I don't want to hurt anymore...

[Llilacs]

I don't understand why I hurt,

I don't understand why I am never happy,

I don't understand why I can't sort my brain out.

I was diagnosed 2 years ago with mdd and take regular medication, I thought I was better, but those feelings keep coming back...I can't ever seem to make the right decisions, do anything right or make anyone happy, especially me. I just don't want to hurt anymore and I know what I need to do to take care of it. I think this is my last ditch to find the right help. I am not very good at communities but I want to try.

Can anyone help me?

[Aardvarkian]

Have you tried seeing a psychiatrist or counselor? They usually can help a great deal, they wont make it all go away, but they can teach you how to cope with it. I know it hurts so much, but you have to keep going. For you. As bleak as it is right now, it will get better, you just have to make it through the dark parts first. Sometimes that darkness lasts longer for some people, but you can make it if you put your mind to it. If you ever want to talk, just gimme an email. I'll be here. =)

[Anonnymous]

Here is a test to find out whether your mission in life is complete. If you're alive, it isn't.

~ Richard Bach Quotes from Jonathon Livingston Seagull

You are the only one who can change the way you think. If you think you are a failure, instead of failure being a stepping stone to success, your depression will never go away. Depression effects us all at one point or another, the difference in being able to overcome our depression depends largely on our willingness to cling to it, or to experience it and then let go of it, as with all emotions in life. How do you let go you might ask? For me I practice acts of kindness. It makes me feel, I don,t know, happy, sorta blissful. For you it may be something else only you know that which makes you blissful. The point being is to do, as in act, the thing that will make you blissful and you will see your depression subside. Anyway, thats my 2 cents. I truly wish you the best and know that their are people who love you and care for you.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Dear Llilacs,

I agree with Aardvarkian and Anonymous, in fact, I want to applaud them: Way to Go!!!

For now, do not worry about why you hurt. Instead, go for help so that you can stop hurting. There are psychiatrists, psychologists and clinical social workers who can help you learn how to feel better.

What is stopping you?

Can you tell us more about your self and your backgroud?

Allan

[Llilacs]

I have to admit a little surprise that there are people out there that dont' know me, but are willing to care...While I work many hours a day, I just wanted to check this out before bed.

The hurt/ache never goes away (physical and emotional). I am a 42 yo female that works about 12-16 hours a day. My immediate family lives in another state (we are very close, circumstances-you know?)

All I really want in my immediate future is to find a way to enjoy ANYTHING again. Yesterday was really a bad day, today is pretty similar.

Anyway, I would like to talk to all of you again soon, as soon as I get a day or so off.

Thanks for caring...still :confused: though

[Lizzy]

Hi Llilacs,

I know with depression it hurts to open up to others, and it's scary to even think of seeing someone about it. But we can't always pull ourselves out of it on our own - sometimes we need help from someone else.

I know that, for me, anyway, it's easier to talk in an online community like this one, but that's still not a substitute for seeing a therapist. Are you seeing one right now? If not, is it possible for you to try? If it seems to scary or too unknown, could you lean on us for support so that you can bring up the courage to go see someone in person?

[Pixeydust]

Sounds to me like you are working a little much and you don't have any time for yourself or for friends or family. Everyone needs some alone time. Everyone needs some time to spend with loved ones and not the stress of the everyday work environment. Are you trying to use your job to keep from thinking about the depression..if so you are using the wrong thing to replace it. You need to get out of the house yes....but go to the mall, go out to the lake, go out to eat with some friends, get a manicure and\or pedicure done. Get some hobbies....scrapbooking is a lot of fun in my opinion. Sports are great, they keep you in shape and make you feel good about yourself. Get your mind of the depression and do something that makes you feel good about yourself and not something that makes you feel bad about yourself. You are the best you there will ever be....just be you, don't be what any of things I said above if you don't want to be, do it because you want to and because it will make you feel better and make you feel better about yourself. Just get out there and do something. Sometimes all that money that you're bringing in from your job isn't worth your life. Just something to think about. Best wishes and good luck.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Pixeydust and Lizzy,

Your advice to Lilacs is, in my opinion, right on target. Way to go. :)

Lilacs, are you too busy to work less, see a therapist, visit your family and do the other things recommended?

Allan