stay strong , and take life one moment at a time.

Sorry for all the pain you are going through, sometimes emotional pain is harder to cope with than the physical abuse. I can relate to what you are feeling. and talking realy does help.

Stay in touch people are always here to listen, and they offer a gteat sourse of support.

Try not to give into the temptation of tesponding to your ex and his immature ways as the only reson he is being like this is to get a response out of you ,,,as soon as you contacthim , he has won coz then he knows he can still control your life even from hundreds of miles away'

next time you feel the urge to have contact with your ex why dont you try making a new entry on this site and get the support you need and deserve, from people who actualy care..

hope this helps some

take care and stay safe

[sadgreeneyes]

I am safe at present, even now ater two years this august my ex tracks me down. I have had to move myself and children several times all around the uk,

I have been strong and not spoken to him or had any contact with him willingly only when he finds us unexpectantly.

The only real advice that i can give you is try your best to stay strong , and take life one moment at a time.

Sorry for all the pain you are going through, sometimes emotional pain is harder to cope with than the physical abuse. I can relate to what you are feeling. and talking realy does help.

Stay in touch people are always here to listen, and they offer a gteat sourse of support.

Try not to give into the temptation of tesponding to your ex and his immature ways as the only reson he is being like this is to get a response out of you ,,,as soon as you contacthim , he has won coz then he knows he can still control your life even from hundreds of miles away'

next time you feel the urge to have contact with your ex why dont you try making a new entry on this site and get the support you need and deserve, from people who actualy care..

hope this helps some

take care and stay safe

Jessicajane,

your words really helped, you made me see clearer what I already are thinking, that he wins by seeing how out of control I am. I am so sorry to hear how your life have been, that you had to move around to get away from him, that must have been really though. I know it sounds bad, but sometimes I wished I would be abused verbally instead of the silence, at least I would exist for him. The silence and that I don´t exist for him is the worst, like I am dead for him, it really hurts me. Because I really though he cared for me for the first time over 8 years. That was when we first met, but he didn´t love me then. Long story. Now I really thought he cared because he said so, he said he really wanted me to stay with him. Now he is an "assclown" with no empathy at all, the most self absorbed, immature,egoistical man I have ever met. I know it sounds bad, but I sometimes wish I could shake him and scream all I could. To make him wake up, but I know nothing helps with people like him. Today I did block him from msn only to put him back up again:(

I will come here, you are so great all of you here on the board! I have decided to follow some advices I read on the net too, I will put post it notes up where I can remind me of the most bad things he has done, so when I get a little weak I will see how awful person he is. I know that when I think of that my stomach nearly turns around. I have never met a man making me so sick and feeling so bad.

Thank you so much jessicajane, you really put the words right!

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Sadgreeneyes,

You are NOT letting us down, no way, no how. Life is hard and we all know it. We all know that it is easier to give advice to someone else than to be able to take action. We all know that because we all have been in the situation. I am sure all of us remember how friends advised us when we were troubled and knew the advice was right but we could do nothing about it. It takes time to change and changing is easier said than done.

Please, please, do not be hard on yourself. All any of us can do is the best we can do and that is all.

We are with you.

Allan:)

[sadgreeneyes]

Thanks Allan ,

it is so hard to have to break up with someone when it´s not you who wants the break up, in a way. I have read through everything I can come over about Mr.Unavailable, narcissism and the silent treatment just to try figuring out what is wrong with this man. It is something. I know he is capable of talking when it suits him. I even try to joke my pain away, saying to my best friend he´s an unconsience assclown. Just the word assclown makes me smile a little bit. No matter what it is with him, I know it´s not my fault. I remember clearly he opted out for the most ridiculous fabricated reason I´ve ever heard and that from 300 miles away. I will now try to take care of me and focus on me

Hi Sadgreeneyes,

You are NOT letting us down, no way, no how. Life is hard and we all know it. We all know that it is easier to give advice to someone else than to be able to take action. We all know that because we all have been in the situation. I am sure all of us remember how friends advised us when we were troubled and knew the advice was right but we could do nothing about it. It takes time to change and changing is easier said than done.

Please, please, do not be hard on yourself. All any of us can do is the best we can do and that is all.

We are with you.

Allan:)

Edited July 19, 2009 by sadgreeneyes

[SweetSue]

Hi there Sadgreeneyes

How are things going with you these days,

Hope things are ok and that you are safe.

Take care

Jj

[Autumn Rain]

Sadgreeneyes, how are you?

It's been a month, I really owe you alot during those days when I dragged down into the depression mode, talking with you -and reading all of the post related to my problem, has saved me. I guess I need someone to tell me I'll be okay, and when I didn't get that from my real life I go to the web and searching for that understanding words....and I still remember how you reply to me.

You sounded so warm and so confident during those "talking" we did, I really want to be like that too. I hope you are coping well with your problem now?

Please be fine and stay strong!

I know you're a strong-hearted person, there is no way you are not, it's obvious from your words in your postings.

That be said, thankyou again for listening to me when I'm in the middle of my depression.

Hope you're well and smilling now wherever you are!

-Autumn Rain.