Proverbs31:28 Posted May 26, 2008 Report Share Posted May 26, 2008 I am so deep in this depression right now that all I see is darkness. I have been this deep before and always ended up hospitalized because I either attempted suicide or someone believed I was suicidal, called 911 and got me admitted. Its always been a huge feeling of loss of control for me which makes me very sour on going inpatient, though, as a general rule, I did have a safe place to get stable. I did agree to an admission about 18 months ago and did not feel the loss of control but still resented the admission since it meant I couldn't deal with things on my own. If I am honest with myself, I probably should be inpatient, but I am extremely resistant. It seems like such a failure to need inpatient help, yet again. Plus, I am so distructful of doctors right now and have lots of negative thoughts about the people in my life who are supposed to be "helping" me so I am not sure I would even benefit anyway. My pdoc told me at my last appt that I should call his office if I felt this way again. But, the problem is that a recent event has caused me to be fearful of him, as well. I now feel like I don't have a doctor in my corner. If I call him I am pretty certain he will recommend IP but I am not sure anymore that I trust his recommendations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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