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getting your partner to understand?

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I don't know how to get him to understand that I am doing the best I can each day. Some days are better and some are worse but it still does not mean that I am not trying my best to be the best I can be. I don't know how to comunicate this to him in a way that he could get it. I know he has had enough of my struggles frankly his way of putting it is basically just get over it already??? I wish I just could. How can he not see how hard I try? How much I hold onto myself in moments that I am so close to loosing it. I just keep breathing and TRYING to maintain myself. He just keeps challenging me. I feel like I am suffocating here and there is nothing I can say or do to get through to him. He is just fed up and I can't get better fast enough for him and even on the days that I think ok I'm ok he thinks not? and he questions me? I feel like I'll I can do is try my best to pretend all is well regardless of the reality of what I feel. What is it again that I feel? Right nothing...:mad:

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Guest ASchwartz


My thought is that it is more important that you try your best for your self and for no one else. If he cannot see your efforts, so what? I guess that is easy for me to say, but, what about that idea? What about making your best efforts to feel better and function better for you and knowing, yourself, what it is that you are doing?


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Hi Allen,

You are right, I know this. I know that I try hard I know I've come a far way. I guess what is hard is when I try to do the things I'm learning to do and put them into play in my life I am met with a ristricton. I need to be assertive and comunicate how I feel. He will not let me. To him I am wrong my feeling are wrong, and he is right. I can't disagree with him or suggest a possible alternative with out an argument. When there is a argument I emotionaly loose it because I can't comunicate to him and he misunderstands me and thinks I've sayed something wrong. You know I read something along the lines of when I change the people around me are forced to change too even if they don't want to. The relationships around me will posibly try to change back to what has been the norm for them but for me the norm I'm sure has contributed to me not being well. I don't want that norm anymore, I want to be better to be healthy.:o

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Guest ASchwartz

Dear Forgeting,

You are quite correct (see I'm not telling you that you are wrong, I'm telling you that you are right:). Family and friends are all uncomfortable when we start to change, even if that change is healthier and better. People tend to want to keep things the way they always were, maintain the status quo. It is not that they know this but it happens anyway. It is hard to resist the pressure to stay the same but we must all resist it. It is important in life to grow, change and get healthier, for all of us.

Do not blame yourself for they way you were before. There is no sense in blaming, whether it is self blame or blame of others. Stick to your intention to change and grow.

As for you husband, I want to point out that there is no such thing as "you are wrong." No one is ever wrong, in my opinion. Instead, there are just different opinions and points of view. All of us have to learn to accept that fact.

Allan :o:)

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  • 9 months later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Hi nightfalls :D

I 'fink that your both desperate to be heard by each other and your both 'screaming' (not literally) louder and louder and getting more frustrated at each attempt.

There must be another way to reach each other, to give each other what you need which is to feel loved. Using verbal language is probably too direct and immediate.

Hmm ... I've never been in your situation so my empathy for you is probably low.

Could he be feeling defensive towards you and therfore shuts down any sympathy for your perspectives ?

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